


Catch my Fall

by IttyBittyTeapot (LittleSeedofDarkness)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSeedofDarkness/pseuds/IttyBittyTeapot
Summary: The war is finally over and life has begun to settle down, but for Eren things are difficult. Feeling out-of-place both outside and inside the walls, he works to build a house in the countryside, desperately hoping to fill the void the war has left him with. It's only after things seem most grim that he realizes what he needs has been right in front of him all along.*This story is currently under a full revision and rewrite. This version is now on permanent hiatus, as the new version will be posted as a new work upon completion. I anticipate that to be sometime in 2019. Thank you for your understanding.*





	1. Chapter 1

  Eren never allowed any of them to know what he really felt inside. The never-ending despair, and weight of unfathomable guilt. They knew he ‘felt,’ that he suffered and hurt, that he experienced the pain of loss so keenly- just as they did, but what they didn’t know was it had all come so close to destroying him inside.

  The others were able to move forward after the war, most taking various positions within the military, mainly in training. They carved out lives for themselves, settling into something which appeared to bring them peace. Rather mundane routines and relationships which could cut through all the grisliness and memories and pain. Their smiles seemed genuine, not like the cracking mask Eren wore. The one he was stunned no one saw through. And he envied them for it. Not in a malicious, hateful way, but sadly, wishing he could somehow find solace after all he had seen and done.

  It was why today, on his day off, he was outside of the city in his titan form, uprooting trees from the forest, careful to choose the ones which were the straightest and sturdiest.

 Having accomplished making a sizeable stack by the time evening came, Eren huffed out a contented breath, looking at the pile with pride as he pictured the robust wood becoming his future home.

  His apartment in the city was decent enough, provided to him as part of his salary for his work with the Survey Corps. Though technically still a member, he no longer donned his 3D maneuver gear. His current job was using his titan form to help rebuild what had been destroyed during the war. The work was slow going, as there was much to be done, but his help had cut a considerable amount of time off the projections to make many of the areas habitable again.

  When the war ended two years earlier, and Eren left the confines of the walls, he thought it was for good. He thought he would never live there again, that he would find something else, somewhere else, a place beyond his prison. There were the ocean, forests, and mountains a size he had never seen before, but it was desolate and lonely, and not his home.

  He had gone searching there because it was what Armin always wanted, but it was impossible to find what he was looking for, especially when he didn’t know what it was.

  The looming shadow that life could devolve back to what it had been before the war was an ever-present threat as well. There was no way to know for sure the titans would never return, that they didn’t hide among them, or some outside force they were unaware of wouldn’t crop up with a score to settle. He had to stay, he wouldn’t leave the souls here without his protection.

  It would be a different matter if he were ‘normal,’ if they didn’t so desperately need him and his abilities if the threat were to return, but he saw at it as a responsibility. It may not have been what he chose, but it is what he was given, and he knew that sometimes one can’t decide their own fate. And he wasn’t so sure he truly wanted to leave even if he could.

 So, he would make a home here, not far from the gates of the Shiganshina District. Just enough distance from the hustle and bustle of the city to give him solitude, to make him feel free and close enough that he wouldn’t live in complete isolation. It was a compromise.

  He allowed himself to shift back into his human form, feeling he had accomplished enough for the day. There would be time later in the week to begin constructing the frame of the home. He was excited about the project, but surprisingly, wasn’t in too much of a hurry.

  He would spend a little more time here today, allowing his body to readjust and the steam to die off before he went back to the district. It was a pleasant day, the air crisp with the coming of autumn, too early in the season for those whipping ice cold rains which had a tendency to remind him of more terrible days.

  He would have the house framed before those came. He assured himself of this, knowing he would need to do the delicate interior work on the house in his regular form. The outside would be finished before the winter, save for the cosmetic touches he could add at the end.

  He didn’t hear the footsteps, though it wasn’t a surprise to hear Levi’s voice. “You’re really doing this, Eren?”

  “I said I was going to, didn’t I?”

  “Hm.” Levi moved to sit next to him, head cocked slightly to the side as he examined him. “You don’t think you’ll be lonely here?” Levi said.

  “Why would I be? It’s a twenty-minute walk to the gate, it’s not like I’m moving outside the walls.”

  “And you would do that if you could.”

  Sometimes they understood him so little. “I _could_ if I wanted, but this is my home.”

  Levi searched green eyes for any hint of dishonesty. He knew the other man was holding something back. Since the end of the war, it had always felt as if some part of Eren was slipping away, or was hidden from him. “You feel obligated to stay with us.”

  “Sometimes…”

  Levi smirked at that. “We could survive. You’re not the only savior of humanity.”

  “It’s not only that. There’s nothing out there for me, and there’s the added advantage of me remaining here.” He had exposed maybe a bit too much of himself, and it was difficult to explain exactly what he was feeling about everything when he couldn’t quite figure it out himself.

  “I understand.”

  “I just need something different. Something I can call my own. I haven’t had that in a long time.”

  “None of us have.” Unlike Eren, Levi had dived into work, taking a position as the head of training for the Survey Corps. He didn’t feel compelled to escape the way Eren did or to search for deeper purpose. It was enough after all his years of fighting and being surrounded by death to have a cushy job in the military. There was a certain comfort to waking up to an uneventful day each morning. He welcomed the monotony, it was predictable.

  “Want to head back?” Eren asked as he got to his feet.

  “If we hurry, Sasha may not have eaten all the rolls.”

  They walked in relative silence back to HQ for dinner. The routine, not something Eren was willing to break. He had his apartment and was capable of cooking for himself, but he hadn’t as of yet been able to pull himself away from the nightly ritual of dinner with his comrades. It was something he supposed he may still do even after he finished the house.

  Arriving somewhat later than usual, they were greeted with the familiar warmth of the mess hall. The bright faces of their friends turning momentarily in their direction, pausing their antics and conversations as they observed them making their way to their usual seats.

  Levi must have told them he was going to fetch him.

  “You’re late today,” Armin pointed out before pushing a plate of rolls towards the two of them. “You almost missed these.”

  “I was certain you would save us some.” Eren bit enthusiastically into a roll, not realizing just how hungry he was after spending his day outside the city.

  Levi frowned as he watched Eren closely. “You haven’t eaten anything today? You need to take better care of yourself.”

  That was another thing that hadn’t changed. Levi making sure he was taking care of himself, getting enough nourishment, getting enough sleep. His concern was expected, though overbearing at times. Especially now that the war was over and they should have been able to relax a bit. It didn’t help matters that Levi’s apartment was next door to his, which left the Captain too close for comfort sometimes.

  At times, he would merely show up at his door with breakfast on the weekends, which was nice, but Levi’s obsession with cleanliness wasn’t reserved only for his own place, or areas he was in charge of. No, he still had to endure the mild criticisms when he would come inside, the older soldier finding dust in places Eren hadn’t even thought of. He supposed it was something Levi would never get past though, and he wasn’t as militant about it as he had been years before when Eren had first entered the Survey Corps.

  “How is it coming along?” Armin asked. There was a touch of disapproval in his voice.

  Eren knew Mikasa and Armin weren’t happy about him leaving the city, but he was grateful they had finally stopped trying to talk him out of it. “I’ve gotten the materials collected. Next week I can start on getting it framed.”

  “So, you aren’t going to change your mind?” Hanji interjected.

  They weren’t going to let it go, and now Eren had a sneaking suspicion that they had sent Levi to the site today to see if he could talk him out of it. He rested his head in his hands and took a deep breath. “You all are acting as if I’m moving hours away and you’ll never see me again.”

  “It’s not that. It just feels like we won’t see you very much anymore. We won’t have dinner together…things will change.” ‘Change’ was something Armin had become averse to in the last year.

  “I’m still going to have dinner with all of you.” Never would he forsake that piece of normalcy. Something he had held onto even in their darkest times. Dinners together were always a small reprieve from whatever horrors were currently going on. The times when they were able to pretend life was normal and leave the worry of not making it to the next day behind.

  “As long as you don’t ditch us and become a hermit.” Armin was satisfied at least for now.

  Eren had no illusions that this was the end of the discussions. His friend attempting to talk him out of the move, but for now, for this evening, he could eat a good meal with his friends, with the people he cared most for in the world, and pretend for at least a couple hours that he was content.

  This was something he would never let go of. No matter how far he could possibly delve into that misery that threatened to swallow him up inside, he would always reach for this.

  Their evening ended as always; with tea. People slipping out of the dining hall one by one, saying their good nights. Eventually, only Levi, Eren, and Armin lingered, finishing off one last steamy cup.

  Armin was the first of the three to be done. The blonde grasping his empty cup as he stood, eyes flicking downward toward Levi as they shared a knowing look. “I’ll see you two tomorrow then. Have a good night.”

  XxXxX

  Like most nights, they walked home together, their travels reasonably silent this evening, as Eren fought the urge to confront Levi about the look Armin had given him. He knew it was likely something to do with his plans for the house, but he wasn’t so sure he wanted to delve into that conversation again.

  “You’re quiet tonight, Eren.”

  “Hm… I was just thinking.”

  “About the house?”

  “Sort of. What was that look Armin gave you before he left? Did he send you to get me today?”

  Levi smirked, his eyes flicking to the side towards Eren, meeting his gaze and holding it for a moment before he answered. “Not exactly.”

  “What then?”

  “I was heading out to see how you were doing anyway, but when Armin found out, he asked that I see if I could figure out exactly why you’re doing this.”

  “I don’t really understand what the big deal is,” Eren huffed as he opened the door to their building and went inside. The floor creaked beneath their feet. The building was old, a bit worn, but clean and inviting. The lighting was old fashioned, hardly something that could be thought of as ‘technology’ at this point, but there was a certain charm to the warm glow it cast that Eren liked. He’d have to remember to use similar lighting in his house.

  “I think they feel like they are losing you.”

  “And what do you think?” Eren whispered as he stopped in front of his door.

  Levi took a sharp intake of air before glancing up at Eren, not certain how he’d react to his answer. “I think you’re looking for something, and that you’re not going to find it in that house.”

  “So, you don’t think I should do it either?”

  “I didn’t say that. Do it if you want, but don’t be surprised when you don’t find what you’re looking for.” He pulled his keys from his pocket, strolling to his own doorway.

  “And what am I looking for, Levi?”

  “That’s not for me to answer, Eren, but when you figure it out, you let me know.” He pushed the key into his door, and opened it with a click, a small smile curling his lips as he looked to Eren. “You have a good night.”

  It didn’t matter what Levi or anyone else said. He was looking for peace and for a place. A place that was his. He wasn’t sure what he would do when he finished the house, but he was certain everything would fall into place. It was the perfect solution, and Armin’s prodding and Levi’s riddles weren’t going to sway him from his plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm surprising myself with how quickly this is coming along. I've been writing some notes around this idea since the beginning of summer, and they have just sat in my phone until now, not really being a coherent idea, but a collection of scenes with a common theme and goal. Putting them together and building upon them is turning out to be so much fun though. 
> 
> My guilty pleasure is slow burn, post-canon romance. The slow burn just kills me and makes me so impatient, but the pay off is so good when it finally happens. I haven't been able to find a lot of stories like that, so this creation is my shameless indulgence of writing the kind of thing I want to read. 
> 
> I hope to keep the updates coming quick. This story has sparked my writing spirit so much more than anything else I've written in a long time, so hopefully it continues. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. - LSoD

    Eren sat at the edge of his bed, a hushed groan moving past his lips as he stretched for the first time that morning. It wasn’t anything particularly troubling, but the bite to the air in his sparse apartment was what had pulled him from slumber before he had planned. He hadn’t expected to be having a fire this early in the season; summer having just left only a week before. But here he was, rubbing his eyes wearily and getting to his still tired feet to start a small fire in the stove in the corner.

  To his relief, he had cleaned the stove properly in the spring (likely at Levi’s urging) and it was sufficiently ready for him to set some small logs and kindling within it. Sparking to life quickly, he allowed a smile to tug at his lips as he watched the flames dance within. It warmed both his body and his spirit, and he took a moment to appreciate this small thing.

  The ‘small things’ were those moments when he didn’t feel so heavy, so weighted down with his worries over the past. Those tiny moments when he felt like the person he used to be; young and naïve and unexposed to the unadulterated horrors that had laid ahead. If he could simply make certain he had a never-ending supply of these ‘small things’, he was certain he could make it through the rest of his time on earth with a smile on his face.

  Today was clearly one of the better days when he felt a bit more optimistic. Maybe it was the change of the seasons, or finally getting to work on his house the day before, but he wasn’t arguing.

  He made quick work of getting himself ready, putting a kettle on and busying himself sweeping and dusting his small apartment. If this Sunday proved to be the same as most, Levi would come knocking soon enough with an offering of breakfast. Sometimes it was something simple; biscuits and jam, and sometimes –if he was lucky—the Captain brought eggs and meat.

  Livestock was more plentiful than it had been before the war, but it was still a luxury they weren’t able to partake in every day. Once a week on Friday nights in the mess hall was usually the extent of it, so a breakfast with any type of meat was enough to leave him beaming for the rest of the day.

  Having just put his broom away, he heard the familiar knock on the door. Levi’s knock; different from his other friends that would stop over. Strong and sharp, but not rudely loud, very much like the Captain himself. He never did that annoying thing so many tended to do; banging on the door every few seconds until they received an answer. No, he simply made his presence known and quietly waited until Eren answered.

  He moved to the door quickly, taking one last scan of the apartment, checking for outward signs of messiness and assuring himself there were none before he opened the door. The ever-serious face of Levi greeted him, but he was given a warm half smile as their eyes met.

  “I have meat today,” Levi announced as he walked straight over to the kitchen counter, placing a basket of supplies down.

  The younger man hurried over after closing the door, pulling back a red tea towel that had been placed over the top. It was like opening a gift, and Eren’s exuberance at the goodies caused him to miss the twinkle in Levi’s eyes as he observed him.

  “This is sausage! Where did you get it?”

  A broad smile crossed Levi’s features, seeing Eren this happy was beautiful. “Come now, Eren… you have your secrets, and I have mine.”

  He wasn’t going to argue; this breakfast was too beautiful and too indulgent for him to do anything other than just shut up and be happy about it. He flashed a toothy smile and delved back into the basket, finding all manner of delicious treats. Bright red, ripe tomatoes, and beneath those, the fresh eggs Levi would walk outside of the district to obtain. And there was bread, delicious soft bread and a container of newly churned butter. The day couldn’t get any better, and it wasn’t even noon yet.

  He smiled big and felt warm inside for the first time in a long time. ‘Small things’.

  They were interrupted by the whistle of the kettle. Eren ceasing his examination of the basket’s contents, Levi still watching his friend, wanting to soak up his happiness for only a moment longer.

  “I guess I should get that. Earl Grey alright with you?” Eren asked, pulling himself away from the basket and its delicious contents.

  “Of course, it is. Early Grey always is.”

  Levi didn’t need to ask, he knew where the pans and plates were, and he never asked Eren’s permission to use the kitchen, just went to work, making breakfast for them as he did most Sunday mornings.

  It had begun right after the war when Eren had returned. He was sullen and dark, and not his normal self. Levi was concerned as always that the boy wasn’t taking good enough care of himself. So, he had taken the task unto himself. Making certain he was well fed each Sunday morning, the day off affording the time to make him a proper meal.

  There was also the occasional added benefit of surprising Eren with something special, as he had today. Those small things that seemed to bring back the Eren he first met five years earlier. Yes, those ‘small things’.

  Eren set down their tea cups, still grinning madly at the breakfast supplies before pulling out a small cutting board and knife. “I’ll prep?”

  It was a question, but one they both knew the answer to. Of course, Eren would prep; Levi was a far better cook, and they both had their positions in the kitchen. Neither had ever stated this was how things needed to be, but they both knew. They followed the routine, it worked perfectly, a comfortable familiarity with each other that they both slipped into when there was a good meal to be cooked.

  Eren leaned back against the counter, watching with an almost childlike fascination as Levi flipped the sausage in the pan. He flicked his wrist and the little sausages jumped in the air, only to be caught again in that wonderful salty butter that was melted in the pan. The smell was wonderful and perfect, those little crackles and pops sounded through the kitchen as Levi worked determinately on cooking the sausage perfectly.

  ‘ _He does everything so perfectly,’_ Eren thought.

  “Tomatoes?” Levi queried, indicating it was time to add them.

  Eren slipped the slices in the pan as Levi held it out to him. “I can’t wait for this. It’s going to be so good.”

  The Captain continued to work. “You needed a good meal, Eren. I’m not sure you’ve been eating well enough lately. If only I could get meat more often.”

  He’d been doing alright, he thought. “I’ve not been missing meals or anything.”

  “Still, you’ve been using your titan powers quite a bit lately. I know it takes a lot out of you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” His brow furrowed, a concerned expression coming over him as he studied Eren closely.

  “You worry too much, Levi.”

  “That’s my job.”

  A half-truth. As Captain, it had been his job to look out for all those under his command, but he had always taken extra care of Eren. During the war, it had been because his powers were so important in their fight against the titans, but that wasn’t the case now. To any outside observer, it was obvious Levi fretted more over Eren now than he had five years ago, but he would certainly deny this if anyone pointed it out to him.

  Eren would deny it as well, both men likely too stubborn to admit how much their friendship meant to each other. They were both intelligent, but so stupidly oblivious to the bond they now shared. Neither had set out to forge this relationship, but they shared a similar pain that cut deeper than it had with the others, and it left them tied to one another.

  So, it remained unsaid, and the unspoken bond deepened with each breakfast, with every quiet evening walk home, with every ‘small thing’ they shared.

  Eren could barely contain himself as they set the finished breakfast on the table. He pulled out the two ‘good plates’ he owned, deeming this meal worthy of something a bit more special than the chipped and worn china he normally used.

  A sad smile tugged at Levi’s lips; Eren was so happy right now as they sat down at the table. The younger man rubbing his hands together in anticipation before reaching out and stabbing one of the sausages with his fork. Something so simple made him so happy, and he wished he could be like this all of the time… it was nothing to dwell on at the moment, better to enjoy it and be grateful than to embrace the sad times.

  “This is so good! I almost feel guilty no one else is getting to have any.” Eren hadn’t had anything this tasty since his parents were alive and his father would occasionally have some meat to bring home. They had meat once a week in the mess hall, but that didn’t compare to this. It was so much better, and he wasn’t sure if it was the food or the company that made the difference.

  “Don’t feel bad. You need it more than they do.” Another half-truth.

  Although the urge to plow right through the meal was there, neither man did so. It was better to savor something like this, allowing it to last as long as possible, as one would with an exceedingly good bottle of wine. And after all the work Levi had gone through, Eren thought it would be a shame to inhale it all in ten minutes.

  They lingered there at the table for some time, the warm laziness of full bellies keeping either of them from moving, except when Eren got up to put on another kettle of tea.

  “Where are you rebuilding tomorrow?” Levi asked. The cushy military job was harder than he would have thought, and he was bad at paying attention to these parts of it.

  “The tenements in the northwest. If I can get all the gables back up tomorrow, they’ll be able to start construction by Wednesday.” Eren looked into his tea cup before taking a shaky breath. “It was one of the sections most heavily destroyed in the first attack.”

  Levi hadn’t meant to bring something up that would upset Eren. The day had been so good, so perfect so far. It couldn’t go downhill now. “It will be a fresh start for the families waiting for better housing.”

  Looking up, Eren’s eyes met Levi’s, and the elder of the two hoped he wouldn’t see them once again darken into sadness.

  “That’s true. And helping like this sometimes feels better than what I used to do. Creating instead of destroying.” It wasn’t a smile, but his expression changed just a little, a tiny spark of hope, there was something positive there, and Levi smiled inside witnessing it.

  The Captain cracked his worn and scarred hands before standing and grabbing his plate to put in the sink. The perfect time to turn the conversation back toward something casual. “You have plans for today?”

  Eren ran his finger around the edge of his tea cup, thinking for a moment. “I already cleaned, so there’s not much I _have_ to do.”

  “I’m certain we could do a bit more cleaning.” Levi smirked. Eren had done a thorough job, but it was still amusing after all these years to watch him stiffen with the mention of cleaning.

  “It’s gotten cold. We probably both should get more wood.”

  “And we could go bother Hanji,” Levi mused.

  “But only for a little while. I don’t want to get caught up.” She could take up their entire day.

  “After we fetch wood, then.”

  “Definitely.”

  “But first we do these dishes,” Levi commanded.

  “That was a given.” Eren smiled, embracing that small thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and for the comments and kudos. I'm adoring writing this, and it means a lot to me that people are enjoying it. - LSoD
> 
> There is a small spoiler if you've only watched the anime, I believe. I haven't watched it, but there is something mentioned that is fairly recent in the manga.

 The steady clank of hammering reached Eren’s titan ears as he raised the final gable. It wasn’t as disorienting and difficult to focus on as it had once been; his titan form not being perfectly under his control, but he could take in the outside world better now.

  Watching through those large dark eyes he saw the men climb under the massive piece of lumber he held, some climbing onto his shoulders, to better reach the areas they had to nail.

  It was a strange feeling. He was helping; doing something that could help humanity, but he always felt so different and almost used doing these tasks. Not really ‘used’ so much as he felt as if he were a tool, and not an actual person. No one thought of him that way (at least not that he was aware of), but it didn’t prevent that notion from occupying his thoughts now and then.

  It shouldn’t bother him so deeply, he thought. He wasn’t the only titan, Armin was as well, but Armin made plans. Armin was a genius, and had other skills to offer that didn’t require him to use his titan form. In fact, the blonde hadn’t transformed since before the war ended, and there likely would be no reason for him to ever again.

  He didn’t falter as he now held a heavy beam. He wouldn’t allow it fall, wouldn’t let anyone get hurt. He could do what was necessary even as he delved back into that dark resentful place. The place that only served to reinforce that he didn’t belong in this new world. He had a ‘job’, he had something to do. Something he saw as fulfilling, something important, but it still couldn’t stem that terrible feeling that his life held no real meaning anymore. Something was missing, and he was never going to find it holding up gables and reconstructing walls.

  The house would fix it, he told himself. He simply needed a place to get away to, a home he could call his own. That would banish all these self-defeating feelings. It would be a rebirth, as if the sun had just risen after the longest day in winter, and he would be renewed.

  Armin called to him, and he observed that the workers had climbed back down to street level. He hadn’t noticed they’d finished while lost in his thoughts. “We’re done for the day, Eren.”

  Back on the cobblestone of the streets, he willed himself back to his normal form, steam rising from his human body, but not thick enough to keep him from seeing a handful of the workers regarding him closely.

  They weren’t fearful of him, not after all he had done, and they didn’t see him as some sort of freak or monster, but even after all this time some still couldn’t pry their eyes away from him. He hated it.

  In the beginning, he had liked it. The titan power gave him the ability to ‘kill them all’ (or so he thought), and to save lives. He was a hero to most, and he hadn’t allowed that perception of him to become his main focus. But now, after the war, it didn’t feel so good anymore. It was a burden in a way, one that made it just that much harder to find the peace that everyone else had.

  “We got a lot done today. We’re ahead of schedule,” Armin informed him, as he offered him his hand.

  Eren stood, walking over to a saw horse that the workers had been using, and planted himself on it, his joints cracking slightly as he settled back into his regular form.

  “So, what’s next after this?” He was trying not only to sound interested, but _make_ himself interested.

  Armin couldn’t keep the excitement out of his voice, his plan for the reconstruction was moving along perfectly. “We keep going row by row, moving south. If we keep at it, we’ll have the rest of this district rebuilt before winter.”

  “Right around the time I’ll be done with the house.” He wasn’t pretending he wasn’t doing this, even if Armin had reservations.

  “I hope it finally makes you happy, Eren, I really do.”

  Eren smiled at that. Armin, his dear friend Armin, he didn’t want him to be upset with his plans. He would go through with them regardless, but he wanted his blessing. It would kill him to see any of his friends unhappy, it already killed him to see that ever-present concern that lingered in their eyes when he spoke with them.

  Another smile when he saw Levi walking towards them, the Captain taking a seat next to Eren on the saw horse.

  “Finished for today?” Levi asked.

  Armin brushed some of his hair behind his ear and surveyed the work they’d done that day. “We are.”

  His eyes moved back and forth for a moment between the two darker haired men sitting before him, his expression warming. “I’m going to head out then. We’ll start on the rafters tomorrow.”

  “See you at dinner,” Eren called, still steaming a bit.

  He was quiet, Levi observed. Sitting forward slightly, the older man turned his head, trying to catch Eren’s gaze. His eyes were dark, somewhat determined and thoughtful.

  _‘So much behind those green eyes,’_ he thought. _‘So different than they used to be.’_

  Still just as beautiful as they always were, but now there was more there, something deeper. They weren’t the same as those fierce, angry eyes he had when he vowed to exterminate the titans.

  “Are you bothered by something?” the Captain prodded.

  A shaky breath came from his lips, and Levi saw him almost shudder for a moment. Saw him open his mouth as if he was about to say something, but nothing came.

  “Is it about the house?” Levi persisted, his right leg swinging to the side gently, knocking the toe of his boot into Eren’s.

 He didn’t know why he was doing it. Perhaps he could will him to speak with that tiny bit of physical interaction. Knock the words gently from his mouth. He tapped again.

  That rhythmic beat against his foot; gentle, yet strong and sure. So much like how he saw Levi. It was like a heartbeat. That small connection ran up his leg and through him, settling in his chest with a comfortable warmth. It pulled him in, knocking back his reservations just long enough to forget himself.

  “Sometimes I don’t want to rebuild this,” he whispered. His voice was thick with shame and uncertainty. Surely Levi would be disgusted with him, but it had just come out, the truth spilling past his lips without much forethought.

  “Why?”

  He had expected astonished anger or something other than a quiet, ‘why?’

  “I think it’s because… it makes me afraid they’ll come back.”

  “I understand. Sometimes when I train the cadets I feel the same way.”

  He couldn’t hide the shock on his face as he turned towards Levi. The Captain was so much stronger than him in certain ways. It was unfathomable. “Really?”

  “Really,” Levi assured him. “You’re not the only one who suffers, you know.”

  “I know that. I just don’t know what to do.”

  There was a quiet between them for a moment, Levi apparently choosing his words carefully. He wet his lips, and looked determinately at Eren. “There is no guarantee what will happen in the future, but we must move forward. Everyone who died, especially our comrades, they would want this for those of us who remain. Isn’t it what you would have wanted for them if you had died?”

  He felt stupid now. Selfish. “Yeah, it is.”

  Eren stood up, brushing the dirt from his pants before stretching his arms above his head, his body still tight from his transformation. He felt better, more so than he had in a very long time. Something that had gone out was alight within him again. “I’m going to do this for them.”

  Levi couldn’t repress a smirk. Sometimes it surprised him how easily he could cheer Eren up. “You’re alright now, then?”

  “I am. Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it.” Another smile. It occurred to him briefly that he did that so much more often when he was with Eren. “I’ve got some errands to run. See you at dinner.”

  XxXxX

  His conversation with Levi earlier had assuaged many of his worries, and he felt a bit like his old self again, enjoying conversation and laughs around the table with his friends. It was as if he was lighter, the heavy rock that had wedged itself into him being left at the job site earlier in the day.

  The only thing missing was Levi, and he found himself glancing toward the door every so often looking for him between mouthfuls of stew. There was an emptiness, dinner wasn’t the same, and it meant even more to have his friend with him tonight since he was feeling so much better.

  “Why do you keep looking at the door?” Mikasa asked. She was grateful for his better mood, but he was behaving so strangely.

  “Nothing, I was just wondering where Levi was.”

  A glance between Armin and Mikasa went unnoticed by Eren.

  “I’m sure he’ll be along. I saw him at one of the shops earlier. It was busy,” Armin assured him.

  Dinner moved along with merriment like it had in the old days when they were still training, before they had seen firsthand the horrors of war. That safe familiarity washed over him like an old friend, and while taking a second helping of stew he finally saw Levi walking toward them. He carried a few small paper bags, and placed them on the table before sitting down and filling his bowl.

  That warmth in his chest was there again, the evening feeling perfect and complete as Levi settled next to him. It’s just not right when everyone isn’t here, he thought, even as the Captain’s knee bumped into his and that warmth in his chest bloomed hotter.

  “Glad you could finally join us. Eren was just telling us about his plans this weekend for the house.” She still wasn’t completely happy about the idea, but Eren was so happy today. Mikasa was unaware of just what had sparked it, but she’d not do anything to ruin it.

  “I’ve got to get the ground leveled, and lash the beams. I’d like to get that far before next Monday.”

  “It would be more sturdy if you bolted them,” Levi suggested.

  “I agree. It’s going to be hard to get it square doing it like that, Eren.” This was Armin’s area of expertise. Particularly after all the work he had done for the rebuilding project.

  He had learned to do more delicate work with his titan form, but bolting wood beams together was far too detailed for him to achieve. Even if he only transformed into a ten meter. “That’s not something I can do on my own. I’m going to have to make do.”

  “What if I helped?” Levi asked.

  The look this time between Armin and Mikasa didn’t go unnoticed by the Captain. He didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t care.

  “Are you sure?” Eren asked, the excitement in his voice barely hidden regardless of his attempt to do so. Perhaps this was one of those offers people made that one was supposed to decline. He didn’t want to sound so eager, but he needed help.

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t, Eren.”

  “Yeah, I could use the help, but it’s going to be a lot of work, and I don’t want to take up all of your weekends. There’s so much to do and it’ll be slow going once we have to work inside.” He was rambling.

  “I know, but I _want_ to help you.”

  “Alright then. We’ll start this weekend!”

  Could the day be any more perfect? Eren didn’t think so. And two good days in a row. When was the last time that had happened?

  He could barely contain himself as he and Levi walked back to their building after dinner. He was so much lighter, that darkness being peeled away, like dirt being rinsed off his skin in a hot bath.

  In his almost childlike excitement telling Levi everything they would accomplish each weekend, he missed the sidelong glances the Captain gave him. Those half smiles, that coming from a person who looked as serious as Levi, was akin to getting a toothy grin from anyone else.

  He still hadn’t noticed as he made it to his door, and Levi smiled again and grasped his shoulder from behind. “I got something for you today, Eren.”

  Eren turned around, those fingers brushing lightly over his shoulder as they pulled away. A little shiver went down his spine. Not the uncomfortable sort, but exciting and electric, like waiting for something he badly wanted, knowing he was about to receive it. He was on the precipice of something he couldn’t identify, ready to tumble down.

  It was just because Levi said he had something for him, he told himself.

  The Captain’s hand was fishing in one of his bags, and when it emerged, he held out a small tin toward Eren.

  Tea. And not the less expensive kind that came in the small paper bags. This was uncommon. The kind of tea you bought for something special, or for medicinal use.

  His eyes narrowed as he looked at it held out in Levi’s hand. He couldn’t take this. His friend had done so much for him already. The breakfast, the offer of help on the house, and now this. He had nothing to give in return, and for a moment he almost plummeted from his heights.

  He looked at the Captain, something in those stern eyes softening for a moment, silently telling him it was okay. “Take it Eren. It calms the nerves.”

  “Are you sure? It looks expensive.”

  Levi laughed. “Not so expensive as to keep me from having a cup every night. I wanted you to have some. Just take it.”

  He reached his hand out, taking the tin. Looking down at it in his hand, tracing the square top with his finger tip as he attempted to think of something he could do in return. “If I agree to take this, then I get everything for breakfast this weekend.”

  “Agreed,” Levi conceded as Eren watched him move down the hall.

  “Thanks.” He turned, unlocking the door to his apartment, the tin now tucked safely in the pocket of his jacket.

  He had his door halfway open when he felt a hand on his shoulder again. “I got this for you too.”

  The item was slipped directly into his hand before Levi backed away quickly. He wasn’t going to allow Eren to argue again.

  The younger man looked down in his hand. A squishy object the size of his palm sat there, wrapped in paper. “What is it?”

  “An apple muffin.” Levi opened his door as fast as he could. He wasn’t taking it back. “For tomorrow morning.”

  “Fine, but I get everything for breakfast for two weeks.”

  Levi’s head was poking out his door by now, and there was a nod and smile of agreement. And this time Eren saw it, and he beamed. When he thought on that smile as he closed his door, it occurred to him that it had been the best part of his very good day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was such a pain in the ass going from one tense in one fic, to a different one in another. Regardless, I'm going to alternate updating this and Levi's Mailbox for the next week or so until the Levi's Mailbox ficlet is done... unless jumping tense becomes a huge issue. Then I'm going to kick myself for starting another story in a different tense.
> 
> Thanks for reading. - LSoD

  The night had waned slowly for Eren, the first flittering of light not arriving soon enough to satisfy his anticipation. It had begun to feel more real now, those ideas that once seemed fleeting, cementing themselves within his mind’s eye. And that morning it had fueled him to begin with mundane tasks that needed to be finished early, his excitement almost impossible to contain.

  Having spent the long early morning hours bathing and cleaning, he was now stuffing his face with toast slathered in honey and butter. It wasn’t decadent like eggs and sausage or an apple muffin, but it was sweet and satisfying and more than he usually treated himself to on a Saturday morning. Better than a breakfast that simply served its purpose of making certain he had the needed energy for the task he had ahead of him today.

  Levi offering his help had both sped the week along and drawn it out, an odd dichotomy that cropped up from feelings of urgency to get the house started and trepidation over the slight feeling that he was imposing.

  Nervousness aside, there was no going back; the aid had been offered and accepted, and the possibility that he could get Levi to change his mind was an impossibility. And he didn’t really want him to change his mind.

  He shucked it off, those butterflies in his stomach, and the unexplainable anxiousness. They had nothing to do with Levi, it was just his excitement about the house.

  _‘It has nothing to do with the Captain at all,’_ he told himself.

  His thoughts turned, and he smiled. There was so much they would get done today. At the very least, four posts for the four corners of the house. Four posts were progress and it was enough to make it feel real, to allow him to envision what would stand there upon its completion. It meant he wasn’t going back, he wasn’t changing his mind. He could touch it, and the plans he had envisioned and scribbled on paper would now be tangible.

  A sharp rap at the door. _‘Levi.’_

  Crumbs were brushed hastily from his fingers with a towel that sat on the counter before he walked to his door and opened it, moving aside for the shorter man who gave him a once over.

  “You have crumbs on your chin,” Levi noted with a smirk as he walked into the small apartment.

  “Oh!” Eren wiped his face quickly as he shut the door, rolling the towel into a sort of ball before setting it back on the counter. Levi eyed it, and Eren knew the untidiness was probably killing him, but thankfully, he said nothing more.

  “I went ahead and got a cart this morning, and some tools we might need.” He too had been up since an early hour.

  He had done too much for him again. “You didn’t have to do that, Levi. Where did you get them?”

  The Captain raised a brow, he thought it was rather obvious. “From the stable and the warehouse.”

  “But those are military property for rebuilding.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Levi assured him.

  “If Armin finds out… he already disapproves.”

  “I said not to worry about it. I outrank Armin, and Hanji knows. She said it was fine.”

  “And why are you wearing your gear? We’re not training, we’re building.” There were no more titans, he couldn’t imagine why he would need it.

  “So full of questions this morning,” Levi countered. “I can move much faster while working with the gear. A lot faster than using a ladder.”

  “Oh! I didn’t think about that.” His tone was excited, more hopeful than Levi had heard in recent times.

  “It’s going to make construction more efficient, at least early on before we have to work inside.” Though he didn’t feel the building of the house would do much for Eren’s state of mind, he was wholeheartedly invested in helping. Anything to keep that darkness within his friend at bay, and perhaps spur the realization of exactly what was missing in his life. Levi desperately hoped for that.

  “We should be leaving, then,” Eren said, before grabbing a last piece of toast for the road.    

XxXxX

  Their trek was made much quicker due to the use of the horse and cart, but not too short as to stop Eren from laying out a detailed plan for the day. He chattered unceasingly as they traveled down the well-worn path that led to the area he had chosen for his home. Levi occasionally nodded, and interjected, allowing Eren the illusion of full control.

  That would change when they arrived. Levi’s experience with such things far exceeded Eren’s, as growing up in the underground, repairs to homes needed to constantly be made. And quickly at times. This was Eren’s project, he knew this, but he would gently prod him toward better ways to approach construction without unleashing the full fury of being the Captain on him.

  Eren --though technically still his subordinate-- was not directly under his command, and this was outside the realm of where he would be, regardless. And it had been so long since he had felt that way towards Eren anyhow. Even before the end of the war, he had grappled with the knowledge that his affection for him was on the cusp of making it an impossibility to do his job properly in respect to him. It was good the war had ended when it had, he realized, because losing Eren would have destroyed him.

  Arriving at the site, both men looked in awe at the beauty, wordlessly taking in the rich golds and reds of the surrounding trees. It had changed so much in only a week’s time. Autumn coming upon the land, and offering up scenery that they hadn’t properly appreciated before.

  _'War will do that. Living in an underground slum will do that,'_ Levi thought. Never having been able to see something like this without the looming threat of death, it had been an almost mocking beauty he was never able to fully appreciate.

  It didn’t go unnoticed by the Captain that Eren was aware of his momentary introspection, that concerned little furrow appearing in his brow as he looked at him.   

  He wouldn’t discuss it, delve into places full of pain and regret, weigh Eren down with these self-defeating thoughts he should keep to himself. “Let’s get started, Eren. You have your plans?”

  It was a scribbly sort of mess of ideas, but workable, and enough for them to set out with the needed tasks for the day and to construct a plan. Levi only revised a few things, adding in some more beams and posts so the house would be structurally sound.

  They got straight to work, Levi sawing the timbers, notching them, and drilling pilot holes while Eren turfed and flattened the ground that would one day be the floor of his home. They worked at an efficient pace, the titan pounding in six thick posts that would serve to carry the weight of his home, while Levi swung from one to another, bolting in headers.

  It didn’t feel the same as when he did the work in the town. This felt good, exhilarating really, and a pang of guilt bloomed just a bit inside as he chided himself for feeling that way. It was selfish, he thought.

  He wasn’t certain when it happened, the turn from his life’s goal to save humanity, to wanting to do things for himself, but it was there. Whether it had happened before the end of the war or after, he was unsure, but it ate at him. An internal battle that raged within him, and he supposed for a person who at such a young age had vowed to save humanity --even if it cost him his life--this was to be expected.

  Dwelling on it became an impossibility, as he was occupied with holding up beams and paying close attention so that Levi was safe. He had his gear, but if Eren made a miscalculation and dropped one, his friend could be injured, and that was not something he could bear.

  The day marched on, flying by as the most basic skeleton of the house was erected, Eren having transformed three times that day, he was beginning to feel rather drained, but kept the work up nonetheless.

  He was grateful when dusk approached, and Levi finally fastened the last bolt, landing gently on the ground that would eventually be Eren’s living room. “I think we’re done, Eren.”

  He tested the strength, pushing against the headers and beams, satisfied they would hold before he allowed himself to shift into his human form. He was exhausted.

  And he didn’t care. He knelt on the ground right in the middle of the structure, steaming and smiling through his tiredness, admiring the beginning. He could see it so much better now, a stove to his left, the door, a sitting area in the kitchen where he would drink tea with his friends. He could see the setting sun in the distance, and he saw it through the window that would be there. He could sit in his chair next to his fireplace and watch it go down every evening. And he couldn’t wait. He would be happy.

  A tap to his shoulder pulled him back, and he raised his head and looked at Levi, seeing that his normally unexpressive face showed a slight hint of concern.

  “You’re tired. You need something to eat, Eren.”

  The sun was low, just peeking over the hills beyond, twilight already beginning to cover the sky. “I don’t think we’ll make it back in time for dinner.”

  “I brought dinner,” Levi said, before moving over to the cart and digging around looking for supplies. “We just need to start a fire.”

  Tired as he was, Eren picked himself up and gathered kindling and branches, not wanting to leave the entire task to Levi. He dropped it all down next to the ‘house’, before going to work setting up the wood.

  “Why don’t we make dinner _in_ the house?” Levi suggested.

  “It doesn’t have walls yet.”

  “Doesn’t matter. It’s still a house, and we built it, so we should eat dinner in it.”

  Picking a spot dead center in the middle of the structure, he constructed a circle of stones, and piled the wood neatly in the middle, stuffing kindling beneath, before he struck a match and set it ablaze.

  He sighed happily. “My first fire here.”

  The meal was nothing fancy, fried potatoes and butter with some salt, but as Eren watched the pan sizzle over the fire, Levi expertly flipping the slices, he felt at home.

  “Why do you always feed me?” Eren asked, it occurring to him that the Captain had been making about half of his meals for him since the war ended. He always did so much for him, and never asked for anything in return. And Eren admired him so much, admired him at first because he was ‘Captain Levi’, and now for so many more reasons. Some reasons he could identify, some he could not.

  A half smile graced Levi’s lips, and Eren caught it. “Because you need to eat.”

  “Everybody needs to eat, but you don’t feed anyone else.”

  He sighed, thinking for a moment. “I don’t really know. I suppose, that because of your shifting abilities I decided to look out for you during the war. You were always so weak after a battle.”

  “But the war is over,” Eren persisted.

  “I guess it’s out of habit,” Levi stated, becoming a bit guarded with this line of questioning. “Would you prefer I not feed you?”

  Perhaps he had gone too far. “No, no! That’s not what I mean. I like your food!”

  “Then don’t worry about it, Eren,” Levi told him, before holding a plate of potatoes out in his direction. “Just eat.”

  He felt as if he had touched on something he shouldn’t have while they ate in silence, both men looking into the crackling fire as they had their fill. Their eyes met occasionally, Eren always diverting his gaze first, feeling something he wasn’t quite familiar with as the captain observed him.

  He knew Levi was reserved, not normally very forward or outwardly emotional, but he feared he had done something to anger him.

  “I’m sorry,” Eren whispered, breaching the silence.

  “For what?” Levi almost laughed.

  “For bugging you about the food.”

  Levi glared at him surprised, his eyes crinkling slightly in the corners. Eren could be so emotional. “Nothing to be sorry about. You worry way too much, Eren.”

  “I’ll try not to so much.”

  He wouldn’t change anything about Eren. “Don’t. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t ask me questions like that.”

  It wasn’t until they had finished eating, and Levi had set a tea pot to boil over the fire that he began to understand the weight of just what he was doing. Looking into the flames, he saw them dance, saw them being in the hearth that he was certain would be located behind where Levi sat now. It wouldn’t always be like this all the time, he thought. Much of the time he would be there alone, and as he realized this, it made a small sadness needle its way inside.

  He was prevented from descending further into those feelings as Levi lightly touched his knee to get his attention. “Head back after we finish this tea?”

  That touch made his chest a little warm, and he cleared his throat to cover it, still not completely understanding the feeling. “Yeah, it’s getting late.”

  “We should have brought sleeping bags. I’m tired,” Levi revealed with a stretch.

  “Next time?” Eren asked.

  “Why not? Framing this next week is going to be a lot more work than today.”

  “Are you going to take them from the supplies?” Eren whispered.

  “Of course, I am.”

  “And we’ll bring breakfast?”

  “Yes, because breakfast is important, Eren. Very, very important.”


	5. Chapter 5

  “You don’t look too excited about tonight, Eren,” Levi observed.

  “I’m not, really.”

  Normally these types of parties were something Eren enjoyed, but not lately. He’d much rather stay in Levi’s quiet apartment drinking tea with him and talking about their plans for the house that weekend. That was exciting, that was comfortable, but the party… it simply felt nerve wracking at that point.

  “Nothing to be done about it,” Levi declared.

   Eren hated how rational the Captain was being about this. “I know, but everyone’s going to be so loud, and drunk. I’m not in the mood.”

  “Can’t be helped. These brats have been working their asses off, and they deserve to fuck off for a night. I don’t much feel like going myself, but someone has to look after them, and I want you to come with me.”

  Groaning, Eren stood before shuffling over to the door and putting on his boots. He didn’t feel like it, but he wasn’t going to leave Levi to go by himself, it was the least he could do after all the help he was giving him with the house, and in light of everything else he had done for him. “Alright, then. Let’s get this over with.”

  The walk to the dining hall was somewhat heavy and slow, Eren contemplating how he would survive without ditching out early, and Levi allowing Eren his thoughts, knowing he was likely mentally preparing himself for the shenanigans ahead.

  Cringing internally as they neared the door, Eren was stopped by Levi’s hand on his arm. He could already hear the noise inside, the kids shouting, guffawing laughter, the crash of a glass on the floor. _‘How can they be so crazy already?’ Eren thought._

  Levi raised an eyebrow, an expression that Eren had figured out was often a sign of concern. At least in respect to him; like some silent question asking if he was okay. “Chin up, Eren. It’s going to be fine. We’ll take the table in the corner and entertain ourselves watching these idiots for the evening.”

 “Sure,” he conceded, the Captain coaxing a small half smile out of him. He supposed that with Levi not being interested in participating in the festivities, it wouldn’t be quite as bad. At least he’d have someone to talk with who wasn’t completely sloshed.

  “This is one of the horrible parts about being an adult. Watching the brats, that is, but someone did it when you were a brat –namely me-- and now you can help.” Levi pushed the door open, and gently pressed an unmoving Eren toward the inside, his hand placed softly on the small of his back.

  That little warm tingle bloomed in his chest once again, as had been happening a lot lately when he was with Levi. That, or it had always been there and he had only begun noticing it recently. It was slightly euphoric and as much as he wanted to stand there and enjoy it, he found his feet moving forward at the behest of that persistent hand on his back.

  He found it was as he expected when he raised his eyes; the cadets were mostly at the tables, dinner had not yet been served, but the drinks were flowing and they were already stupid. There was a long queue at the barrels of ale and wine that had been stuffed into the corners, and he supposed he shouldn’t be so critical. There was a time in his life when he had cherished these evenings; when he were younger and didn’t know if the guy he was drinking with was going to be alive tomorrow, or if he would be, for that matter, but times were different now, and Eren was older. And _this_ did not appeal to him.

  He followed Levi over to the corner table, grateful he had easily kicked out those occupying it. Something about him ‘chaperoning this festivity’, ‘little shits’, ‘better things to do tonight’, and ‘I can see the entire hall from here’ was enough to clear the table quickly. The kids were probably afraid of Levi, or at the very least incredibly intimidated. And Eren tee-hee’d quietly and shrugged before stuffing himself into the corner.

  That seemed like a safe place to be. No one could come up behind him, and he could avoid getting drinks spilled all over him. There was also the added benefit of it being slightly easier to hear others while shoved into the back of a room away from the epicenter of all the yelling and screaming.

  “See, we just lounge back here. I make my presence known so nothing too crazy happens, and that’s it. It’s really just for show, mostly.”

  “So… you weren’t really watching us back then?” Eren asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

  “It’s different now, but not really. I mean, I had to make certain you and the others were ready to fight if we had to –not too terribly hungover-- but I probably wasn’t watching as good as you thought I was,” Levi recalled, before becoming silent for a few moments. “Except you. I always watched you.”

  “Couldn’t let anything happen to me because I was so valuable,” he stated, a barely there, sad bitterness was in his voice. That lingering feeling of being valued only because of his shifting abilities pricked at the back of his mind. He knew it wasn’t like that anymore, but shaking it off completely wasn’t something he’d been able to accomplish just yet.

  “Not exactly, but something like that,” Levi revealed as he looked at Eren, his gaze bringing a lightness back into the younger man’s expression.

  The silence between them drew on for moments, filled with the shouts and laughter of the cadets, another stray glass broken, and finally the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ of food arriving at the tables.

  “I’m going to get a drink, maybe you’d like one too?” Levi asked, breaking the silence.

  Certainly, it wouldn’t hurt if he had a drink or two, perhaps it would loosen him up a little bit and make the evening somewhat more tolerable. “Sure, Thanks.”

  “Ale?” Levi asked.

  “Yeah, that’s fine.”

  No sooner had Levi departed from the table, then the rest of his friends had arrived, taking their respective seats as they did every night.

  “Why are we sitting at this table tonight?” Armin inquired.

  “Because Levi can see the entire dining hall from here. And he can watch the ‘brats’ better.”

  A drunken Jean inhaled his wine, laughter overtaking him. “’Brats’? You’re starting to sound exactly like Levi. I think you two are spending far too much time together.”

  “He’s helping Eren with his house,” Armin interjected, glancing at Mikasa for a moment.

  “No, they’ve always spent a lot of time together,” Jean countered.

  “What does it matter, Jean? That’s what you do with your friends. Maybe they like spending time together, they’re friends, that’s what friends do. They do things. Friend things. Because they’re friends.” Hanji wasn’t helping the conversation with her babbling, and Eren could see Mikasa glaring at Jean, attempting to get her boyfriend to shut his mouth.

  It didn’t matter, he just continued. “Seriously, Eren has always been like that. Kissing the Captain’s ass, telling us ‘the Captain’s going to be pissed if we don’t clean better’, and ‘we better have tea ready for Captain Levi’, and on and on. He’s always worshiped the guy’s holy ass!”

  “Shut up, Jean,” Eren retorted. He hadn’t been there for fifteen minutes and people were already pissing him off. “How do you put up with him, Mikasa?”

  He didn’t really mean it.

  “Well he--,” she began to answer, but was swiftly cut off.

  “Oh, I get it. I’m not as good as Captain Levi,” Jean slurred, smirking at Eren.

  The titan shifter placed his hands on the table, his shoulders tensing as he contemplated jumping across and kicking his ass. “Shut up before I shut you up!”

  Eren glared, and that stupid drunken sneer stayed plastered across Jean’s face, goading him as he narrowed his eyes. He was about to lunge when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he didn’t need to look to know it was Levi. He knew the touch well enough; his reassuring hand, warm and strong and sure, pulling back against him and gingerly cementing him in place.

  “Speak of the devil!” Jean didn’t know when to stop.

  “Why does everyone look so dour?” Levi asked as he set a drink down in front of Eren and took his seat.

  “Yes Hanji, you’re right! They do ‘friend things’, like bringing each other ale,” Jean stated obnoxiously, gesturing across the table at the tankard before Eren.

  “Shut. Up. Jean,” Connie admonished through slightly gritted teeth.

  “Why doesn’t everyone shut up, the food is here.” Levi didn’t know what was going on, but everyone was acting strange and Eren looked like he was about to kill Jean. He couldn’t quite blame him; the man was a terribly rambunctious drunk and had probably said something stupid. Still, he didn’t like it, but he didn’t want to draw out whatever was happening and ask what the problem was. It probably wasn’t worth getting into, especially if a drunken Jean was at the center of it.

  “Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Levi!”

  A smirked crossed the Captain's features. So much for ignoring it. “Tch. I don’t normally do that at the dinner table.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “You’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?”

  “I’m gonna kick your ass!” Jean yelled, a dinner roll flying from his hand straight at Levi's head.

  The Captain quickly deflected it with his wrist, and a few snickers were heard as it landed neatly in the center of the table.

  “Mikasa, take him out of here until he learns to handle his drink,” Levi admonished. “Fucking lightweight.”

  She stood up, gathering up a protesting Jean before glaring at everyone seated, then finally at her inebriated other half who only continued his ranting as she herded him away.

  “You’ve always treated him special, Levi. Having to get in the middle of my conversation with Eren and save him.”

  Heat rose in Eren’s cheeks, not out of embarrassment, but anger. He was about to jump over the table, but Levi’s hand was around his forearm, holding him fast, and he met the Captain’s eyes in question.

  “It’s not worth it. He’s drunk. Ignore him.” He held Eren’s gaze, those tired looking eyes softening, pleading for him to let it go.

  And Eren relented, shaking his head slightly as conversation at the table began again and the hand receded from his arm.

  “That was interesting,” Hanji declared.

  “Let’s just eat,” pleaded Armin.

  Attempting to forget about the last few minutes, Eren decided to concentrate on dinner. He was sure he had never been so grateful for a piece of meat before. It was Friday, so ‘meat day’, but he wanted everyone to stop with these bizarre conversations about Levi. They were all acting peculiar, and the reason escaped him. Those continued looks between Mikasa and Armin, Jean’s insistence that he and Levi hung around each other too much, and Hanji just being Hanji and rambling on about friendships and ‘friend things’. What was that supposed to mean anyway?

  The entire episode only served to make him feel even more disconnected from the rest of his friends. It was like they were speaking in riddles or telling a joke that he wasn’t in on.

 And was Jean making fun of him over his friendship with Levi? He wasn’t sure, but it seemed like it.

  He had always called him a ‘kiss-ass’ where the Captain was concerned, but it wasn’t like that. It was true at first, years ago, that he was in awe of the man, and wanted to impress him, but that was so long ago, and Levi was just his friend now. His very, very, very good friend. He felt a closeness with him like he always had with Armin or Mikasa, but different. Just like there were things he could do and talk about only with them, there were things he only did and spoke about with Levi.

  There was nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing, he assured himself as he chewed his meat, and stuffed another potato in his mouth. If his mouth was full, he couldn’t be dragged into any more of these odd conversations or get into a fight if Jean decided to come back.

  He was grateful as dinner went by, and things seemed to have calmed, those remaining reverting back to their ‘normal’ conversations, the food providing some sort of soothing effect. And the dining hall was a little quieter too. Thankfully.

  They were back to the usual banter that they engaged in each night. Hanji was chatting away about some of the new technologies that would be available, occasionally suggesting Eren include them in his house as he built it. And he was glad that she did, it lent a sort of legitimacy to his endeavor, that until recently almost everyone except Levi had been against.

  Better conversations aside, it still relieved him when some of the table’s occupants filtered out into the party, and Jean didn’t return. He was left there with only Hanji and Levi; a common occurrence, as the three often found themselves the last ones to linger after dinner.

  The hall was loud again, too loud to carry on much of a conversation without yelling, and it kept him stuck in his own head. A place he currently didn’t want to be. Watching the ‘brats’ wasn’t much better either. They were getting rowdy and stupid and he wondered if they had all been this annoying at that age.

 “I’ve had enough of drinking this shit.” Levi leaned over, close to Eren so he could hear, the older man’s warm breath caressing his ear and causing a little tickle to shiver up his neck.

  It took Eren a moment to answer, his nose almost touching Levi’s as he turned his head seeking to bring his lips to his ear so he would hear him. He locked eyes with him for a moment, those dark grey orbs somehow trapping him. It was so hard to read his expression, and he didn’t understand why he felt like he needed to, but Eren swallowed hard before he found Levi’s ear and his voice came out as a crack. “Tea?”

  His only answer was a small smile.

  “Yes,” he said, then quickly turned his head away as his cheeks flushed.

  He felt Levi get up from next to him, the knee that he hadn’t realized had been touching his leaving a coldness behind at its loss. And he rubbed the spot as he noticed Hanji grinning at him.

  She was so weird.

  The night was so weird.

  Everything was so weird.

  “So, you and Levi are working out at the house tomorrow and camping?” Hanji shouted over the din before moving right up next to him.

  “Um yeah. How did you know?”

  “Levi told me.”

  “Oh.”

  “He’s really looking forward to it. I’m sure more now after tonight.”

  “Well yeah. I need a vacation after this ruckus.”

  “Don’t we all…”

  He watched her zone out over the tomfoolery going on in the room, smiling like an idiot, and he wished he could be as entertained. Watching people being morons wasn’t nearly as fun as he had hoped.

  Feeling far away was the only feeling it left him with. Watching the guys pushing each other around, and various couples kissing in corners; the precursor to their late-night hookups. He could see Mikasa sitting with Jean in a corner, chatting away, and even Armin was talking to some girl.

  He looked around, and for a moment he felt utterly alone. Not that he wanted to just ‘hook-up’ with someone. It had never appealed to him, and he never had much time for it, but he also always had assumed that no one would have any interest in him due to his shifting abilities.

  _‘Who wants to be in a relationship with a guy who turns into a titan?_ ’ he mused to himself. Maybe that girl Armin was talking to, but she was from the capital, and probably was impressed with his brain and all the interesting things that he did.

  Not that he expected Armin would be taking her back to his apartment or anything, but he could at least talk to people and enjoy himself. It was so different for Eren.

  He was reminded of as much when Levi returned with the tea, the Captain raising that eyebrow again as he set the tray down. Everyone else was drinking, and he was going to have tea. Levi and Hanji were having it too, but they couldn’t get drunk because they had to watch the cadets. What excuse did he have?

  “I don’t know how I did it, but I got it perfect even in this shitty mess.”

  “Thanks,” Eren said, and passed a cup over to Hanji, his hand jumping slightly as he felt Levi’s knee against his again.

  There was that little flutter in his chest, but he paid it no mind. He didn’t know what it meant, but his knee felt nice and warm, and it was reassuring. It anchored him to something better than sitting in the noisy hall watching kids slobber all over each other.

  “So, what are you two doing at the house tomorrow?” Hanji yelled, trying to cut through the noise.

  “We’re framing tomorrow, right?” Eren shouted at Levi.

  “Unless you want to haul over stone for the floor first, but I thought framing would be the next logical step.”

  “I can’t wait to see it after you two get more of it built. This is so exciting!”

  So, he had two friends who approved of the house. It warmed him a bit inside, and he was sure once Armin saw it he would be alright with it too.

  “Maybe in a few weeks it will be looking more like a house, Hanji.” If his vision went according to plan, they’d be putting walls up within a month.

  “I just know it’s going to be great, Eren.” She smiled big at he and Levi before taking a sip of her tea. “Why don’t you two go. You’ve got a lot to do this weekend, and I can handle these kids. I can always get Armin to help too.”

  As much as he wanted to leave, he didn’t feel right simply leaving. “We couldn’t do that, we’ll—“

  He was cut off by a soft squeeze to his thigh.

  “You sure you can handle it on your own?” Levi inquired.

  “Yep. You two go home. I’m going to start kicking them out in an hour or so anyway,” she stated with a wink.

  “Alright then. Thanks.” Levi hooked his arm around Eren’s, tugging the taller man to his feet, before whispering in his ear, “let’s go before she changes her mind.”

  Levi didn’t relinquish the appendage as he turned, leading him along and weaving his way through the drunkards efficiently, assuring their arrival at the entrance. The only hiccup was Eren stumbling on some cretin’s foot through the door as they opened it, the younger man tripping outside, only to see a man and woman half-dressed practically crawling allover each other.

  “Get to a room, filthy brats!” Levi demanded as he trudged by.

  Eren hurried along after him, barely suppressing a laugh at the horrified faces of the two cadets. “I can’t believe… I can’t believe they just… right out here.”

  “Tch. Your year was no better.”

  “I never did anything like that.”

  “I know, but I’m not talking about you, Eren. Just in general.”

  “Oh.”

  “It appears we’re going to have to cut back on how much alcohol is available next time.”

  “I guess so,” Eren said, their conversation trailing off as they moved farther from the dining hall. It was a nice peaceful quiet, so welcome after how loud the night had been.

  Eren’s ears were ringing and he was out of sorts, but the walk was helping. That steady, comfortable quiet between them stretching out all the way until they were unlocking their apartment doors.

  “I’m going to be over early, Eren.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  “Get some sleep, we have a big day ahead of us,” Levi stated, before hanging back at his door for a moment. “And Eren, don’t pay attention to anything Jean says. He’s an idiot when he drinks.”

  “I know. Goodnight, Levi.”

  “Goodnight, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost named this chapter, "Jean is a Stupid Fuckface", but decided against it. Anyhow, I was pretty unhappy with the last chapter. I like this one much better, it sort of just flowed as I wrote it, and I got to use the word, "shenanigans". So, that's a bonus. The whole jumping tenses between here and in Levi's Mailbox is still kind of screwing me up, but writing this chapter was a much better experience than the last. I guess it just took a while to get used to going back and forth.
> 
> And I think I've gotten past the little bit of writer's block I was having last week, so hopefully the next update won't take a week again.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading. - LSoD


	6. Chapter 6

  A hushed sigh brushed past Eren’s lips, satisfied and tired all at once. They had worked since early morning and with the sun nearing the horizon, they recently quit for the day. His hand rested against one of the newly installed studs, it was solid, he thought as he took it all in. He could see it better now; this home, unassuming and simple, he had planned it that way, it was all he felt he needed.

  Two outer walls were now framed, and looking upon what they completed filled in more of the blanks within his mind. The eastern wall of what would be his bedroom was closed in and neatly matched up to the north wall. He could envision where he would put his furniture. The head of the bed centered on the northern wall, a small table on either side where he could place a book and lamps for light. The morning sun would filter in through the eastern window. That was important.

  After everything he had seen in his life, that morning sun was something he would never forsake, because he knew he was fortunate to still gaze upon it. Even when he felt most disconnected and lost, it never failed to lighten his mood.

  That and Levi, he realized when he thought on it. The two things in the world that lifted him out of his haze. Both, he was incredibly grateful for.

  So it didn’t bother him when his daydreaming was interrupted by said man, a rustling coming from the cart to his left, and he noticed Levi had long ago begun putting away their tools. “Sorry. I’ll help.”

  Apparently not annoyed by Eren’s lack of assistance, Levi smiled at him before retrieving a bag from the cart. “The tools are already away, and I’ve gotten things out for dinner. Can you get the fire going and the sleeping bags set up?”

  “Sure,” he replied and began to work quickly, feeling a bit guilty that the older man had cleared away all the tools while he had become caught up in introspection.

  “There’s a lot of things packed in here, Eren,” Levi revealed as he deposited two more large bags on the ground. “It looks like you’ve packed for a week.”

  “Not really. Just breakfast things, some pans, a fresh change of clothes, extra blanket, a pillow, odds and ends we might need.”

  “A pillow?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Well, the ground is hard, I just thought…”

  “It’s fine, Eren.” Levi smirked again.

  “I’m a little excited, I guess. It’s the first night sleeping in the house. Sort of _,_ _in_ the house, I mean.” He hauled the baggage inside the confines of the ‘walls’ to a spot in the ‘bedroom’, quickly constructing a circle of rocks and setting out the sleeping bags, not forgetting the pillow he brought with him, which earned him a soft laugh from Levi.

  “You moved the fire over here this week,” the Captain noted as he entered the house, squeezing himself between two of the studs.

  “We’ll need a fire for warmth, and I thought we should sleep in the bedroom.”

  “You’re not going to make me sleep out in the living room, on the sofa?” Levi questioned, an eyebrow arching playfully as he sat down.

  Heat rose in Eren’s cheeks at Levi’s question. It was impish, almost flirtatious. But Levi certainly wouldn’t be flirting with him, Eren thought. Still, it didn’t stop that almost pleasant anxiety he had been feeling lately while in his presence from reemerging, and he grappled with how to respond.

  “It’s… it’s not _really_ a bedroom yet. And you don’t have to sleep here. It’s not like we’re in the same bed or something, but if you don’t want to, I didn’t mean to—“

  Levi cut him off, “I was only joking, Eren. I have no objections to sleeping in the bedroom with you, if you don’t.”

  “Um, yes. Yes, I’m fine with it,” the younger man squeaked.

  The butterflies in Eren’s stomach didn’t go away even as he built up a small fire, and Levi began cooking. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Levi, and was forced to continuously request the man repeat himself as he would zone out on his own thoughts during their conversations as they worked.

  Levi was so close next to him by the fire while they ate, and that knee was bumping against his again, causing the slightest inability for him to think of what to say.

  But surely, he had touched him like this before. All the times they had ridden on a cart together, or sat with each other at dinner in close quarters. He didn’t understand why he was noticing it so much now, why every time Levi just brushed him with the lightest of touches he was caught focusing on it. He had hauled him out of his titan form during the war more times than he could count, even cradling him during one of their last battles when he had been injured quite badly. He didn’t remember ever thinking about it until recently, and if he had, he certainly hadn’t obsessed over it.

  As he reflected on it, his mind went from the touches, to the companionship and it occurred to him that he was more excited about spending time with Levi this weekend than he was about building the house. Perhaps this newfound love of that companionship was because he and Levi were beginning to have more in common than he did with his other friends.

  Whereas most of them were building relationships with a significant other, neither he nor Levi were involved with anyone. And the ones who weren’t doing that were busy focusing on careers. He and Levi weren’t doing that either. They were still in the military and worked for them, of course, but neither were bent on aspirations of ‘climbing the ladder’, so to speak.

  What they did now was really more out of convenience and as a way to support themselves. It had supplied him with enough money to buy the land and build the house, and it would continue to provide if he remained in long enough to retire.

  He was only startled out of his reverie and contemplation when Levi filled his teacup again, the older man smiling almost imperceptibly at the slightly jarred expression on his face.

  “You were so quiet through dinner,” Levi observed. Something had grasped Eren’s mind quite deeply, and this was obvious to Levi, but he didn’t press the reason for it no matter how much he wanted to.

  “Oh, I was just thinking,” Eren replied, laying back down on his sleeping bag and turning toward Levi. He was so close again.

  “I was thinking as well, Eren. Thinking maybe you’d like to help me with something this week?” Levi queried, startling the younger man again.

  “Oh sure. What do you need help with?” His voice sounded so high and jumpy to him, and he leaned up on his arm, attempting to cover his nervousness.

  “You know my oldest class of cadets will be graduating soon?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll be taking them on their last training session in the forest this week. I thought you’d help me with some demonstrations.”

  “What are we demonstrating?”

  “Titan cutouts. I want your help.”

  Eren was good in battle with his gear, but there were others whose abilities far exceed his. “Wouldn’t you rather ask Mikasa? She’s better than me.”

  “No. I want _you_ to help me,” Levi admitted. “I’ve already spoken to Hanji, it’s alright if you aren’t there for rebuilding for a day or two.”

  “Okay, but I haven’t been in my gear for a while, though.”

  “You’ll do fine.”

  “You’re sure you want _my_ help?”

  Levi looked over at Eren, their eyes meeting for a moment. “Yes. I want you to help me. I’m sure, Eren.”

  “I’ll do it, then.” Now he had something else to be nervous about. He wasn’t awful, and demonstrations weren’t something that would normally cause this reaction, but this was for Levi’s class. _In front_ of Levi. And _with_ Levi. It didn’t matter that they had fought side by side for more than three years, Levi was amazing, and the idea of making a fool of himself before him was frightening. It wouldn’t have caused this feeling some years ago, and he knew that, but now… now it was terrifying.

  He laid back once more and sighed, eye’s darting over to Levi again. _Perfect_ , his perfect friend Levi.

  Everything he did seemed so perfect, he thought, simply looking back at the last couple hours. From the manner in which he cut up the ingredients for their supper –his hands quick and sure-- to that little flip he did with the pan to brown the vegetables. And he looked so nice doing it, his hair messed from working all day, but it still looked so wonderful. As if it was made to be that way.

  Eren looked over at him now, the shorter man lounging and drinking his tea while he looked up at the stars; the image could hold his gaze for hours, he realized. And it was only when the Captain broke the silence and admitted what a wonderful time he was having with him that the reality of just what was occurring slammed down on Eren.

  He had a crush on Levi.

  Not a huge crush, he assured himself as panic took him. It was tiny, small, and innocent, and so, so shallow. Almost insignificant. It didn’t go deeply at all, not at all, he told himself as he tried to calm. Perhaps a bit of admiration that his mind had unknowingly muddled into something else. But that had to be what this feeling was.

  There was little to compare it to because his experience in the area was terribly limited, having only had a crush a couple times when he was a kid before the Titans broke the wall, but he was sure. It was the only possible explanation. The reason he had been so preoccupied with the man, his thoughts dominated by him even when he wasn’t in his presence. Why he had become so flustered at the joke about the bedroom, why he wanted to continue staring at him _and_ look away all at once, even as he thought about it now.

  Surely, this was innocent, and it would pass. It was highly possible it was a psychological reaction to his feeling blue lately. Levi had been the one to always pull him out of it, more so than his other friends. Of course, the feelings would distort into something different. Some kind of wayward signal in his head that didn’t quite connect right and left him confused. That must be it.

  It tumbled over and over in his head as the evening went on and he wondered how long it would take for him to get over it, and whether or not he would be able to hide it. So far Levi hadn’t seemed to notice. But what if he did? Eren would most certainly lose him as a friend, no one would want to spend so much time with their awkward friend who had developed a tiny little crush on them.

  This was ridiculous he told himself, even as he tried not to look at Levi laying across from him. Even as his eyelids began to feel heavy from the physical exhaustion and he drifted asleep worrying; his fear of the feeling and his anxiety finally slaying his waking mind.

  He wasn’t awake then to notice the Captain regarding him closely, a small smile tugging at his lips as he lay facing him, watching him sleep with his head on his pillow. Concern etched into that mask of inexpression when he noticed Eren’s brow creasing in his sleep.

  Something was bothering him. He had become so quiet after they had finished construction, it concerned Levi, but he wasn’t going to ask because he knew Eren wouldn’t reveal what it was. And it was so difficult to read him currently. It was better not to allow his concerns to consume him. Better to allow Eren to bring up whatever was distressing him on his own. Better to simply be available when he decided he needed to voice it. He shouldn’t push him, he definitely shouldn’t be doing that.

  And even as his hand moved tentatively toward that sleeping face, he told himself he shouldn’t be doing _this_. He definitely shouldn’t be brushing that beautifully messy hair away from Eren’s eyes, feeling the silkiness of it between his fingers. He shouldn’t be inching just a little bit closer and doing it again. He shouldn’t be running his fingers through his hair, or relishing in the softness of his skin, sliding his thumb over his cheek or the backs of his fingers over his jaw. Even as he watched Eren’s face relax and calm from that scowl he wore moments before, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this.

  It was the Captain now who sighed as he pulled his hand away, and restrained himself from going further and feeling the softness of those lips as the gravity of his situation was once again brought to the forefront. The temptation he kept far back in the recesses of his mind was teasing him again. It pained him, it had for many years, but he was patient and controlled, and he _would_ control this. The last thing he ever wanted to do was harm Eren in any way, and that was enough for him to keep his feelings to himself for the time being.

  Those small touches were enough to sate him now, quench that need for more of a connection, the need to give him comfort beyond words. He was here with him, beside him, only a mere foot or so away, and he looked so peaceful now next to him, under the night sky.

  And he would take solace in that, for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this on Monday, but it didn't get finished, and I'm glad. Today I went to edit and removed an unnecessary scene, pulled the chapter apart, reconstructed it, and added some more. It's later than I wanted it updated, but I think it's better than what I had written originally, so worth it.
> 
> I also wanted to do a little extra with Levi in this chapter, as the story needs to have some more of his perspective as it moves along in the next handful of chapters. And truthfully, that end bit... I couldn't help myself from writing it. It was either that or a one-shot, which I want to wait to do until I get Levi's Mailbox wrapped up. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and extra <3 for the kudos and comments. I just adore all the feedback.


	7. Chapter 7

  Gliding through the air using his 3DMG wasn’t as wholly unfamiliar as Eren expected it would be. Other than the occasional required training once a year, he hadn’t used it much in the time since the end of the war, but it had not only come back with ease after the first ten or so minutes; it was _thrilling_.

  The worries of looking like an idiot in front of Levi and the cadets dropped away before he and Levi had even gotten to demonstrations on the cutouts. After that he was running on pure adrenaline, he and Levi crisscrossing the spans between the towering trees in something so smooth it could have been mistaken for being choreographed.

  And he was exhilarated, basking in the gasps and excited cries of the impressed cadets, his spirit injected with more pride than he had felt in a long time.

  He hated people looking at him because of his shifting abilities, looking at him because he was something different, but this, well, this was amazing. And he supposed Levi _knew_ he needed this. As much as he would have argued earlier that morning that he didn’t, he most definitely did.

  It was reminiscent of the days during the war. Close to those times when they weren’t battling or worrying, but in between the carnage and suffering when they were able to relax and enjoy themselves. That brought back good, warm memories, and he realized this was one part of the ‘old days’ that he did miss.

  Having the cadets quite in awe of him didn’t hurt much either. He wasn’t big on ego, but the little stroke to it was uplifting. And by the time dinner rolled around, that guarded shyness that he had developed after the war was falling away a bit, too.

  The cadets bombarded him with questions in their excitement, some of those questions left him with answers that were easy to discuss, some not that much, but it hadn’t crossed into anything too terribly painful. So, he entertained their queries while watching them cook dinner.

  It was all a great distraction from Levi as well. Eren was still fretting over the realization that he had a crush on the Captain, and it was becoming more difficult to be in his presence. He found he had begun questioning himself on almost every interaction they had, and his mind was becoming an anxiety ridden jumble as of late.

  Was he seeming too eager? Did he talk too much around him? Was he staring? If he was staring did he look like he was staring because of a crush, or would Levi just think he was being weird? How close should he sit next to him?

  It was a never-ending barrage that was starting to drive him mad. And he still had an almost crippling fear that Levi was going to figure it all out.

  As much as that scared him, it was clear once dinner was ready and the Captain sat right down next to him, knee taking its now usual place against his, that he couldn’t possibly know. If he did, there was no way he would put himself right beside him in this manner. Surely, he’d want to do anything to discourage this crush Eren had developed.

  His focus on that small physical connection was broken and exchanged for another when a hushed whisper puffed against his ear as Levi leaned in closer still. “You know, you don’t have to answer all their questions.”

  Eren struggled to respond as his heart rate climbed. “I know. They’re just curious. Most of these kids have never even seen a titan.”

  Levi wasn’t whispering anymore, but he was still so close. “Sometimes they pry too much. None of these brats have much tact.”

  “They’re not too bad,” Eren assured before continuing with his plate, hoping the food would help him ignore that maddeningly delightful feeling of Levi touching him.

  “I guess not all the time.”

  As much as they thought the cadets were engrossed in their own conversations, the less than hushed part of theirs had been overheard by one of the recruits, Theodore. “Eren could show us, couldn’t he, Captain Levi?”

  “Show you what?” Eren asked.

  Levi only sighed.

  “Your titan form?”

  “I don’t think I want to do that, Theodore.”

  “Why not, I mean you have full control, right? It’s not like you’re going to hurt anyone.”

  Eren shifted uncomfortably, drawing Levi’s attention. “He said, ‘no’.”

  “It can’t be that hard,” Theodore retorted.

  And Eren’s good evening was swiftly swirling down the drain.

  “I can’t just make myself become a titan, it’s more complicated than that.”

  “But you’re helping with the rebuilding project, you do it every day,” a sassy female piped up. She reminded Eren a bit of Annie.

  Levi watched Eren stammer for a moment, that face he always made when he was frustrated was present again. He could see it building, that uncertainty, something like apprehension and anxiety mixing together. The cadets may not recognize it, but he did. He’d seen it too many times during the war, and in the preceding years when depression and darkness had taken him.

  “You’d piss your pants if he just shifted here, you, shitty brat!”

  “The fuck I would, Captain.” Theodore was puffing himself up, a grin creeping across his face, and Eren hated it.

  Short as the exchange had been, a pressure was rapidly building in Eren’s chest and head. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to dealing with unfamiliar people anymore, and he wasn’t used to people asking him _this_. They didn’t understand. “No! I’m not doing it! So, stop fucking asking,” Eren yelled.

  It had all escalated so quickly.

  “Alright… alright,” Theodore replied, exasperated, before shepherding himself and his compatriots over to a nearby fire away from the dark scowl of Levi, and the man who had just yelled at him.

  Eren’s obvious and continued discomfort didn’t go unnoticed by Levi, who spent the rest of dinner glancing at him quite often. And as much as the younger male enjoyed Levi’s company and his concern, he felt as if he was coming out of his skin under that gaze. As if he would crack open. Not only because Levi was looking at him, but because the cadets seemed to be noticing him looking at him too. Their whispers and frequent glances at the two of them did nothing to alleviate his fear of Levi discovering his feelings. If the cadets were to figure it out and tell him, he was certain Levi would put two and two together, and he would know…

  After a long, too long period of silence and staring into the fire before him, Eren abruptly stood up and announced he was going to bed. “I’m tired.”

  Levi was left not dumbfounded, but annoyed. Those damn kids could never be quiet, and now Eren had retreated, and what he had wanted to be a good time, something to perhaps bring the younger man out of his darkness had backfired. And beyond being pissed off at the cadets, he was pissed at himself.

  He made a miscalculation, and he loathed making those. And it wasn’t even those damned cadets – he knew they were idiots sometimes, but the fact that he was unaware of just how much this titan ability bothered Eren. They were close, very close, he should _know this_ , and even if it was something Eren had never been willing to volunteer during one of their discussions, he should have sensed it somehow.

  He glanced at Eren’s nearby tent, noting his lantern was still lit, and the saw the silhouette of the younger man moving around, likely perfecting his bedding.

  He couldn’t leave it like this.

  “You brats, go to bed,” he bellowed to the cadets, before kicking the toe of his boot into the fire, shifting the logs to refresh the flames.

  _‘Fuck it,’_ Levi thought.

  Their time drinking tea had always seemed to help Eren. Spending hours joking or talking of mostly safe mundane things, sometimes delving a bit deeper when their talks wandered that way. He’d been smart enough to bring that calming tea Eren had remarked on since he gifted him with some, and it was the perfect time to brew it.

  Eren wasn’t escaping that easily, he mused as he waited for the infusion to finish while he watched the cadets file off to bed, making certain they were all stowed in their tents before grabbing the pot and two cups.

  “You awake, Eren?” Levi asked before kneeling in front of the shifter’s tent.

  “Yes,” Eren replied, his head emerging from the flaps that made up the door.

  “I’ve got tea.”

  “Come in if you want,” Eren said before disappearing and returning to the comfort of his sleeping bag.

  Upon entering, Levi sat down opposite Eren, noting he looked uncomfortable still, his lips drawn in a tight line, brow furrowing slightly. He was in that state of comfortable anger again, not at him he supposed, though maybe.

  “I’m sorry they got to you. I really should have told them to shut up earlier,” Levi said, pouring a cup of tea and handing it to Eren. Like some kind of unnecessary peace offering.

  “It’s not your fault,” Eren said as he accepted the cup. “It really shouldn’t bother me like that.”

  “We all have things that bother us. I don’t like talking about the war much, either.” Levi was quiet, his eyes hard and dark, and Eren wished he could read them better.

  “It’s not the war stories, as much as the titan thing,” Eren admitted. “Though, few stories about the war bring me good memories.”

  “We all lost a lot…” Levi looked adrift again, Eren thought. Or maybe not adrift, but sad. It was hard for him to tell.

  Though, probably being the best of all their friends and associates at reading Levi, Eren didn’t feel that he was great at it. He could tell there was so much behind that largely unexpressive countenance, but you had to notice the nuances to get the clues. And clues for the most part, were all they usually were to Eren.

  A quiet stretched between them for what felt like so long to both of them, far longer than it was. Guilt gnawing at Eren, knowing Levi had come there to talk to him because he’d stalked off angrily, but Levi seemed so serious and sad as well. And he didn’t want to be the cause of such feelings being brought about in the Captain.

  “I hate being a titan,” Eren whispered, eyes finally meeting Levi’s. “It bothers me more than anything else.”

  “I didn’t realize,” Levi said, feeling awful for not knowing, though he didn’t show that guilt.

  “It was one thing during the war. I could protect people, and save people’s lives. It doesn’t feel the same anymore, though.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” Levi asked, berating himself once more for not already knowing this.

  “Everyone else has gone through a lot too, I’m not special,” Eren said. “Armin, Mikasa, and especially you. You all would have worried about me more than yourselves or anyone else. You have your own problems to worry about, your own nightmares, your own regrets, your own loss. It wouldn’t have been fair.”

  Though his intentions were noble and selfless, Levi felt a sense of almost anger that Eren hadn’t told him this before, had kept this from him. He wanted to be that one person he could say these things to. “But everybody already does worry about you. Is this why you’ve been so depressed?”

  “It’s the biggest part of it. The war is over, but I have to shift almost every day. And everyone acts like it’s so easy.”

  “I doubt it’s easy,” Levi assured him.

  “Not you, but everyone else.” Eren was thoughtful for a moment, looking into his teacup, as if some secret lay there, before he wet his lips, and met Levi’s eyes again. “I’m lucky they didn’t just kill me after the war.”

  It wasn’t surprising to Levi that Eren had some notion of that. There had been discussions to do away with those who were shifters after the war, but there had been many high of rank who had disagreed, him included. “You are, but that doesn’t mean you need to keep doing it if you hate it.”

  “I don’t really have a choice at this point. My orders are to help with the rebuilding, I can’t refuse to bite into my hand, injure myself, and do what my job is.”

  “Maybe I could talk to Hanji about it, maybe there is some other task you can be assigned to.”

  “Maybe. But I don’t want anyone else to know about this. How much it bothers me, I mean.”

  “Alright. I won’t say anything unless you tell me too,” Levi conceded.

  Eren sighed, the admission he needed to make most was weighing so heavily on him. “I just don’t feel like I have a place _anywhere_ anymore.”

  _‘Your place is with me,’_ Levi thought, the words almost falling from his lips, but he couldn’t say it. Not then. He didn’t know how Eren would take it, and he was uncertain as to what the words meant exactly to himself. He knew how he felt about Eren, but when he had almost blurted them out, he wondered if he had been about to make an admission of those feelings or not; the words could be taken in more than one way. It didn’t matter now, Eren wasn’t ready to know his feelings, not yet, and Levi didn’t want to do anything that could ruin a future with him.

  And that was what made it the hardest for Levi to endure. That he didn’t know if there would be what he wanted in the future. That he could spend a lifetime hoping, and he’d never be able to tell Eren.

  “You do have a place, Eren. You just need to find where it is.” It was the most Levi’s was willing to say at the moment. He’d left Eren so many clues, and this was, yet just another one.

  There was a warmth in those words that made Eren’s heart swell. And he wanted to hug Levi so hard at that moment, but he felt as if he needed to get over the crush first. It wouldn’t be appropriate to do something like that with what he had been feeling lately. Especially now, now that he _knew_ what it was. He felt like he’d be lying if he hugged Levi and didn’t tell him how he had been feeling. As if he would be taking advantage of their friendship, of the trust the Captain had for him.

  _‘I have to stop with this crush,’_ he thought. He would need to cease spending so much time with Levi, and get his head back on track with the house and work. If he could do that, he’d be over this in no time, he assured himself. He was going to start battling those feelings for Levi beginning right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while for an update on this (a lot longer than I wanted), but better late than never. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. :3


	8. Chapter 8

  Sixteen days. It had been sixteen days since Eren had begun trying to avoid spending so much time with Levi, and all he had gotten for it were vivid dreams of sex acts with the man, and what he was now realizing was the intensity of his crush growing.

  And those weren’t the worst parts. The worst part was that it _hurt_. It was as if an ache was growing in his chest, like he could feel his very heart breaking. With each dinner he missed out on, each walk home with each other lost, Sunday breakfast alone, and the absence of those moments they would often seek each other out during the day, he was crumbling further into despair while the intensity of his feelings for Levi steadily grew.

  And he had already exhausted most of his excuses for avoidance, and was finding cooperation from others in doing so, dwindling. Armin had already advised him the day before that he had no more extra work, looking at him suspiciously as he did so. After that came the concerned prying that Eren had no answers for –at least none he wanted to share.

  He hadn’t even worked on his house because he could find no valid excuse to give Levi for why he wasn’t welcome. He had wracked his brain for hours attempting to think of something, _anything_ , but short of telling the man he didn’t want him there, he could think of nothing. It would have been a lie anyhow, and to turn him away with a fabrication such as that would only hurt Levi, and that was the last thing Eren wanted to do.

  So, he had helped the workers on his weekends with the rebuilding project, gone shopping --perusing wares at every shop imaginable quite slowly, and taken long walks within the confines of the wall.

  Missing dinners wasn’t going to keep going unchecked either. His friends had already stepped up their efforts in drawing him back to them, with concerned looks, gentle pats to his back, and hushed conversations, and he knew it would be no different now as he saw Armin approaching.

  The blonde wore that expression on his face that Eren knew, and was becoming far too familiar with lately. It was wearing him down, and it had taken every last bit of strength not to reveal his secret to him earlier in the week when he had attempted some tentative ‘heart to heart’ with him.

  “It’s about time to shut down for today, Eren.” Armin was telling Eren this, but that look on his face told Eren this was an excuse, or at the very least not the real reason his friend had come to him.

  He could pretend he didn’t notice, feign not knowing why Armin was seeking him out, but it would only serve to draw this out; a long conversation which was truly a simple game of chess. Eren avoiding, Armin maneuvering and finally cornering him and coming right out to ask. The thought of that was exhausting, and Eren wanted more than anything to simply go home, wrangle something up for his dinner and avoid Levi… and think of him, then think more about how to avoid him again.

  “What is it, Armin? I know you didn’t come all the way over here only to tell me it’s quitting time.”

  Armin shuffled his feet, before coming to stand just a bit taller and met his eyes. “I’m glad you realize, Eren. What I want to know… is what the _hell_ are you doing, and why?”

  “I’ve felt like spending more time on my own lately, and I need things to do to keep myself busy.” It was a portion of the truth, he wasn’t lying to Armin, simply leaving out a great deal of detail.

  “You’ve barely had dinner with us in two weeks! We’ve hardly seen you.”

  “I’ve been eating, just not in the dining hall.”

  “And your house? Levi said you haven’t worked on it in two weeks. I thought it was important to you.”

  Levi had spoken of him? That jumpy feeling in his chest was returning, and he didn’t know if he was upset or excited. “Oh. You were all talking about me?”

  “Not in a bad way. We were worried, so I asked Levi if he knew what was going on with you,” Armin admitted, shifting slightly closer to Eren, his voice taking on a more serious tone. “You spend the most time with him, you’re almost always together when you’re not working, I thought _he_ would know.”

  “I haven’t seen him very much lately,” Eren whispered. That confession hurt, made him feel so lonely.

  “Which is strange, Eren. It’s strange. The two of you are nearly inseparable, and to be avoiding even him… I don’t understand it. What _is_ wrong?”

  How he wanted to say it, to allow the confession to fall from his lips. It was such a weight to carry around; this secret that was affecting almost every aspect of his life. Armin was such a good friend and he had known him so long, gone through so much with him. He’d certainly keep this dark secret between them, and it would give him someone to speak to about it.

  He teetered on the edge for a moment, sighing before looking up to the sky and searching it, he could almost form the words, almost allow it to spill forth, share his distress and burden with another soul.

  “I have…” It had nearly slipped, but a flash of forethought had tugged him back. He knew exactly what Armin would say; he would advise him to confess to Levi, and he couldn’t ever do that. No, this was his millstone, his emotions, and _his_ friendship with Levi that would be demolished if he found out. He wasn’t going to risk it. “I just need some time alone, Armin. Please don’t ask about it anymore.”

  The shorter man looked at him with stunned disappointment. Eren had been on the precipice of making some sort of admission, that much was clear, but in typical fashion since the war, he had drawn back in on himself and shut him out.

  “I don’t know what to say, Eren. I can’t make you tell me.” He turned slowly, exasperated, pausing for a moment to reach a hand out to Eren’s shoulder. “If you change your mind, you know where you can find me.”

  “I know. I just can’t right now.”

  Shoulders slumping slightly, Eren watched as Armin walked away, the short blonde not looking back, only moving slowly up to the street, likely on his way to dinner. Eren was beside himself now, angry and irritated and confused. Armin and his other friends clearly felt awful worrying for him, and now he’d only gone and made it worse. And all because of these feelings he couldn’t control, that he was too big of a coward to admit to anyone but himself. And in truth, he could barely even do that.

  His walk home was sullen and slow, and only delayed as he passed by the dining hall. He lingered there for a moment, looking at its wide arching wooden door, knowing Levi was behind it. Levi and his friends, but most importantly _Levi_. And an almost crippling crash of guilt took him, realizing that at the moment he didn’t feel so sad about not seeing the rest of them, but that his thoughts had squarely shifted only to the Captain. It was getting so bad that he was all he was considering anymore, he admonished. A small crush, barely restrained against all his hope was blossoming into a full-blown obsession.

  As he opened the door to his apartment he berated himself. He was guilty about his friends, about ignoring Levi, _and_ he was forced to contend with those unrelenting feelings of affection for his friend as well. It was crushing, and he was spiraling out of control, stuck in his head far too much. Finally, the realization that his course of action was becoming terribly detrimental to him began to prick in his mind.

  Ragged breaths took him, and his chest tightened as a sense of dread washed over him. He needed to stop, find something within him that would allow him to center himself again and find some peace.

  Shuffling into his kitchen, he found the calming tea that Levi had given him as a gift, and put his kettle on. The little tin drew his attention, and he held it in his hands, looked upon it fondly, tracing its edges and the ornately engraved top. A wistful half smile played at his lips as he opened it, only to drop away to nothing when he saw he had nary two infusions left.

  After all he had put himself through over the last couple weeks, this was what finally broke him; the prospect of the tea Levi had given him being gone. His eyes and nose felt hot, and his brow knitted into a despairing frown as he fought to stop the tears quickly pooling in his eyes from falling.

  He was certain he had lost his mind, he was about to start bawling like a child over a tin of tea --good as that tea was, this was insane. But his self-admonishment didn’t prevent his chin from beginning to quiver, and a choked sob from coming forth as he fought with all his might to restrain himself.

  It was only the familiar knock at his door that prevented it, and the beginning of what was about to become a fit of tears turned to dismay and fear.

  He set the tin down, and squinted hard before wiping his unshed tears away with his sleeve, took a deep sniff, and walked to the door. Levi stood behind it, and that was terrifying, but what was more terrifying was the prospect of continuing to feel like this. Like a cork bobbing on the surface of a stormy ocean. He wasn’t sure what he would say, or what he would do. The possibility of him confessing everything in some moment of stupidity or weakness crossed his mind, but it was a risk he would have to take.

  Perhaps seeing Levi for only a little bit would sate him, and he’d be able to function again. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to avoid him forever, anyway.

  When he threw the door open, he stood stunned, as if he was seeing the sun or something truly amazing for the first time. There Levi stood, looking as he always did, dressed in a crisp white button-down, dark slacks, and his vest, but it was not at all the same to Eren as it had been the thousands of other times he had laid eyes on this man before. Simply seeing him was like coming home after long days away, or to a roaring fire after hours in the miserable cold.

  “Are you alright, Eren?” Levi asked. Eren was just standing there staring at him, wordless, and he looked as if he’d been crying.

  His voice was so smooth and beautiful, Eren thought. Like dark silk caressing him, wrapping around him, and he wanted to just throw himself into his arms… but he couldn’t do that. “I’m fine, um… come in.”

  He slid out of the way, and closed the door, noting Levi moving quicker than usual to his kitchen. It was odd, Levi always moved so casually slow when he was here, and he supposed Armin had to have said something to him.

  “I brought you dinner. I doubt you’ve been eating enough,” Levi said before beginning to pull ingredients from a bag.

  “I’ve been eating, but thanks. I haven’t had dinner yet.” He felt so awkward, as if Levi wanted to say something to him, but wasn’t, and he didn’t want to ask.

  What if Levi was only coming by to be nice and feed him like he always did, and he’d start some stupid unnecessary conversation, and it would end up like it did when he was talking to Armin?

  “I assumed you hadn’t been. You’ve hardly been to dinner the last two weeks.”

  “I’ve been busy.”

  To this Levi’s face softened. Ever since their outing with the cadets, Eren had been scarce, too scarce, and though at first, he had tried to give Eren his space, it was becoming unbearable. He felt terrible for bringing him along to training, it had ended in disaster and in Eren withdrawing, and he had to fix it if he could.

  Normally he wouldn’t press Eren, wouldn’t prod, but Eren was quiet, and the energy around him was nothing but discomfort, in fact, it bordered on oppressive. He stopped what he was doing, put his hands down on the counter, and sucked in a sharp breath, only to be disrupted by the kettle whistling.

  “I’ll get that,” Eren said before rushing past Levi to the stove. He poured the hot water into the pot, hands shaking as he did so, and when he pressed them down hard trying to get them to stop, he felt Levi come up behind him, his hand covering his own.

  His heart raced. Surely, he was going to die.

  The Captain’s hand didn’t move, only stayed there, warm and soothing, but at the same time sweeping Eren up into those _other_ feelings. The kind Eren was sure Levi was not trying to convey through this touch. He knew this gesture was out of friendship, but oh, how he wished it was something more. That Levi would regard him the same way he did him, and show it through a small affectionate touch such as this.

  He wanted that hand to stay there forever, but there was a gentle squeeze and then it was gone, and that velvety voice was back again.

  “I’m sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have brought you to training with me.”

  _‘Is that what he thinks?’_ Eren thought. That he was avoiding him because of what had happened with Theodore and the other cadets? He hadn’t considered Levi would believe that, and he felt so incredibly stupid and blind. “It’s not that. That’s not why I haven’t come to dinner.”

  Levi leaned against the counter, his neck craning slightly so he could look at Eren who was still pressed tightly against the cabinets, bracing his fingers on the edge of the sink. “Are you sure? Ever since that day you have been… withdrawn.”

  What a stupid miscalculation. “No, no, no. I just needed some time to myself, it has _nothing_ to do with that.”

  Levi was unconvinced, but he hated pushing Eren like this. He supposed with everyone’s concern growing, though, there was nothing much else he could do. Either they would start needling Eren until he exploded, or he could attempt to get some understanding of what was happening and convey it to them, assuage their fears. It was what they had been asking him to do for over a week, anyhow. “Are you at least feeling better after some time alone?”

  He absolutely wasn’t, he was worse, but he had run out of excuses, and his plan had become a disaster, back firing on him at every turn. There was no reason to keep it up, staying away from Levi was never going to make it better or cure him of this attraction. No, this crush, this desire was an immutable boulder that had settled firmly in his heart, and it wasn’t leaving. So, he lied. “I am.”

  Levi could see the smile on Eren’s face was slightly forced, but it was better than nothing, and better than anything anybody usually got from the shifter when he got in one of his ruts. “I’m glad. I missed our breakfasts. And people have been hounding me endlessly about you, even Jean.”

  “None of our friends are good at minding their own business.”

  Satisfied for the moment, Levi moved away, and returned to his bag of ingredients. Eren wasn’t getting away without dinner, and he was absolutely sure the younger man hadn’t told him everything. Maybe some time spent together would encourage him to volunteer what exactly had him so jumpy and down. For now, he had something else to ask of Eren. “If you’re feeling better then, perhaps you can come to the cadets’ graduation dinner tomorrow with me?”

  That annoying dichotomy of emotions smashed into Eren again. Excitement and dread, a swelling warmth that Levi wanted him to come, and absolute terror all at once. But that need to be with Levi rose above the negative, and he couldn’t say no. “Alright, but let’s hope Jean doesn’t get drunk this time.”

  Under the calm demeanor, Levi was bursting inside. He had missed Eren terribly, and though it was a small step, it was a step, nonetheless. Only time would tell if he had just made a grave mistake, or if he could begin pulling Eren out of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :3


	9. Chapter 9

  It had been quite a long time since Eren had donned his dress uniform, and he certainly didn’t remember it being this stiff and uncomfortable. Then again, in the old days, a stiff uniform would have been one of the very last things on his mind. Back then, anything that wasn’t battling titans and looking for dead friends and comrades felt comfortable.

  He considered the possibility that he was ‘going soft’ in these easier times –a ‘problem’ he wasn’t upset about having if that was truly what this was. And as much as grumbling to himself again about the discomfort of the clothing made him feel he may be taking things for granted, it didn’t completely stop him.

  More to pass the time waiting for Levi than anything else, he continued assessing the stiffness of his clothes and testing just how much he could bend his arms in his heavier coat, then he fiddled once again with his less than spectacularly tied tie. He never was great at doing this, and his nervous fingers were of little help. Usually, Mikasa had aided him with this in the past, but he wasn’t going to go all the way to her house simply to have her tie his tie. There wasn’t enough time for that, and even if he had the time for it, he’d never hear the end of it from Jean.

  _‘Maybe I need one of those things Levi wears,’_ he thought, before quickly deciding he could never pull off such a look the way Levi did. On the other hand, in his opinion Levi would look good in anything… even better in nothing.

  His thoughts turned with that (as they often did lately), going places he knew he shouldn’t allow them to go, especially when he could hear the Captain’s footsteps coming down the hall, knowing that within moments there would be a knock at his door.

  He stuffed his tie down into his coat, noting its crookedness before he turned from the mirror and went to his door. He hadn’t heard the knock yet, but opening the door now would seem too eager and weird, he thought. Instead, he stood in front of it, waiting, and feeling like an absolute idiot.

  And when the knock finally came, he stood there longer, not wanting the Captain to know he had been on the other side, just waiting for him. He took a deep breath, attempting to decompress and calm his jittery nerves before opening the door, where once again he stood like a statue, just gawking at Levi.

  Without a word, Levi slid past Eren and into the apartment, before turning around and appraising the younger man who was fumbling with the lock on his door. He could barely suppress an amused snort at how skittish Eren seemed. It wasn’t that he was taking pleasure in his discomfort, but the situation was tottering on the edge of absurd by this point, and though he knew Eren was struggling, there was something downright adorable about the way he was lumbering around. The rosy glow that was coming to his cheeks in his nervousness wasn’t unappreciated either.

  Eren, for his part, was once again just staring at Levi, who looked impeccable with not a hair out of place. He touched his fingers to his tie unconsciously, feeling like a disheveled mess in comparison.

  “Let’s fix that,” Levi said softly, noting not only that Eren’s tie was somewhat messy, but that he was clearly self-conscious about it.

  All that came out of his mouth was a confused squeak, as Levi moved right up before him, and began unbuttoning his coat.

  “What are you doing?” he managed out, paralyzed as he realized Levi was touching him. Undressing him.

  Was he _undressing_ him?

  “I’m adjusting your tie, Eren. You look like you had some trouble with it.” He suppressed a smile again as Eren’s cheeks turned a brighter shade of a red and he refused to make eye contact with him. “Hold still.”

  That wasn’t going to be a problem. Eren couldn’t even think about moving, his mind was solely focused on breathing, and _not_ looking at Levi. He kept his eyes fixed on the Captain’s fingers, which had taken his entire attempt at a proper knot apart, and was now deftly tying a new one. He gritted his teeth, attempting not to make any strange noises as Levi finished and smoothed the dark fabric down, his hand sliding over his chest as he did so, lingering for a moment, before he refastened his buttons, and just stood there, looking at him. Eren could feel it.

  That touch had been electric, like hot lightning striking him in the chest, blossoming out from there and covering his entire body. He wasn’t moving, couldn’t move, but he knew he was going to have to look at Levi eventually. Perhaps, he was waiting for a ‘thank you’, it was only commonplace that he would offer one.

  Finding some small bit of courage, Eren raised his head, their eyes met, and he noted Levi’s expression was impassive as ever. Unreadable. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Levi stepped back, giving Eren the air he seemed to need. “Shall we go, then?”

  Not wanting to continue making a fool of himself, Eren finally moved to the door, and Levi followed behind him, before exiting the apartment building and making their way out onto the street.

  As they walked side by side, Levi wondered to himself about Eren’s new hyper-nervous behavior. It was different than anything he had done before. He had his rough spots both during and after the war; times when he was quiet, sullen, angry, or anxious, but this was different, and he pondered if it was possible that Eren was beginning to realize his fondness for him.

  There was at first the admiration Eren had for him, which during the war had evolved into friendship. After that, their friendship had deepened, and an affection grew between them; something more than friends, but not ever crossing into anything romantic. Levi had recognized _his_ feelings for Eren some years before, but he suspected quite strongly that Eren had not yet become aware of his own. Or perhaps, he hadn’t come to terms with them, or maybe he didn’t realize _both_ their feelings had crossed into a different place.

  Levi often wondered about this situation, sometimes coming to the frightening conclusion that Eren was aware of his romantic inclinations towards him and that it wasn’t reciprocated. But he knew deep down this couldn’t be the case, Eren seemed to adore him, and if he truly sensed his feelings and didn’t feel the same way, he surely wouldn’t spend so much time with him.

  On this evening, though he found himself more preoccupied with these questions than normal, he quashed those musings down as they approached the dining hall. This wasn’t a night to try and analyze what was going on in Eren’s head in respect to him, it was for his cadets, and merriment, and most exciting; a chance for him to spend time with Eren again. He wasn’t going to spoil it with self-doubt, and confused thoughts. There was plenty of time for that later.

  The atmosphere was different when they entered than the last time, and to Eren’s relief, it was much calmer. No drunk people running around, no broken glasses shattering, and no shouting. For the most part, everyone was settled at tables, chatting quietly, the graduating cadets assembling near the head of the hall, waiting for Levi and the ceremony to begin.

  Eren followed Levi over to their regular table, where their friends were already sitting, waiting for them, and he felt nervous again. It hadn’t been strange seeing Levi after trying to avoid him, but seeing everyone else left him feeling awkward and out-of-place.

  And none of his worries were erased as they approached, and he met Armin’s eyes, the blonde quickly tapping Mikasa’s arm and pointing at him.

  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them, but he didn’t want them to make a big production out of him being social again. The last thing he wanted was to be the center of attention.

  So, it was a pleasant surprise when no one stood up or acted strange as he and Levi arrived at the table. They all simply offered greetings and smiled warmly at the both of them, before Hanji slid over offering him his usual place between her and Levi at the table.

  Normal conversation resumed, and instead of feeling like the outsider Eren expected he would, he felt himself loosening up, and enjoying the conversation. He really had missed this. He even felt his tension about not doing something stupid in front of Levi, or making his feelings obvious, abate slightly. It wasn’t totally gone, but he wasn’t hyper-focusing on the man sitting next to him, or that ever-present knee touching his again.

  For the first time in two weeks he felt a little more casual about it. Not that his feelings for the Captain had waned in the least, but he could enjoy that warm touch right now without falling to pieces.

  And though he had been slightly nervous when Levi had taken his leave from the table for the ceremony and left him alone with everyone, Eren found himself pleasantly surprised. The formalities didn’t take too terribly long, and the quiet it required saved him from having to make chitchat until it had ended and Levi returned. That had led into what had thus far been a pleasant dinner with his friends, discussions of what they would all be doing on their upcoming leave becoming the center of their conversation.

  All but Hanji, who was lamenting the fact that her position didn’t allow for such a thing as leave. “I don’t have any time off, but my load will be lighter over the next three weeks. Could I come see how the house is coming along sometime soon?”

  Eren scratched his neck awkwardly, and instinctively glanced at Levi. “Well, I haven’t worked on it for a couple weeks, so it’s not as far along as you’d think.”

  “I know that, but I assumed you two would spend most of your leave working on it.” She smiled at both Eren and Levi, nudging the younger of the two in the arm. “I’m sure you could get a lot done.”

  Though behind on his plans, it hadn’t crossed Eren’s mind to ask Levi to give up his well-deserved vacation to help him build the house. The weekends he had volunteered were one thing, but the three weeks to himself before the new recruits would be arriving for training were something altogether different. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  “I think it’s a good idea, Eren,” Levi said. “We could camp for a few days at a time.”

  Lovely as the suggestion was, Eren wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle this. “You don’t have other things you want to do?”

  “Tch. I have a book I planned to read, and I can bring it.” He looked at Eren, searching for that discomfort again, and his voice dropped just a bit lower, so only Eren and Hanji could hear. “It seems like a good time to get ahead, before the weather comes in, but if you have other things you want to do…”

  What could he say? There wasn’t a simple way to turn down this offer, and since his plan to avoid Levi had ended in abject failure, he thought he might as well get used to being around the man again. Short of moving beyond the walls, and swearing off his job and all of his friends, he’d never successfully avoid him. He was going to have to learn to live with this and keep it under control. “I think it’s a good time to do it, then. If you’re _sure_ you don’t mind.”

  There was a spark of the old Eren, and Levi and Hanji could both see genuine excitement from him. Of course, he had punctuated his acceptance with that slightly guarded inquiry of whether Levi truly wanted to assist, but considering how he had been as of late, it was to be expected.

  “We can make plans this weekend, and relax for a couple days before to getting to work next week.” Levi knocked back the rest of his drink before stretching and kicking his left leg up onto the edge of the table, satisfied. So far, this outing with Eren was going far better than he had planned. Jean hadn’t started with him, everyone had allowed him his space, and they had cemented plans for the house.

XxXxX 

  To Eren’s surprise, and Levi’s relief, the good evening had continued, everyone socializing as they did in years past. Until, finally they were left alone, their friends slowly departing the table over the course of the night, going to dance or mingle, Hanji eventually leaving to talk to some scientist who was in town for the graduation, and a comfortable silence enveloped the two as they alternated between drinking tea, and occasionally taking sips of ale.

  “Not as bad as you thought it would be?” Levi asked, carving through the quiet that had settled between them.

  “I guess not. I wasn’t excited about coming, but I’m happy I did.”

  Levi was quiet for a moment before he shifted and leaned closer. “Do you want to get out of here? Go for a walk?”

  “Yeah…” Eren answered. “I think I actually do.”

  Maybe it was the half an ale he drank that was providing some bit of liquid nerve, or perhaps it was the fact that no one had gotten him down and ruined his mood, but Eren didn’t feel so uneasy about this idea.

  There was a peace settling within him, an acceptance of the situation that he had been fighting against since recognizing it. He couldn’t change what was in his heart, but it didn’t mean he had to hide, or question everything he did in Levi’s presence. And as they made their rounds saying their good-nights to their friends, and left the party behind, his confidence grew.

  Eren wasn’t sure where they were walking to and he didn’t ask Levi, simply moved alongside him as they traveled through semi-deserted streets. The quiet had all the same comfort it always did when they were together, wordless, but now, Levi had a solemnity to him that Eren rarely saw.

  He could feel its heaviness, but under the blanket of darkness, and the crisp Autumn air, Eren felt as if he’d be cracking something precious if he were to ask what was wrong.

  It was only after they turned off the street and into a small square, and he found them in front of a war memorial that Eren began to get some insight into what had Levi seeming so melancholy.

  He didn’t breach the silence, but came to stand next to Levi, who was now taking in the statue. A nameless, generic soldier in their standard uniform, all three branches of the military represented in plaques beneath his feet.

  “I don’t know why…” Levi said, his hand coming up to run through his hair. “…but, I always find myself here when a class graduates.”

  Words didn’t come to Eren right away, it wasn’t often that he saw Levi somber, and he feared saying the wrong thing. It took a few moments of consideration and searching his empty hands for wisdom before he made a realization; Levi had come here, and brought him along, something he surely wouldn’t have done if he didn’t want himself exposed like this, and he ventured speech. “Do you think it’s because you think of the others? The ones we lost, I mean.”

  Eren watched him, unmoving, his eyes traveling up to the top of the statue’s head, then back down to his feet. “Maybe.”

  He moved to the nearby bench and sat down, an unspoken offer to talk if that was what Levi wanted. “It’s a strange feeling.”

  Levi turned, and Eren could see there was so much behind those tired looking eyes that met his as he walked forward and came to sit beside him. “It’s different now. Maybe I’ll never know why, but it makes me feel a little empty.”

  “I’m sorry,” Eren said.

  “For what? It’s not your fault.”

  “That I didn’t know.”

  “Nonsense,” Levi scolded. “You can’t know everything that everyone’s feeling all the time.”

  “But, I’ve been paying so much attention to my own problems, that I forgot I’m not the only one who has them. I’ve neglected everyone.” He had been selfish, he knew this, and he had allowed his friends to suffer for it.

  Levi laughed. “Eren, I’m just a grouchy old man. That’s my biggest problem.” He turned, and searched Eren’s face, only speaking when the younger man glanced toward him. “I don’t feel the least bit neglected by you… except maybe during that disappearing act you pulled the last two weeks.”

  “You’re not an old man, yet,” Eren admonished, before his voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I promise.”

  “You better not. If you do, I’ll have to punish you. Make you clean the stables like I used to. I’m still your superior.”

  Eren laughed, the weighty silence that had followed them from the dining hall, lifting slightly, and he leaned back, looking at the cloudless sky, stealing glances at the Captain every now and then.

  It was only after long minutes of counting stars that Eren felt Levi’s hand slip around his own, his fingers coming to lightly press against his palm.

  He prevented a surprised gasp from coming forth and for that he was relieved, but he couldn’t look at him, only down at their hands together, entwined, resting against the seat of the bench.

  It was the kind of gesture he could almost pretend there was more behind, had he not been a titan. If he were normal, he mused, it would be perfectly reasonable of him to see this as something more than friendship.

  Alas, this wasn’t that, but it _was_ their close friendship, and it was a depth of care that he didn’t experience with _anyone_ else, and that made it special, and something he could most definitely live with for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm killing some of you with these adorable derps and their super slow, slow-burn, and for that I am sorry. Just hang in there, I promise you'll get some pay off pretty soon. I've got good focus and a nice writing groove going right now, and Chapter Ten is already underway in my Word docs as I type this (I probably would have been able to update with both chapters today, if I hadn't had to wrestle this chapter into submission and edit the shit out of it). Anyhow, there will be an interesting turn of events in the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you like it! <3


	10. Chapter 10

  Levi held the letter in his hand, seething. He could feel his heart rate jump, a wave of hopelessness and panic taking him before he crumpled up the offending correspondence and threw it hard into the corner of his kitchen.

  Lashing out in a fit of rage, he kicked the nearest cabinet, breaking the door and knocking it askew, before stopping himself from ripping the thing off and tossing it across the room. He was teetering on the brim of what he would define as a tantrum, but pulled himself back from the edge. He wasn’t accepting this, he had to go talk to Hanji and tell her, ‘no’. Consequences be damned!

  Snatching up the ball of paper, he left his apartment, slamming the door behind him, bypassing securing the extra lock, and stormed out onto the street. His boots slammed against the cobblestone beneath his feet as he nearly stomped to Hanji’s office, muttering ‘shut up’ under his breath to the _friendlier_ people along the way who were still overjoyed to see ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’.

  Trying to collect himself before he entered HQ, he took a deep breath, squeezing the balled-up letter in his hand harder, then went inside. He wasn’t a person to normally act out, but he was furious, so much so that he could feel the blood pumping through him. He could almost hear it.

  When he reached Hanji’s door, he didn’t knock. He knew this likely wasn’t her fault, she wouldn’t just do _this_. Not without talking to him, but anger had taken him, and rudeness was left in its wake.

  “Levi,” she called as he shut her door behind him as quietly as he could manage. Her expression changing from a warm smile to a frown when he turned around and she saw his scowl.

  He stopped before her desk, tossing the ball of paper down in front of her. “What the fuck is this?”

  She looked at him confused, before uncrumpling the paper, smoothing it out and reading it. Her expression went from confusion, to understanding, finally settling on shocked horror as she looked up at Levi. “The brass at The Capital mentioned this to me during my trip this summer. I told them you wouldn’t be interested, that you wouldn’t want to do it. I thought that was the end of it, I didn’t know they were still considering it… I haven’t looked at my files from The Capital yet today… if I had known, I would have said something to you.”

  “I’m not going, Hanji.”

  “I know you don’t want to go, but if I may say; it’s not a punishment, it’s a promotion.”

  “I don’t give shit. I’m not going to Mitras.”

  She was quiet for a moment, considering her words carefully. “You can’t _not_ go. This isn’t _me_ doing this, it came down from The Capital. They are orders.”

  “I’m happy here, I don’t care about running their shitty new arm of Survey Corps, or a promotion.”

  “You don’t have a choice. You’re a soldier, you have to follow orders.”

  Levi stood silent for a moment, and his eyes which had been squarely fixed on Hanji didn’t waver. “Then, I quit.”

  Hanji’s mouth dropped open as she got to her feet, moved around her desk, and came to stand in front of Levi. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “You’ll lose everything, Levi. Your pension, your salary, apartment. Your records will be stamped, ‘Dishonorable’. Few people would even hire you for a job. If you weren’t _you_ , you’d be up in front of the court!”

  “I don’t fucking care. I’ll make my own job, I am _not_ going.”

  She was quiet for a moment, looking down at Levi’s hands before taking them in her own and meeting his eyes. “You love him that much?”

  His eyes narrowed, and he remained silent, neither confirming nor denying what she was insinuating.

  Silence being an insufficient answer, she prodded. “That’s the reason, isn’t it? Because of Eren?”

  “Hanji,” he said warningly.

  She wanted to be gentle, understanding, but her exasperation was getting the better of her, and she dropped his hands, walking away from him, before spinning on her heel and facing him again. “You think the rest of us don’t know? That we don’t see the flirting, the touches, the looks? Do you really think you’re keeping some kind of secret? If you love him that much, tell him already!”

  In a display, so much unlike himself, he ran his hands up through his hair, tugging slightly at his scalp. “It’s complicated.”

  She laughed. “What the hell is so complicated? You love him, he loves you.”

  “He doesn’t know,” Levi whispered, an uncharacteristic sigh punctuating his statement.

  “He doesn’t _know_ what?”

  “That he loves me, Hanji! He doesn’t realize.”

  She laughed again. “You’re ridiculous, Levi, of course he knows! That boy has loved you since he was a teenager following you everywhere and trying desperately to clean to your standards. In fact, you two are so obvious that there was a time I was worried you were sleeping with him during the war. I didn’t want you to get into trouble, seeing he was your subordinate and he was so much younger, but I figured out I was wrong.”

  He gawked at her. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, I’m serious. Even Armin and Mikasa thought you were sleeping with him. Why do you think she used to glare at you like that?”

  “Fuck…” He felt so transparent.

  Her voice softened, concern touching her words. “I don’t expect you to go to Mitras, to leave Eren, and I don’t blame you, but if you’re going to give up everything, I think you should stop these games, and get on with it. For both your sakes.”

  “We’ll see,” he said as he turned to leave, glancing at her before opening the door. “I’m serious about quitting.”

  She rolled her eye. “I know you are, Levi. Bring me your resignation tomorrow. I feel like an awful person saying it, but you’ll have a month to find a new place to live.”

  “You’re not an awful person, Hanji.” He opened the door, giving her one last glance. “Thanks.”

  The walk home wasn’t as dreadful as he expected it to be. He felt like a burden had been lifted from him, and any worries he should have had about his future were put aside as he thought about what Hanji had said about he and Eren.

  Was it possible he had been so stupidly blind? That Eren did realize, and just hadn’t said anything? He hadn’t made his feelings known _either_ \- at least not aloud, but he was much older and was leaving it to Eren, not wanting to appear to be taking advantage of him because of Eren’s former admiration of him and their considerable age difference.

  “Damn it,” he whispered, deciding that he might be the biggest idiot living within the walls as he walked into his building, almost smashing into Eren as he did so.

  “Levi! I was just stopping home to get ready for dinner.” Eren smiled at him, those green eyes glowing. He had been so much different over the weekend, as if something within him had shifted, and he was going to be so worried now. It didn’t matter how much Levi reassured him that things would be fine, he knew Eren well enough to gauge what his reaction was going to be.

  _‘Fuck it,’_ Levi thought. 

  “Do you want to go with me somewhere else to get dinner tonight? The Lazy Peddler?” He couldn’t go to the mess hall after he just quit the Survey Corps. The dining hall was for soldiers, and though he hadn’t tendered his official resignation, he couldn’t think of anything more awkward than going there to eat. Besides that, he could use a stiffer drink than what was on offer there.

  “Sure. Why?”

  Levi stood there for a moment, looking at Eren, attempting to find an eloquent way to word what he was about to reveal, and failing miserably. “I quit.”

  Eren stopped smiling, and glared at him, perplexed. “ _’Quit’_ what?”

  “The Survey Corps. I quit the military.”

  Eren frowned, his mouth opening and closing wordlessly for a moment, as he grappled with the shock and strangeness of what Levi had just said. “You’re joking.”

  “Do I look like I’m joking with you, Eren? I quit.”

  “Why?” Eren gasped.

  “They wanted to promote me, and were going to move me to Mitras,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “But… “

  “Listen, Eren. Just go get ready, then come next door. We’ll talk about it over dinner.”

  Eren just started at him, looking dejected for a moment, before he complied and unlocked his door. “Alright…”

  Levi returned to his apartment, noticing the cabinet door he had broken as he walked inside. _‘They’re going to charge me for that.’_

  Making his way into his bathroom, he splashed some water on his face and breathed slowly, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. He had worked himself up into a frenzy, and now he was getting just the slightest bit nervous about going out to eat with Eren. His heart was fluttering madly, like some teenager’s, and he thought with a smile to himself that he was far too old for this shit.

  But, it didn’t stop him, as the next place he went was to his wardrobe to pick out fresh clothes. He pulled out a nicer vest than what he was wearing, something a bit more refined, black with a touch of stitching on the pockets, fresh dark slacks, and a pressed grey button-down. Hanji was right, he _was_ ridiculous, he thought as he got changed and stopped by his bathroom once more to refresh his cologne.

  He wasn’t going to take Eren into his bed tonight, but there was no reason not to take some of Hanji’s advice to heart and at least spiff himself up for Eren. Get a better feel for where the shifter stood so he could figure out how to approach this whole relationship situation, find a way to eventually tell Eren he loved him.

  When he knocked, Levi was relieved, but it was short-lived as he opened the door and saw that troubled look on Eren’s face. It was going to take him all night to calm him down. He barely had a chance to take in how handsome he looked before he was fretting again. But he looked so lovely, dressed in those dark pants, a white shirt and neatly tailored jacket, he had even tamed his mess of hair, and Levi quieted him for a moment so he could simply appreciate him.

  He looked him up and down, the left side of his mouth coming up into a smile as he reached up and tussled his hair. “That’s better.”

  “Hey! I was trying to look nice, The Lazy Peddler is _nice_.”

  “And you _do_ look nice, but not like yourself with your hair neat.”

  “Oh.” Eren reached up, messing his locks up a bit more. “About dinner, though… The Lazy Peddler is expensive, and with the house I don’t have a lot of extra money, and—“

  Levi cut him off. “Don’t worry about it. I’m taking you out.”

  “But you just quit, you’re not going to have money soon.”

  “Don’t worry so much Eren, everything will be fine.”

  Eren looked unconvinced, and he was, but Levi didn’t much care at the moment. He wanted a nice dinner with Eren, and a drink. He would explain everything to his green-eyed _friend_ when they were at dinner.

  Once they were out on the street, Levi decided to forego walking. Eren was already heaping him with concerns, and agonizing about his future, thinking he was going to end up in prison.

  A carriage would be much faster.

   The younger man was on the brink of tears during the ride, and when they finally made it to the entrance of the restaurant, Levi grabbed his hands, which were flailing about in some animated tizzy. “Listen to me, Eren. I’m _not_ going to prison. They would _never_ put _me_ in prison for this.”

  “Are you sure?” Eren whispered, looking like he was going to cry again.

  “Absolutely. Let’s go inside. I’d like to have a drink and then we can talk about all of your concerns.”

  “Alright,” Eren conceded, following Levi inside and over to a table in the corner.

  The atmosphere was dark and warm, small lanterns sat on knotty wooden tables, and the delicious scent of cooking meat permeated the air. Something about it eased Eren’s worries just a little, and Levi sensed it as he took the seat across from him before he stretched his leg out and leaned his foot against one of Eren’s. As much as he said he wasn’t worried, he was, and he wanted that bit of a connection, something to ground him.

  A waitress came over handing them menus and inquiring about drink orders, and Levi knew exactly what he wanted. “Whiskey. Dancing Horse. Neat.”

  “And for you?” the waitress asked Eren.

  He sat there not exactly sure what to get. He’d never had anything fancy to drink before, just the ale or wine they had at the dining hall for parties. “Just an ale, I guess. A pint.”

  She walked away, and Eren fiddled with his napkin, trying to keep from asking too many stupid questions. “I’ve never had whiskey.”

  “I only drink it once in a while, and today seemed a good occasion.”

  “I guess. You’re not worried, Levi? You seem so odd and happy. I don’t know…”

  “I am a little bit worried, but I’ve survived things a lot more terrible. I’ll be alright.” Levi was quiet for a minute. He had contended with worse than this; his mother’s death, the Underground, the war, but he wasn’t exactly used to strife like this anymore. Years ago, before he had become a member of the Survey Corps, not having a direction was part of day to day life, but it had been so long since he was simply surviving. He wasn’t certain how to approach this form of uncertainty anymore.

  “So, they offered you a promotion?” Eren asked as the waitress returned with their drinks.

  “They wanted me to head up a new arm of Survey Corps, scouting for settlement sites, but it’s being run out of Mitras.”

  “And you don’t like Mitras?”

  “I don’t want to move. I didn’t ask for this.”

  Conflicting feelings began to surface in Eren. He was more than relieved that Levi wasn’t leaving, and when he thought of how close he had been to losing the man, his stomach almost bottomed out in terror. On the other hand, he was relieved about something that left Levi with no job, or money, and a less than glorious ending to an illustrious military career. “What are you going to do?”

  Levi took a swig of his drink, grimacing at its strength. “I have no idea.”

  “Maybe you could become a builder,” Eren suggested. “You were fast working on the house.”

  “That’s because I had my gear. I think I’ll have to turn that in when I give Hanji my resignation tomorrow.” He finished off the rest of his drink, and put his arm up to ask for another.

  “Don’t have too much, Levi.”

  “Just a few, I promise. I’ll slow down,” he assured Eren.

  That promise was kept as their evening continued, and they feasted on lamb and potatoes, Levi ‘Tch-ing’ Eren when he attempted to order the cheapest thing on the menu and insisting he get what he really wanted.

  For the most part they had both calmed down, Eren finally accepting Levi wasn’t going to end up in the brig, Levi warming with a heady buzz, and finding himself more daring, sliding his other foot forward now, trapping one of Eren’s between both of his boots.

  The shifter looked so sweet in the low light, smiling as the waitress returned with the last round of drinks for them and to clear their plates. It was likely partly the alcohol, but Eren seemed relaxed now, and his cheeks had taken on the most charming shade of pink, those green eyes glinting as he looked at him from across the table.

  There was such a captivating innocence in them; regardless of all Eren had seen, an indestructible beauty was still there, and Levi was sure that it could never be shattered. He smiled slightly at Eren’s obvious squirming under his scrutiny, squeezing his foot slightly between his own, wanting to see his response.

  And Levi almost laughed when Eren’s cheeks blushed darker, his eyebrows moving up under his bangs, and he nervously took a sip of his drink.

  _‘I think Hanji was right,’_ Levi thought, then admonished himself for having a bit too much fun testing Eren’s responses to his flirtation.

  He took a drink and shifted, his left leg wrapping slightly around Eren’s right, and the younger man’s voice came out in a high-pitched crack. “So, you’re bringing the letter to Hanji tomorrow?”

  He didn’t want to talk about the resignation, he wanted to continue flirting with Eren, let himself get lost in those bejeweled eyes. But Eren was still distressed, and he sighed. “Yes. I’m going to write it in the morning. No reason to spoil tonight.”

  “What are you going to say?”

  “I’m going to tell them to go fuck themselves.”

  “You can’t!”

  “I’m not serious, Eren,” he said, pausing for a moment. “Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.”

  “I can help.”

  “If you’d like.”

  “We’re probably not going to be able to spend so much time on the house while I’m on leave. We need to find you a job,” Eren said, masking his disappointment.

  “Bullshit. We’re going to work on the house. I’m going to make my own job, start a business, I think.”

  This sounded a little too unrealistic to Eren. “How are you going to do that? You’re not going to have any money coming in.”

  “I’ve been saving money ever since I joined the Survey Corps; it’s not as if I had a lot of time to spend it during the war.” Levi finished his drink, leaned forward and whispered. “I also still have that sizable bonus we were given after the war.”

  “Oh! What kind of business were you thinking?” Eren asked.

  “I don’t know yet, but I’ve got time. First order of business is for me to find a new apartment.”

  “Oh no! I didn’t consider that.” Eren frowned. He had of course, planned on moving to his house when it was completed, but now, hearing Levi talk about moving, and the prospect of not having him right next door, so close, left him feeling disconcerted.

  “Are you ready to head home?” Levi asked.

  “Yes.” Eren gulped down the rest of his ale, not liking the feeling when Levi plunked some money down on the table and untangled his leg from him.

  They slipped out into the night, deciding to take a carriage again, Eren insisting Levi allow him to at least pay for that, to which he agreed. For now, Eren had quieted, other than occasionally pointing out buildings that he thought had living spaces available.

  Then that silence had come over them again, that comfortable one that had been nurtured between them for years, but now it wasn’t different; like it was filled with electricity and a thick swirling storm, and Levi took Eren’s hand again, like he had before at the memorial. But this time he squeezed, and pressed his knee harder against Eren’s. It was the only thing he could do to stop himself from reaching over and kissing him. It was an agonizing task, trying to stop himself, but this wouldn’t be a good place to do such a thing with Eren so skittish. There were people on the streets, the carriage driver, and Levi was almost certain Eren hadn’t kissed anyone before.

  Instead, he tried to focus on the sound of the horse hooves hitting the street, and acknowledging Eren’s apartment suggestions as he made them. He supposed the alcohol and the day’s unpleasant surprise were contributing to the difficulty he was having keeping his extremities to himself, but he wasn’t going to chastise himself over it either.

  Eren’s hand was warm in the cool night air, and he didn’t seem uncomfortable with his touch, squeezing Levi’s hand back every so often, though he still refused to make eye contact.

  When they arrived at their building and Levi had to let go so they could depart the carriage, both felt the loss keenly. Eren covered his disquietude by fiddling with his wallet as he paid the driver, and Levi leaned by the entrance to their building, kicking the brick with the heel of his boot, attempting to cover his own.

  They went inside, coming to stop in front of Eren’s door. Neither man speaking for long moments, instead just taking each other in.

  Uncharacteristic of Eren in a charged atmosphere such as this, he was the first to speak. “Thanks for dinner, Levi… and everything else.”

  “After the day I’ve had, there’s no one I would rather have taken but you.”

  Eren shifted, wringing his hands timidly, not certain what to do with them. That piercing gaze was upon him, and despite his nervousness, he met it, feeling slightly more courageous after their evening together. “If you need anything, I’ll be right next door.”

  Levi didn’t say anything, and his eyes remained fixed on Eren’s as he searched his face, his hand moving up to Eren’s jaw, thumb running over his bottom lip. Eren’s eyes went wide, but anything he could think to say was silenced when Levi leaned up and their lips met. He pulled back for a moment, eyes flicking up to meet Eren’s again before his hand slid to the back of Eren’s head, fisting brunet locks and kissing him again.

  This time he didn’t pull away, his tongue coming to swipe against Eren’s trembling mouth, before Eren gave in, and they were tasting each other, teeth catching lips, their tongues twisting together as they pressed closer. Eren felt Levi’s other arm come around his waist, and he set his hands lightly on Levi’s hips, not sure what to do with them, grasping them harder when he breathed in and caught Levi’s scent. Eren whimpered, and Levi almost growled, his fingers digging into Eren’s back, wanting so badly to feel that flesh against his hands.

  It was careless and messy, and Eren fumbled, but it was passionate and perfect and beautiful too, and all the games they were playing, and doubts they carried fell down around them in those moments.

  And then it was soft and languid and sweet, as they floated down from the high, and finally parted. Eren’s fingers came up to his lips, touching them softly in disbelief as he looked at Levi, his legs feeling like they were about to go out from under him.

  Levi studied Eren, his eyes softening more, admiring kiss reddened lips and finding Eren absolutely spellbinding. “That’s exactly what I needed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
> 
> When I was nearing the end of the chapter, and started writing them on the carriage ride home, "All I Want is You", by U2 came on my player, and it was like serendipity, and the rest of the chapter just poured forth, and I was all, "fuck yeah"! I literally jumped in triumph with my fist in the air when I finished this. I know I'm ridiculous. I swear these two are going to kill me.
> 
> Anyhow, there you go, they finally kissed each other. ;p
> 
> We'll see what happens from here. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Let me know what you think. <3 <3 <3


	11. Chapter 11

  Eren awoke in the morning, eyes still closed, stretching, testing reality as memories from the night before occupied his mind. He thought for a moment that it had been a dream, but when he touched his lips, he knew that it wasn’t. Levi really had kissed him, he could almost still taste him.

  It wasn’t something he ever thought would happen, having convinced himself that he was unworthy of being touched in such a way, but it had, and now he was left wondering where exactly this left the two of them.

  Levi seemed pleased the night before when he had left him to retire to his own apartment, allowing Eren to regard him in disbelief for a while, before taking his hand and placing one last chaste kiss against his lips, then saying ‘good-night’. Eren couldn’t process what had happened before he went to bed, but now in the morning, as it replayed in his mind, he was finding the hardening flesh between his legs becoming an urgent need to take care of.

  He hadn’t allowed himself to do this while thinking of Levi before. After realizing his feelings for him, he had not wanted to intensify them and cause himself further troubles, but now that Levi had kissed him like that, things had changed, and he felt free to recall that moment again while stroking himself.

  His hand slid down his stomach and into his pajama bottoms before he grasped his cock, hissing at the over-sensitivity before thinking back to the night before.

  He had been so nervous, and felt like he was on the precipice of something, not quite able to grasp what it was. But when Levi had looked at him, and touched his face, he knew this was what he had been grappling for, and when he ran his thumb across his lip, his heart hitched in his chest with twitchy anticipation, knowing what would come next.

  Those lips were on his, and when they pulled away, he almost cried out at the loss, but then Levi was looking into his eyes with a look so intense and so warm and reassuring that he melted inside, and then he was tugging at his hair, and his lips were back again.

  And oh, how that pull to his hair had made him tingle. He nearly came apart, but Levi had pulled him back down from that restless uncontrollable need as he felt his arm come around his waist, then panicked for a moment wondering what to do with his hands. The panic was short lived, because it felt so perfect, and he was just where he needed to be; in Levi’s arms, sharing his first kiss, smelling him, tasting him, and feeling that hungry need to go further.

  It was what had almost tipped him over the edge the night before, and what finally did now, as he came harder than he thought he ever had in his life. He lay breathless in his bed, finally opening his eyes to the day’s light, and as much as he would have been happy to do it all over again, the ‘real thing’ was next door, and he had agreed to help him with his resignation letter.

  He sucked in a few deep breaths, replenishing his oxygen, before going to his bathroom to shower. Levi had a tendency to rise early, and the last thing he wanted was for him to stop by and find him a sticky mess with a still half-hard dick. They had shared that kiss, but Eren was new to this, and he wasn’t sure what to do next, or how he should approach Levi. He wasn’t presumptuous enough to think he would necessarily jump on him if he found him in this state. They had consumed a few drinks the night before, and he was trying to prepare for the possibility it had all been a fluke.

   After he finished showering and dressing, he ate a breakfast of toast and jam, and finally looked around, finding nothing left to do in his apartment. His nervousness rose as he went to his door, and he thought of one last task to occupy him, before going back to his bathroom to fix his hair.

  Levi had messed it up before they went to dinner, commenting that he looked more like himself when it wasn’t neat. It seemed like he preferred it that way, and Eren felt a need to make certain it was imperfectly perfect for the older man.

  He wanted to see Levi, but was feeling timid about going over to his apartment, those self-doubts tugging in the back of his mind, regardless of the fact that Levi had been affectionate with him even before he’d had any whiskey. Though, he couldn’t avoid it forever, and Levi probably _was_ expecting him.

  Grabbing his coat (in case he needed it), he took slow shaky steps into the hallway and locked up, slowing further as he reached Levi’s door. His hand hung in the air for a moment, inches in front of it, before he gulped and knocked, and it opened quicker than he expected.

  Levi stood there and looked at him, his eyes softening immediately upon recognition, before he took his arm, tugged him inside and kissed him hard on the lips, deepening it for a moment before pulling back. “Good morning.”

  Eren touched his lips again as Levi closed the door, then gave him that small half-cocked smile before walking over to his desk, calling to him as he went. “I couldn’t sleep when I got back last night, so I wrote my resignation. I think it’s just about finished.”

  Still stunned, Eren shook his head, trying to pull himself down from the fog of Levi, before walking over to the desk. “Were you nice?”

  “I told you I would be.” Levi pulled the paper from the typewriter and presented it to Eren. “Read it. Tell me what you think.”

  Eren read it over, nodding his head at what he had included; expressions of gratefulness for the years he had served, a statement of regret over not wanting the promotion, followed up with an explanation, stating that he didn’t want to move, and had planned on leaving once his contract was up in a year, anyway. “It’s good. You really weren’t going to reenlist?”

  “I had entertained the idea.”

  “It’s strange. I guess, I just thought you’d always be my Captain,” Eren said.

  “I won’t be after we deliver this letter,” Levi explained, taking the paper from Eren, and folding it neatly.

  “Are you sad?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll miss training the cadets, but I fell into this job, and I stayed because there were things I needed to do. I did those things. And I know I don’t want to leave here.” He looked at Eren thoughtfully. “One part of my life is closing, and a new part is opening. That’s good.”

  “It is,” Eren said, feeling a little sad himself, that feeling overshadowed by relief that Levi wasn’t leaving.

  “Let’s bring this to Hanji, then,” Levi suggested before grabbing his coat and gear, and moving toward the door.

  Outside it was raining and cold, the perfect complement to their task, Eren thought sarcastically, wishing he had brought his cloak instead of his jacket. They half ran, half walked to the building, Eren following Levi as he avoided puddles. He was watching him so closely while daydreaming about the Captain that he almost tripped as they leapt up onto the curb in front of HQ, and caught himself with his hands against the side of the building.

  Levi stopped and waited, teasing him. “Careful, klutz.”

  “I wasn’t paying attention,” Eren groused.

  “I bet you weren’t,” Levi said, smirking suggestively before opening the door and holding it for him.

  Eren blushed, but moved inside anyway. He wasn’t sure what to say or how to react. He enjoyed the things Levi said to him, but he struggled to find the appropriate responses to them. He was so new to this, and Levi was definitely not –given his age, and he feared looking foolish in front of him and driving him away.

  Noticing the bewildered expression on Eren’s face, Levi nudged his arm as they walked through the hall. “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah,” Eren answered, shaking his head. “I was just thinking.”

  “Don’t think too much, you might hit a wall again,” Levi said as they reached Hanji’s office, then knocked on the door. He wasn’t just walking in today.

  “Come in.” They both heard, before Levi stepped inside, closing the door after Eren joined him.

  Hanji stood up, and came around her desk, looking both the men before her over, her eye going to Levi, then Eren, and back to Levi again, then smiling. “So, you’re really doing this?”

  Levi glanced at Eren, and back at Hanji, looking stock serious, then hefted his 3DMG onto her desk. “I’ll miss these the most.”

  He moved back toward Eren, then held out the letter, surprised when the shifter grabbed his hand.

  “He won’t go to prison, will he?” Eren wouldn’t allow him to do this if that was a possibility, even if he had to beg him. He couldn’t bear the thought of him wasting away, alone, locked up in the brig.

  Hanji laughed. “No, Eren. They’re not going to send ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’ to the brig. They wouldn’t send any of us to prison for this.”

  “Are you sure?” Eren questioned.

  “I’m sure. Can you imagine the scandal? It wouldn’t be good for The Capital to put _heroes_ in prison. Besides, I believe they know they owe all of us a great deal.”

  “Alright,” Eren conceded, letting Levi’s hand go, and taking a step back.

  Hanji took the letter and looked it over, before setting it down on her desk and holding out her quill. “You just need to sign it.”

  The apprehension Levi felt earlier wore away as he looked at Eren, thinking to himself that he was definitely _not_ worth losing, before he took the quill and neatly scribed his signature across it. Hanji stamped some papers and handed them to him, and he looked at them and sighed, noting the, ‘DISHONORABLE’ emblazoned across them. He stuffed them in his coat pocket, then turned to Eren.

  “I guess we’re done...”

  There was a ponderousness that hung in the air and no one spoke for a moment. It wasn’t so much sadness or regret, but that disquieting feeling of finality and powerlessness that seemed to take people in situations such as this.

  Eren wasn’t sure if it was just him, if it was the combination of this change and the one in he and Levi’s relationship, or something else, but he felt terribly uncomfortable. It was only when Hanji’s expression went from a sad seriousness to a smile and she looked at them both appraisingly that Eren brightened up slightly.

  “Something seems _different_ ,” she observed.

  Eren shifted uncomfortably, and Levi stood in place, narrowing his eyes slightly at his now former Commander.

  “In a good way, I mean. You both seem good.” She ushered them both toward the door, feeling slightly guilty about how awkward Eren now appeared. “It’s terrible outside, and Eren, you’re on leave, you don’t want to be lingering here. Get home and make a nice fire, you two.”

  Levi opened the door, beckoning Eren with a glance, before he sent Hanji a look and shepherded Eren out the door. She smiled at him before he departed, and he was certain if she were still capable of winking, she would have.

  As soon as they were out of HQ and back on the street, Eren tugged on Levi’s jacket. “Does she know?”

  “I didn’t tell her, but she always knows everything,” Levi explained. “You can’t keep any secrets from her.”

  They continued winding their way through the streets, trying to avoid the rain by walking under awnings, Eren watching his feet so he didn’t trip again, and trying to figure out how Hanji knew. He hadn’t thought they had done anything that was obvious, but Levi assured him that she was simply very perceptive. That, or she had magic powers none of them were aware of.

  When they got back to the apartment building they were cold, their hair plastered to their faces by the freezing rain, boots soaked through. As much as people had the misconception that Eren never got cold because of his shifting ability, he did, and he was so cold he was shivering, which Levi noted.

  “Get warm, Eren. I’m going to make us some tea,” he said as he hung up their coats and moved into the kitchen, scowling at the broken cabinet door as he went by. “You can start a fire.”

  Moving to the fireplace, Eren put logs and kindling in place before setting it ablaze, and shifted to one of the chairs in Levi’s sitting area. He watched Levi work in the kitchen, the older man carefully pouring boiling water into a small pot with an infusion, before setting it on a tray and coming to sit with him.

  It was quiet for long minutes while they waited, Eren trying to warm up his now sockless feet with his hands, before Levi finally broke the silence. “It’s that tea I gave you. You like it, right?”

  “I do. It’s almost gone, though,” Eren said, remembering his breakdown over it a few days before, and feeling a bit stupid.

  “We’ll have to get you more,” Levi said as he poured a cup and set it in front of Eren.

  It was better when Levi made it, Eren thought as he took a sip and tried to settle the thoughts racing through his mind. Sitting with Levi was nice, and he adored it, but it was so frustrating at the same time. He didn’t know if he should talk, or look at Levi, and he wasn’t sure how to convey the affection he felt for him. Levi was so good at it all, and Eren just felt inferior in this, almost lost.

  He looked down into his cup, wondering if he should go kiss him or wait for him to do it, then started fretting over giving the wrong signals and worried about making Levi think he wasn’t interested. He felt that tight feeling in his chest he had days before, his heart rate increasing as his breathing became more rapid, and he squeezed his eyes shut hard trying to make it stop.

  “Is something the matter, Eren?” Levi asked, noting his obvious discomfort, his own insecurities surfacing for barely a second.

  His eyes snapped open and he looked at Levi, taking a moment to answer. “I… I don’t know how to do this.”

  Eren watched as Levi got up, and knelt in front of him, his hand coming to rest on his knee. “Do what?”

  “This.” Eren looked at Levi, trying to convey wordlessly what he couldn’t figure out how to say, before blurting it out. “This thing with us, I don’t know how to…”

  “What do you want?” Levi quietly asked, his fingers splaying across Eren’s thigh, the tips of them digging in.

  Eren was quiet for a moment, a bashful pink painting his cheeks. “To kiss you.”

  “Then, kiss me.”

  Eren wet his lips, and still held Levi’s gaze as his hand came up to cup his cheek, mimicking his actions from the previous night. His head moved forward trepidatiously until he felt Levi’s breath against his lips. His eyes closed, and the touch was feather light at first, before Levi pressed back against his mouth. It left Eren feeling bolder, and he nipped gently at the older man’s lips, forgetting himself when Levi hummed against them and opened his mouth.

  It was like the night before all over again, and Eren began to lose himself, one hand settling on Levi’s chest, the other coming up against the back of his neck, feeling the soft stubble of his undercut with his fingers, while Levi’s hands skimmed over his hips, around to his back. He could feel him untucking the back of his shirt, and God, how he wanted to feel Levi’s hands on his skin. Eren could barely contain himself as Levi broke away and began kissing his neck, and he squirmed and writhed, almost slipping out of the chair when Levi finally got his hands on his skin.

  Levi pulled away for a moment, looking at Eren as he attempted to keep him from sliding onto the floor. “I think we should move.”

  He stood up, tugging the younger man to his feet, beginning to unfasten the buttons on Eren’s shirt as he walked backwards to the bed, pulling him along. When they reached the edge, Levi turned Eren, pressing him down against the blanket, coming to straddle him, and they were quickly wrapped up in each other again.

  Eren cried out, back arching as Levi kissed up one side of his neck, across the underside of his chin, and down the other, going back to removing the younger man’s shirt when he ran into the frustrating fabric. He worked hastily, and after he had divested him of the soft material, Eren opened his eyes, looking at Levi, who was just watching him lying there half undressed, dark eyes taking him all in.

   His hands came up, stopping short of touching Levi’s chest, still apprehensive, but Levi took them into his own, moving them to the buttons on his shirt, eyes blinking slowly, as he looked down at him. Silent permission given, before Eren felt brave enough to lean up and take his lips again while trying desperately to get that damn shirt off.

  It wasn’t long before it was gone, discarded onto the floor with Levi’s help, and Eren became a whining mess as he felt Levi’s skin touch his for the first time. He was arching up beneath him, overstrung, helpless to the sensations, almost bucking him off, his hips trying to get some friction, fingers digging into Levi’s back, before Levi pulled away, and started unbuttoning his pants.

  “Fuck it," Levi breathed.

  And the rest of their clothing became a forgotten pile as Levi looked on appreciatively, his lover crying out, that rigid flesh freed from its confines, cool air caressing it, before he spread Eren’s legs and came to kneel between them. Levi looked at Eren’s cock, eyes traveling up to his face, leaning over to kiss his lips before they traveled back down, and he dragged his knuckles over the sensitive head, down the thick vein on its underside and over his balls, watching as Eren squeezed his eyes shut and cried out.

   “Eren,” Levi called softly, looking at him again, lips curling as he took in that flushed face, met his gaze with dark loving eyes, and wet his lips. “Touch yourself.”

  Eren looked at Levi, his whole body flushing with the conflict of arousal and embarrassment, hardening painfully at the risqué suggestion. His hand moved nervously to his cock, squeezing hard, a deep shuddering breath passing between his lips as he began to stroke himself. He tried to look at Levi as his hand glided over his length, his skin getting hotter, flushing darker --if possible, before he couldn’t take the weight of those eyes on him anymore, screwed his eyes shut, and pressed his head hard back into the pillow.

  He heard Levi groan, felt him shift, and then his hand over his, aiding his movements, before descending on him again, tasting his lips, and then his chest, leaving bruises along the way.

  Eren thrashed beneath Levi, whimpering as he felt him pull his hand away from his dick, before tangling his fingers with his own and pressing their hands into the mattress by his head. He almost screamed when he felt Levi’s cock against his, hard slick flesh meeting hard slick flesh, sliding beside each other as Levi began driving against him, and Eren thought he was going to lose it right there. He pressed his face into Levi’s neck, breathing him in, the wonderful smell of his sweat and the spice of his cologne filling his nose.

  Levi bit and sucked on his shoulder, and Eren tried to hang on. He was wound up like a bow, and he was so hot and Levi’s hands were so cool, and the feel of their skin against each other and Levi all around him was like beautiful madness. Eren didn’t want it to end, but that cock was gliding against his own with such sweet friction, and finally, he felt all his muscles bunch, and he came with a shudder, blunt nails raking into Levi’s ass, as he rode out his orgasm with Levi still thrusting against him.

  It didn’t take Levi long to follow Eren, those erotic noises coming from Eren’s lips, and that beautiful face he made as boundless pleasure took him was enough to throw him over the edge. He thrust against Eren a little more until he was spent, before collapsing on top of him, and they both panted as if they were starved for air.

  Eren’s arms came to wrap around Levi as his breathing slowed, and he smiled up at him after he pulled his head back and looked down into hazy green eyes. They stayed that way for moment, before Levi kissed Eren again, slow and leisurely, his tongue dipping into Eren’s mouth, savoring those little hums and whimpers he made.  

  The loss of warmth caused a small whine to come from Eren as Levi rolled off him, but it was quickly replaced with a satisfied, ‘mmm’ when the younger man felt warm arms around him and his chest pulled to Levi’s side, head coming to rest against his shoulder.

  “We’re messy,” Levi said, as his fingers came up to card through Eren’s now messier hair.

  “Sticky,” Eren said softly. “And I’m sweaty.”

  Levi shifted, grabbing a towel off his nightstand, before wiping it over Eren, then himself, and tossing it on the floor. “Better, but I still think we’re going to need a bath.”

  “I’m surprised you’d do that,” Eren said with a small smile.

  “Do what?” Levi asked.

  “Throw that on the floor,” Eren said before entwining his fingers with Levi’s. “It’s not like you.”

  “I guess not, but I don’t want to move.”

  Eren laughed.

  “Do you feel better?” Levi asked.

  “I do.”

  “You know, you can kiss me whenever you want,” Levi said, brushing the backs of his fingers over Eren’s cheek.

  “Really?” Eren asked.

  “Yes, Eren,” Levi sighed.

  Eren smiled, leaned over and pressed his lips against Levi’s, tasting the salt from the sweat that had inevitably ended up there during their love making.

  “See, that wasn’t hard,” Levi breathed.

  They lay there quiet, listening to the rain on the windows, Levi still stroking Eren’s cheek, Eren running his fingers over Levi’s stomach, it feeling completely natural… finally.

  “Levi?” Eren asked, breaking the silence.

  “Hmm?”

  “Remember how earlier you said you felt like one part of your life was closing and another part was opening?”

  “Yes.”

  “I feel like that too.”

  “Good,” Levi whispered. “I wasn’t only talking about the military when I said that.”

  Eren smiled and buried his face in Levi’s neck. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day! <3 
> 
> I'm giving this a break for tomorrow, but I think I'm going to write a nice smutty feelsy one-shot for the holiday. 
> 
> This is my favorite chapter so far. I wanted to get Eren's perspective of the night before, and what better way to do it?. I hope you all love it as much as me. Thanks for reading, and do feel free to let me know what you think. <3 <3 <3


	12. Chapter 12

  The rains continued for three days straight, hampering their ability to work on the house, yet afforded Eren and Levi opportunities to look at apartments. Quick trips out into the elements between almost relentless showers, resulting in a few instances of them arriving home soaked to the bone. And although it had shifted their plans, neither of the men would complain.

  Those days had given them time for simply talking, quiet dinners, and warm evenings spent alone with each other where they’d lay naked together under blankets cuddling after heated stretches of intimacy. Eren, for his part, was finding himself more comfortable with the newness of their relationship right after those times when they were physical, it being easier for him to touch Levi or say more amorous things than he could when they were doing more mundane activities.

  Their relationship was changing, but much was the same, some parts deepening, while new parts were blossoming. They hadn’t had actual sex yet, Levi finding Eren still had that somewhat innocent fragility to him that fueled his nervousness –though he was getting much better. And Eren was grateful for Levi not attempting it just yet. They hadn’t discussed it, Levi having the foresight to know that Eren wasn’t ready just yet, and Eren finding himself still too bashful to broach the subject.

  The next three days after the rains had been spent at the site of the house, where to their delight, they had framed out the rest of the outer walls and most of the roof with the help of Eren’s normally unused 3DMG. It was where they found themselves on this day; the final day of this particular trip, in the midst of deciding whether they should stay for one more night and depart in the morning, or leave before the sun went completely down.

  “We _could_ just stay here. It’s a full moon tonight, and it will be the last night we can sleep _in_ the house and still see the sky,” Eren suggested. It would take extra time to get back to town with the muddiness of the roads, and he couldn’t give up the one last night they had to sleep there like that.

  “It’s too bad we couldn’t put a window in the ceiling of your bedroom, Eren.” Levi joked. The idea was so absurd, but he could imagine the two of them lying in Eren’s bed, looking up through a glass roof, staring at the stars as they fell asleep.

  “Why couldn’t we?” Eren asked.

  “I don’t know. I suppose we’d just need to cut a hole for it, and put it in like any other window.” The idea was no longer seeming that foolish the more Levi thought about it. “We wouldn’t be able to do it ourselves, though. Maybe Hanji could come up with a way to get it up there carefully, and we’d probably need some extra hands.”

  “She did want to come see the house. I’ll ask her, maybe Jean could help too,” Eren suggested.

  “Jean will tease you, you know.”

  “Jean always starts with me, it’s nothing new,” Eren said.

  “Yeah, but he’ll tease you about us,” Levi said softly, stepping closer to Eren, hand coming up to skim lightly over his jaw. “I don’t want you to keep me a secret.”

  “I don’t want to keep you a secret either,” Eren assured Levi. “But we haven’t seen anybody yet. That’s the only reason they don’t know.”

  “Hanji might have told them,” Levi pointed out.

  “I sort of hope she did. I don’t feel like making some kind of announcement or something like that, and answering a lot of questions.”

  “Hanji said they all already suspected, anyway,” Levi revealed.

  “When did you talk to Hanji about us?” Eren sat down next to the fire they had left from dinner, getting himself comfortable for the evening.

  “The day I received that letter from the Capital, when I told her I was quitting.” Levi realized he was close to getting caught out, and he wasn’t sure whether he had said too much or not.

  “Oh. You were talking about us to Hanji?” Eren asked, then poked the fire a bit. Levi wasn’t answering him, but came to sit beside him, and a sudden realization hit Eren. “Did you stay because of me?”

  Levi remained quiet for a few moments, and pressed his knee against Eren’s as usual. He wasn’t sure how Eren was going to react, he could be excited and happy, or… depending on his current mood, he could feel guilty. Either way, Levi had backed himself into a corner, there wasn’t any escape from answering him now, and he wasn’t going to lie. “Yes.”

  Eren looked at Levi in disbelief, a jumble of emotions washing over him. He was happy, surprised, confused, and felt slightly guilty as well. He knew Levi _liked_ him, and as much more than a friend, but he didn’t realize it was deep enough that he would give up a promotion to be with him. “I don’t know what to say…”

  It occurred to Levi for a moment that Eren was upset with him. “Are you mad?”

  “No, no. I just didn’t realize… really, for _me_?”

  Levi laughed slightly. “Yeah, for you. I know we weren’t like we are now, but I still couldn’t leave.”

  “And you don’t care? That was a promotion, Levi.”

  “I don’t. I’d rather be with you. I didn’t even have to think about it. She told me I had to go, and I told her that I quit.” Levi turned his head and looked at Eren, a silence hanging between them as they just gazed at each other. Then a surprised gasp escaped his lips when the younger man moved towards him, grasped the hair at the back of his head, and pulled him towards him before capturing his lips.

  Eren hadn’t felt this brazen before, but after what Levi had just revealed, a warmth and some currently unnamable emotion rose in him, and he felt like his chest was going to burst. He leaned back, pulling Levi down on top of him, and gripped him like he was a life-line as he practically ravaged his mouth.

  Levi was still in shock, but kissed Eren back with equal enthusiasm, hands sliding hard up and down Eren’s sides before they settled on his hips, his fingers digging in as he squeezed them. Eren had never been like this with him before. He was still rather timid, gifting him with a gentle touch here and there, or occasionally grabbing his hand and giving him a tender kiss. This was surprising, but he couldn’t deny he liked it. He liked it a lot.

  It took a while for them to relax, Levi coming to slowly run his fingers through Eren’s long messy locks as his tongue dipped lazily into his lover’s mouth, and Eren drawing soft light circles across Levi’s back, his frantic hands calming, before they parted and Eren felt Levi whisper against his neck. “I take it you’re not upset about my decision or why I made it, then.”

  Eren nodded, rubbing his lips lightly over Levi’s neck. “No, never.”

  It wasn’t something to be mad about, but Eren was so stunned that Levi would do such a thing. It was an odd feeling knowing that someone cared that much about him in _this_ fashion that they would give up something like a promotion just to be with him. And for Levi to do so before they had officially established a relationship… for all Levi knew, Eren could have rejected his advances. As he contemplated it more, he was noticing now, when he thought back, that Levi had been making those advances towards him for a very long time. He also was coming to realize that his ‘crush’ on Levi had existed long before he recognized it. He now knew, it had begun years before.

  Kissing went to caressing and whispered words before Levi finally, with regret, rolled off of Eren to set more logs on the fire. It was getting colder now, most of the leaves having fallen from the trees. The nights had more of a bite to them, so their heated kiss was followed with sitting by the fire for warmth, cuddling and having tea.

  When they were finished for the night, Eren set their cups aside, before they climbed into their sleeping bags and Levi pulled the younger man over to him, then pressed his head against Eren’s chest. They looked up through the still unfinished portion of the roof, taking in the stars and the bright full moon. This was something that would have been dangerous during the war; laying out in the elements and sleeping out under the stars. It was luxury they hadn’t taken the time to appreciate after the war until recently. Their world was different now, and allowed them to fall asleep under the darkness of the night without a worry in the world.

  That was until sometime in the night, when Levi was awoken by Eren shifting. At first, he snuggled closer next to him to fall back to sleep, but when the younger man thrashed slightly and almost growled in his sleep Levi leaned over him, watching him closely, certain he was having a nightmare.

  Levi had noticed Eren have nightmares before, back during the war when they would have to hold up in a stronghold, or stay in a supply depot overnight. There was also that occasion after they had sealed Wall Maria, when Eren and Mikasa had been locked in the dungeon for what should have been ten days. That time stuck out in his mind more, having been a time near when he had first considered the possibility that his feelings for Eren were changing –though at the time, Levi was still unsure as to how, exactly. He had been making a late-night sweep, which he found completely unnecessary. Nonetheless, when he did, he found Mikasa soundly asleep in her cell, and Eren whimpering in his bed, covered in sweat, and clearly distressed.

  Something in him that day had cracked, and he had found himself with an urge to unlock the cell door and go check on him. At that time, he had held back, being slightly confused over the newer feelings that seemed to be bubbling under the surface, and Mikasa was near, as well. He hadn’t worried much about it then, though it was an incident that had been committed to his memory.

  Of course, it wasn’t odd for any of them to have nightmares, and although he never spoke of it, he had them as well, and assumed everyone else did too. It was just part of the situation they had all been in, and the fact that he had been so concerned about Eren in particular --though not clear to him then, was clear to him now when he recollected it.

  Other than the last two nights they had spent at the building site, and the handful of times before that, when they had slept there, Levi hadn’t been near a sleeping Eren in a couple years, and he wondered now if this was a normal occurrence for him or not. As much as he had wanted Eren to stay the night at his apartment, he hadn’t pushed the issue at all. Each night Eren had taken his leave of him, nearing midnight, and Levi hadn’t tried to make him stay, knowing he was still getting used to their new relationship.

  Perhaps he would ask Eren to sleep there for a night once they returned to town, he thought, before he was drawn from his reverie when he heard Eren groan again, a distressed keen punctuating it. And if his expression was anything to go by, the nightmare was getting worse.

  He moved closer, cursing himself for not thinking to snap the two sleeping bags together, and instead just cuddling against each other in their own separate ones. That stupid fabric separating them felt so damn thick now, like a wall between them and he wanted it fucking gone. Not wanting to rearrange everything and wake Eren, he swore under his breath at the bedding, and pushed himself right up against Eren as best he could, pressing his legs, hips and stomach against him, then leaned over, studying his face for signs of distress.

  His hand hovered apprehensively over Eren’s shoulder, then over his cheek, before it came to hover back over his shoulder again, a feeling of helplessness assaulting him. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to wake him up, but to startle him… the possibility of doing so made it seem like a bad idea.

  Levi was aware of what being startled awake did to him, and if it was the same for Eren, he didn’t want to put him through that. Perhaps Eren just had the nightmares and didn’t remember them. If he awoke him, he’d recall it, and have to deal with whatever it was that was happening in it.

  He sighed and just watched him, long minutes ticking by while he contemplated what action to take as Eren’s face contorted occasionally, and he heard pained sounding whimpers coming from his lips. When he trashed again, and it didn’t seem to be subsiding, Levi couldn’t watch anymore. He didn’t know if he was making the right decision, but decided to wake him up. If Eren was pissed about it, at least he would know for future reference and he would never do it again.

  He wanted to just kiss him awake or nuzzle his face against Eren’s neck, but he knew that he himself had a tendency to occasionally lash out violently when he was awakened from a nightmare, and he didn’t know if Eren did as well. He loved him, but he didn’t really want to get punched in the face or kicked if it was avoidable. He could easily take it, but more than anything, Eren would feel bad about it, and he didn’t want that either.

  Levi pulled back a little bit, and sat up, then nudged Eren gently on his arm, and called his name. “Eren?”

  When he only groused, Levi grabbed his arm and shook him gently. “Eren?”

  It took a moment of some whimpering, and that pained expression again, but he seemed to be stirring, and for a final time Levi attempted to rouse him. “Eren, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.”

  Eren grumbled sleepily, then green eyes fluttered open, and he rubbed them wearily, before looking at Levi who was now lingering worriedly over him.

  “I think you were having a nightmare,” Levi whispered.

  He still seemed sleepy, and it took a moment for him to process what Levi was saying, but he finally turned toward the older man, his fingers splaying over his arm. “Yeah. I was. I have them sometimes.”

  “I didn’t know if I should wake you up or not, but it seemed bad.”

  Eren shifted again, pushing his forehead against Levi’s chest, those arms coming to wrap around him, tugging him closer. Levi wasn’t sure if Eren wanted to talk about it or just go back to sleep, but he didn’t want to push him. There was also the issue of Levi thinking he was just plain awful at providing comfort to those in distress.

  Eren was quiet again after he settled, he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Levi about it, but after a few minutes he supposed it was better to just put it all out in the open. He hoped they’d be sharing a bed more often in the future, and if this was going to happen frequently, he thought Levi should know what was bothering him.

  “It’s this dream I always have.” He rubbed his eyes again before picking at a leaf that was stuck to Levi’s sleeping bag, avoiding looking up at him. “They started after the war.”

  Levi wasn’t sure what to do, and he started to play with Eren’s hair out of nervousness and a need to comfort him. He didn’t know if he should just wait for Eren to volunteer it, or if he should ask, and he chided himself again for not being good at this shit before deciding he’d give Eren an option. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  Eren took a deep breath, and flicked the leaf he had been playing with off somewhere behind Levi. “It’s stupid, really.”

  “I’m sure it’s not.”

  “I have this dream that I shift into a titan, and then I can’t get out. I just get stuck in there forever.” He had run into the fray, risking his life more times than he could count on vast battlefields drenched in blood, and he had never hesitated, he had been able to set aside all his fear in those moments, yet a dream, an unrelenting, albeit unreal nightmare had him almost paralyzed.

  Levi hadn’t thought it was that. He figured he was reliving the war, or finding pieces of dead friends, but not this. He grappled trying to think of something to say. He was good at pointing out the obvious, and sometimes that did make people feel better, but telling Eren he wasn’t going to shift and get stuck wasn’t going to do anything to alleviate his suffering or the fear he felt during the nightmare.

  “I’d cut you out.” It wasn’t great, but it _might_ bring some levity to the conversation, and it was the best he had. And he _had_ tried really hard.

  Eren laughed at that, if only just a bit. “I know you would, and I know it wouldn’t happen, but it doesn’t stop the dream.”

  “I don’t know if anything ever will,” Levi said, then instantly regretted it. Eren didn’t need blatant honesty, he needed him to say something soothing.

  “Probably not, but I hate it, and I hate having to shift, and the more I hate it, the more I have that dream.”

  And Levi was _hating_ the idea of Eren having to still shift more and more with every passing day. It was wearing on Eren, and he suspected it was causing a sizable portion of that depression he had a tendency to slip into. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he had to find a way to stop this. Find a way that Eren wouldn’t have to do this anymore. He had promised him he wouldn’t say anything to anyone about it, but perhaps if he worked on Eren about it, he’d eventually allow him to find a solution. “You shouldn’t have to keep doing it.”

  “I don’t want to, but it’s what I signed up for when I reenlisted. I knew it was what I was going to have to do,” Eren explained.

  Levi heard him sniff, watched him rub his arm across his eyes, and he pulled him tighter to him.

  “I’m not going to cry about it, Levi.”

  “I don’t care if you cry,” Levi said softly.

  “I know, but I’m not going to. I’m fine now really, I just want to go back to sleep.”

  “Are you sure?” Levi asked as he shifted so he could look at Eren.

  “Yeah, I’m alright now. I’m glad you woke me up.” He skimmed his lips over Levi’s, feather-light before pressing a chaste kiss against them.

  “Alright, then.” Levi tried to throw his leg over him, pull him closer, wrap himself all around Eren, but those damned sleeping bags were in the way. He huffed before gently coaxing Eren away from him, unsnapped his sleeping bag in two strong pulls, and opened it out onto the ground. “This is stupid. I’m not sleeping with these fucking bags between us. I can’t touch you enough.”

  Eren smiled when Levi knelt next to him, unsnapped his bedding, then pulled him over next to him and threw his bag over the both of them.

  “This is better,” Eren said as Levi pulled him close and wrapped himself around him. “I don’t know why we didn’t do that earlier.”

  Levi smiled now. “Because we’re fucking idiots, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waves* :D
> 
> I had a bit of trouble not throwing them in bed together in this chapter, but I wanted to pull them back from the super sexy times a little bit in this chapter while their relationship grows some more. It makes sense to me since the point of the story is them building a relationship AND fluffy smut. And poor Eren. :(
> 
> I'll probably start going back and forth with updates between this and Not Only the Ocean, since I had to go and start another fic and I'm having too much fun with it. ;p
> 
> I hope you liked it, and thank you for reading. And of course, feel free to let me know what you think. <3 <3 <3


	13. Chapter 13

  The rains began again that morning as Levi and Eren readied themselves to leave the site of the house, soaking them through before they even made it back to town. When they arrived, they unloaded their supplies, running through the downpour into the apartment building and dodging puddles, before Levi left a shivering wet Eren with a kiss and departed to return the cart to the military warehouse.

  Eren initially thought it was a bad idea considering the older man’s new status with said military, but he assured him everything would be fine, and Eren had relented, Levi insisting he had more free time today than Eren.

  It felt peculiar now, being alone after all those days with Levi, but he had a lunch engagement with Armin, Levi had a promising apartment to look at, and Eren supposed he needed to get used to this. They were together, seeing each other, but they still had separate lives, and although Eren had time off now, he’d be off leave in two weeks and back to working on the weekdays. That meant not getting too comfortable being with Levi everyday practically around the clock, not that he didn’t plan on going right over to the older man’s apartment every evening after he got home.

  Although he missed Levi’s company currently, he was both excited to see Armin, and anxious about it as well. Eren wasn’t sure if anyone knew about he and Levi yet, and he wasn’t sure what --if anything, Hanji had told their friends. If Armin suspected or Hanji had said something, he surely would have questions. There was also the fact that he _wanted_ to tell Armin, and share this wonderful thing that was going on his life with one of his best friends. He just wasn’t certain how to broach the subject.

  After showering and dressing, he was grateful for finally being clean and dry. Three days with only a cold stream to wash up in, and then the rains and the mud on the way home hadn’t left him feeling particularly good, in fact he was feeling downright tired still. Tired but clean, though, which was better than tired and dirty.

  Regardless of his fatigue, he finished preparing to leave, and as had become customary since the day after Levi had first kissed him, Eren looked in the mirror and messed his hair up a little bit more, a smile twitching at his lips when he thought about how much Levi seemed to like it, then left his apartment, thankful the rains had temporarily ceased, and walked to the nearby restaurant.

  He sighed to himself, knowing he was early, but he was getting too antsy when he had been home, alone in his apartment. His thoughts bouncing wildly between Levi and telling Armin _about_ Levi, then to what he and Levi would do later on, or if he would like the apartment he went to see or not. That notion left him with the familiar inner conflict again.

  The idea of Levi not being right next door… it seemed so odd now, and he pondered how he hadn’t considered this when he decided to build the house. Since the war, they had spent much of their extra time together, the weekend breakfasts, stopping over at each other’s apartments to have tea, their walks home from dinner. Those dinner walks had changed in the last week since they didn’t go to the dining hall anymore, and Eren thought maybe it would continue after he was done with leave. He missed his friends, but without Levi there with them, it felt… wrong. He was torn, not wanting to ignore his friends, but the idea of leaving Levi to eat dinner alone all by himself didn’t feel ‘right’, either. And when he reflected on it, spending time with Levi seemed more desirable. He could still go out with his friends, and meet them for dinner at places he could bring Levi to as well.

  They could easily meet a couple times a week at a place like the café he was now sitting in. It wasn’t terribly expensive, and they had better food than the dining hall, anyway. Meat Fridays could be done there, he supposed. At least at a cafe, there weren’t the younger military members who had a tendency to become rowdy.

  He also thought of the possibility of having weekly dinners at his house when it was finished, already considering various dishes as he waited.

  When Armin arrived, it was just in time to avoid the rains that had begun again, and Eren was happy he was a little earlier than anticipated as he spotted him walking in, smiling at him. It felt like he hadn’t seen him in months, and he scolded himself briefly for not being very social lately, before standing up and giving him a hug.

  “I ordered us some tea.”

  Armin sat down across from him, rubbing his hands together to warm them, still smiling broadly at Eren. “Really rainy this year, huh?”

  “I think we’re in for a bad winter.”

  “Do you think you’re going to be able to get the house done in time?” Armin asked, that usual hint of disapproving concern not present this time.

  “I think we’ll get it done. It’s going to be close, but as long as we have the outside weather-proof, we’ll be able to take our time with the inside.”

  “Good, good.”

  This was a little surprising to Eren, Armin had never seemed this enthusiastic about the house before. He wasn’t sure if he had genuinely changed his mind about it or if he was just making small talk, and he had given him mixed signals about it before, in the past. “So, are you really alright with the house now?”

  “If you really think it’s going to make you happy, I’m fine with it. I just don’t want you using it to run away, Eren.” His eyes scanned Eren for a moment, before they were distracted by the waitress delivering their pot of tea.

  “I’m not trying to run away,” Eren countered, a little resentful at the suggestion, regardless that he knew it had been partly true when he started the house. “I told you before, I just need something that’s mine, and it feels like not being in the walls out there.”

  “As long as you’re sure Eren,” Armin sipped his tea, still watching Eren carefully. “You’ve haven’t been around town much lately. Not since Levi quit, that is.”

  “Oh, you heard about that?” Eren asked.

  “Hanji told us. That was quite a promotion to turn down.” There was a suggestion there, and it hovered, silently, palpable for a moment before Armin continued. “We were all wondering where you two were.”

  Eren shifted nervously, the conversation was going to move further into the subject of Levi, and Eren was going to have to tell him. Only, he wasn’t sure how to say it. He didn’t understand why it made him so nervous, but it did, and he could tell Armin was watching him _very_ carefully after the mention of Levi. “Well… we went out to dinner the day it happened, and then I was spending time with him afterwards since I’m on leave. We also were out working on the house.”

  Armin smiled at that. “You and Levi have always spent a lot of time together.”

  “That’s true.” Eren wet his lips nervously, feeling his cheeks heating up, and he looked everywhere but at Armin. “About Levi…”

  “What about him?”

   “He and I… we’re seeing each other now.”

  Armin laughed, his hand coming over his mouth. “That took a long time, you two are such idiots.”

  “Hey!”

  “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Eren. It’s just you two have seemed like a _thing_ \-- like a couple for a really long time. _Really_ long. Even during the war. We were all wondering when you two would finally _be_ a couple instead of just acting like one.”

  Eren was relieved, Armin seemed happy, at least non-critical, but he still wanted some confirmation that Armin agreed that this was a good thing. “It happened recently, but I’m happy, and I think I make him happy, too.”

  “You both have always made each other happy, that much is obvious. I’m glad you both finally admitted it.” Armin took another sip of tea before clearing his throat and leaning forward a bit. “I knew eventually it would happen. Now, Jean on the other hand, he was convinced you two would end up single old men, sharing an apartment, just pining for each other and drinking tea.”

  Eren hadn’t realized how obvious they were, nor how much his friends had discussed his --at the time, non-existent relationship with Levi. He had only begun to comprehend less than a month before that he had a crush on him, and it was even more recently that he understood it had existed for a very long time before that. He almost felt stupid, now. “I didn’t know we were such an interesting topic.”

  “It’s not like that, Eren. It’s just, we could see it between you both, and it never happened. It would seem as if it was going to happen, then it wouldn’t… and with the troubles you’ve had sometimes since the war, we all wanted you to be happy. The both of you.”

  “I suppose.” Eren wasn’t attempting to make Armin feel bad, and he felt a touch of guilt as his friend appeared to deflate slightly.

  “Speaking of Levi, where is he?” Armin asked.

  “Looking at an apartment.” That gnawed at Eren again, a panicked flutter stirring in his chest. “He can’t stay in the building we’re in now. It’s for the military.”

  “Ah. I forgot about that.” Armin leaned forward again. “Did this relationship start before or after he quit? If you don’t mind me asking.”

  Eren wasn’t sure where Armin was going with this. “I guess the same day, but he didn’t technically give his resignation until the next day.”

  “Did he stay for you?”

  “Yeah,” Eren whispered. “But I didn’t ask him to.”

  “I’m not asking because I thought anything like that, but it makes me glad that was the reason. It means this seems to be a long-term relationship. No one would do that for someone who they only casually had an interest in.”

  “Yeah. I guess.” Eren hadn’t considered that. He didn’t feel like their relationship was casual, but he hadn’t had the time to consider what it meant because it was still so new. And he wondered if this signified that Levi could possibly want to be with him for the rest of their lives, or something that permanent. The idea that someone could _love_ him in that fashion was too hard for him to grasp given what he was, and as much as Levi seemed to deeply care for him or maybe even love him, he hadn’t said it to him yet.

  He was being silly, though, he thought. Creating imaginary problems, perhaps. They had been together for a week, that was early to say something that intimate, that permanent and weighty. It carried something with it; an expectation much deeper than dinners together, and fooling around. It was frightening, and Eren couldn’t even picture himself saying it, making himself that vulnerable. What if he did love Levi, and he said it, and Levi didn’t say it back? It would destroy him.

  Startled by Armin attempting to get his attention, he quickly left that quandary behind, staring between Armin and the woman standing at their table, paper and pencil in hand.

  “Oi Eren, the waitress wants your order.”

  “Oh! Oh, rabbit stew, please.” He laughed awkwardly as she took it down.

  “Thinking of Levi?” Armin asked teasingly.

  Eren knew he was blushing. “A little.”

  Backing off after getting a sense of Eren’s discomfort, Armin changed the subject, and their lunch continued with more casual conversation, less personal than the questions about Levi, and swung back around to discussion of the house, as Eren told Armin about the window on the roof idea. The blonde offered to help figure out the best way to get it up there, convinced that between he and Hanji they could pull off some sort ingenious method of getting it on the roof and installed.

  As they ate lunch, Eren found himself settling back into the tranquility they had shared between them for years. The awkwardness that had touched him earlier dissipating as well, he and Armin laughing and joking as they always did, sliding back into the comfort of warm familiarity.

  The afternoon was going well, and once they were halfway through dessert, Eren heard the bell on the door ring, and looked up to see Levi walking towards them. His heart beat madly in his chest, and he wondered if it would always be like this after a several hours of not seeing Levi. The older man came to stand by the table next to Eren, and the shifter couldn’t pull his eyes from him, even when Armin offered a, “Hey Levi.”

  A question hung in the air, silent between them as Levi held his gaze, and Eren knew he was wondering if he had told Armin about them. He nodded quickly in confirmation, before Levi leaned down and placed a quick, yet gentle kiss against his lips and sat down.

  “That’s so sweet.” Armin said, smiling.

  Eren kicked his chair, his cheeks turning a fiery red.

  “But it is.”

  Levi watched in amusement as Eren kicked Armin’s chair again, the blonde feigning offense, and waited for them to settle. “Anyway, I was on my way back from the apartment and saw you two in here. I hope you don’t mind?”

  “Of course, not,” Armin answered. “How was the place? Promising?”

  “It looks good, and actually has a separate bedroom. Better yet, it’s closer to the city gate, so it won’t take as long to get to Eren’s once he moves.” He took Eren’s hand, squeezing it lightly, stopping himself from smirking at the blush still on his cheeks. “I think I’ll go back tomorrow and finalize it. I can move in three weeks if I want it.”

  Had they been alone, Eren was sure he would have told Levi how much the idea of him moving was grating on him, but he couldn’t. Not in front of Armin. It was petty, and it wasn’t going to change their relationship, but he was dreading it, and he stuffed a bite of his pie in his mouth in some attempt at distracting himself, and Levi. The man had a tendency to know anytime something was bothering him, and he didn’t want him to ask him about it here.

  It wasn’t a bad thing, and Eren knew that, but it was troublesome if he wanted to keep something to himself. He stuck his fork back in the pie, taking up another bite and pushing it toward Levi’s face. “You want some?”

  The man had something of a sweet tooth, and Eren was learning quickly that he could easily distract him with treats.

  “It’s apple pie. What do you think?”

  Eren fed him the bite, and slid the plate toward him. “You can finish it. I’m full, and it’s so sweet, it’s making my throat tickle.”

  Levi wasn’t going to argue with him, not over apple pie.

  When they finished, Eren paid for lunch, still feeling like a slight asshole for his recent disappearing act, then they said their goodbyes, and left. For the first time when they were outside, Levi took Eren’s hand when they were on the sidewalk and heading back to their building, their relationship no longer a secret. Thankfully the rains had stopped again, but it was cold, and Eren managed two sneezing fits before they made it back to Levi’s apartment.

  Ever mindful of Eren, Levi built a small fire in the hearth so he could warm up, and brewed a pot of tea, before coming to sit on the small sofa in front of the fireplace next to him, leaning his head against the younger man’s shoulder. Eren liked that. Usually he was the one leaning on Levi or on the receiving end of cuddles, but it was nice to be the one Levi was leaning against right now. It was something new for them, and Eren moved his arm up around Levi’s shoulders and toyed with his hair a little, tentatively running the tips of his fingers through it.

  “You know, I’m not going to bite you, Eren.”

  “I know.” Eren sighed, smiling. “I’m still getting used to this.”

  “You’re precious.” Levi moved his hand, lacing his fingers with Eren’s.

  “I’m going to miss you being so close when you move.”

  Sliding his head down until it was cradled in Eren’s lap, Levi looked up at Eren, reached out, and moved his fingers up to toy with the locks around his face. “It won’t be that different than now, and you were going to be moving to the house anyway. We wouldn’t be next door then, either.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t think about it before,” Eren whispered, feeling foolish.

  “You don’t have to go home every night.”

  “No?”

  “Do you want to stay here tonight?” Levi's fingers trailed down over Eren’s cheek, his thumb settling against his chin.

  “ _Sleep_ here, you mean?”

  “Yeah, _sleep_.” Levi said, worried he was sounding too pushy. “I didn’t mean we have to… have sex, but it would be nice to sleep with you in a warm clean bed, and not huddled under scratchy dirty sleeping bags.”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

  “We haven’t done that yet. We can just cuddle if you want.”

  Eren laughed. “I didn’t mean we couldn’t do more than cuddle, but I didn’t know if you were suggesting something else.”

  “Only when you want to. We don’t have to do that tonight.”

  Eren leaned forward, and pressed his lips to Levi’s, deepening the kiss a little before he pulled away. “I’m nervous about that, but soon… I think.”

  “When you’re ready,” Levi said, interrupted by another of Eren’s sneezing fits.

  “I’m sorry,” Eren apologized, his hands covering his face. “Did I sneeze on you?”

  “No,” Levi said as he sat up, pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Eren. “Do you feel alright?”

  “I feel fine. Something is just bothering my nose, I think.”

  “Are you sure?” Levi's hand went to Eren’s forehead. “You don’t feel hot.”

  “I told you, I feel fine.” Eren groused. “Do you want me to stay at my own house tonight? If you’re worried I’m getting sick, then you’re probably worried I could get you sick, too.”

  “No. I want you to stay here.” Maybe years from now he would keep a bit of distance from a sick Eren, but not now, not when this was the beginning. “You just kissed me anyway, and I wouldn’t send you off to take care of yourself even if you were sick.”

  “I’m not sick.”

  “Alright. But what if you are getting sick? We’ve been out in the bad weather a lot the past week.”

  “I am not getting sick, Levi. Stop fussing.”

  Levi laughed, not taking Eren’s complaining to heart. “I can’t help it, but I’ll stop. If you start feeling sick, tell me, though.”

  “I will,” he said. “You worry too much.”

  “Only about you, Brat.”

  “I’m twenty, I’m not a brat anymore,” Eren pouted.

  Taking Eren’s chin between his thumb and fingers, Levi moved his mouth up to the younger man’s ear. “You’ll _always_ be my brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, it's hovering overly concerned Levi!
> 
> Thanks for reading. <3 <3 <3


	14. Chapter 14

  He hadn’t opened his eyes, lids still shut against the early morning din of the room. It was too soon for that yet, and Levi wanted to fill all his other senses with his lover before he’d finally open his eyes and look upon him. Eren was there, cradled in his arms, back pressed up against his torso, their legs tangled together. Levi could feel him, hear him breathing, smell him as he nuzzled his nose against the back of his neck, taste him when he pressed his lips there softly. His other senses gave him all the confirmation he needed to know that this was no dream, it was reality, it was tangible, and waking up beside Eren in this fashion, in his own bed, made this morning better than any other in his life.

  His arms tightened around the younger man more, he was warm, so warm, and Levi was sure he could get used to awakening like this every morning until the end of his days.

  He didn’t want to rouse Eren, but he couldn’t help chancing a few flittering touches down his collar bone and over his chest, or breathing in that scent once again as he buried his nose against Eren’s shoulder. He was warm there too. In fact, he was warm everywhere, warm and sweaty.

  Levi opened his eyes sooner than planned, regretfully disentangling from Eren, and leaned up on his arm so he could peer over the younger man’s shoulder and look at his face. He was pale, his cheeks stained a deep shade of pink, the kind of blush that normally only _he_ caused to appear.

  His suspicions rose, and he felt his forehead. Eren was burning up. Regardless of what the younger man had said the night before, he _was_ getting sick, and Levi mentally kicked himself in the ass for not simply making Eren drink the medicinal tea he was going to offer him the night before.

  Eren had insisted he felt fine, and told him to stop fussing, but that tea surely would have eased any symptoms that would surface today. He wavered between allowing him to sleep since he’d awaken to feeling awful, or rousing him so he could get that tea into him. As much he disliked the idea of disrupting what appeared to be a peaceful sleep, he opted for the latter. He was going to intervene in the progress of whatever nasty bug Eren had picked up as quickly as possible.

  Unusual for him, he didn’t recoil from the possibility of the illness passing to him, pushed the damp hair off Eren’s forehead, and kissed him there. If he was going to catch whatever Eren had, he was going to catch it. He’d kissed him the day before more times than he could recall, and had shared a bed with him all night, he’d already been exposed. He continued stroking his face, calling to him softly, not wanting to startle him, and he wasn’t sure which was worse; waking him up from the nightmare or for this, but he didn’t like either, and he resolved he needed to make up for this when Eren was better with a pleasant reason to wake him up for once.

  “Eren?” Levi called again.

  The shifter stretched slightly, but his eyes didn’t open, and he only rolled over and buried in face in Levi’s chest.

  “Eren, are you awake?”

  There was a muffled little whine before he shook his head and pressed his face closer to Levi. “I don’t feel good.”

  “I thought so. You have a fever, you’re sick.”

  He was quiet and still for a movement, no more whining, no more smooshing his face against Levi, before the older man heard a whisper. “Do you want me to go home?”

  “No, of course not. I want to take care of you, Brat.” Eren’s insecurity was unsurprising to Levi, it was an issue he had been trying to work on in respect to the younger man since before the relationship had even began. “Though, I should probably go to your apartment and get you something clean to wear. Your pajamas are all sweaty.”

  Levi hated being sick, wouldn’t spend his time around a sick person other than Eren, but the bright side of the situation was that it was a good time to reinforce how much he cared for him. Perhaps it would be another step in helping Eren feel more assured of their relationship. The younger man had experienced so much hardship in his life, and Levi concluded it made sense that Eren felt like this would fall out from underneath his feet as well. It was only natural given the horror and disappointment that his younger years had been filled with.

  Looking down at Eren, Levi smoothed his hair away from his face again, and titled his chin up so he was looking at him. “You have to let me get out of bed so I can make you some tea, it will help. I should have made you drink it last night.”

  “I didn’t think I was getting sick.”

  “I know, but next time let me ‘fuss’.”

  “Fine,” Eren huffed, some of his usual self coming through for a moment as he relinquished his hold on Levi, and rolled over onto his back so he could get up.

  “I’ll change these sheets too, they’re kind of wet.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.”

  Levi extricated himself from the bed, his own pajamas were damp from Eren sweating all over him, and the cool air hitting him made him shiver as he walked over to the hearth to build the fire back up.

  “Are you cold?” Levi asked as he moved on to the kitchen and began shuffling around, getting the kettle ready, and lighting the stove.

  “I’m hot _and_ cold,” Eren answered.

  “You could probably use a cool bath. You feel very hot to the touch.” He glanced over at the bed from the kitchen, only able to see the top of Eren’s head and his eyes now. The covers were pulled over most of his face, and he had cocooned himself into the blankets and quilt.

  “No, I’ll freeze if I take a bath,” came a muffled response.

  “The bed will be nice and warm when you’re done. You’re too hot, you need to cool down.”

  “I’ve been so hot I’ve burned you before, Levi.”

  “Tch, that’s not the same thing, Eren.”

  “It’s not like it’s going to kill me.”

  Eren was being a brat, an _actual_ brat, and Levi supposed he was one of those people who got grouchy when they were sick. “You have no idea how your body reacts to being sick. Maybe Hanji should come look at you.”

  “No! I don’t want anyone seeing me like this.”

  “Then you’ll take a cool bath.” He hated bossing Eren around, but he was being unreasonable.

  “Alright, alright,” Eren relented before going into a sneezing fit, and Levi moved back over to the bed and handed him a handkerchief.

  “I think the tea will help with that.” 

  “I wish my shifting abilities healed this, then they’d still be good for something.”

  The bitterness in Eren’s voice didn’t go unnoticed by Levi. “Maybe they will. You never know.”

  “I don’t feel like I’m healing.”

  “Perhaps they don’t work like that on being sick.”

  “Probably not,” Eren huffed, and blew his nose again.

  Levi returned to the kitchen, prepared the tea for Eren, and added a spoonful of honey for his throat before coming to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. “You need to sit up.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Yes, if you don’t want to spill it all over yourself.” As difficult as Eren was being, there was something endearing about it, and Levi wasn’t bothered by his grumbling. He wasn’t sure how he’d feel if this lasted more than a couple days, but for now, Eren’s grumpiness was sort of cute.

  Sitting up at Levi’s urging Eren, leaned against the pillow, took the cup and inhaled the steam rising from it as best he could through his stuffy nose. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For being a brat.”

  “It’s alright, just keep a handle on it or I might have to assign you chores when you’re better.”

  “Don’t you have to go take care of your new apartment today,” Eren asked.

  “I do, but I’m going to get you settled in first, and I was just thinking, I could get some things on the way home to make you some soup.”

  “You do make good soup.”

  “Just drink that. I’m going to go draw a bath, and get you clean pajamas.”

  “My key is in my pants pocket.”

  Eren was left with a kiss on his head, before he watched Levi disappear into the bathroom. He could hear the water splashing in the tub, and he shivered at the thought of how cold it was going to be, although… he wasn’t feeling especially comfortable in the bed anymore either. His muscles ached, head hurt, he was moving between feeling cold down to his bones, then flushing far too hotly, and most uncomfortable; he was clammy and wet, and his pajamas were sticking to him. In the end, he knew doing what Levi suggested would make him feel better, but it was getting out of the bed to the bathroom, then through that cold bath, and changing before he’d be back in bed that seemed at the moment insurmountable.

  He saw Levi dash past the bed, searching in the pocket of his discarded trousers, before he left the apartment in his still damp pajamas to go retrieve his clothes. Eren was so grateful for him, he hadn’t imagined ever having someone to take care of him like this. Of course, he had many people who cared for him deeply, took care of him so many times in the past, but this was entirely different because it stemmed from a different kind of affection, one he never dreamed he’d be blessed with experiencing.

  Levi hadn’t appeared to think of himself at all since he had woken him, instead getting right out of bed, and doing everything he could to make him feel better. The tea was working, too, at the very least it was lightening his mood, and his throat didn’t feel as scratchy anymore either.

  It was making him warmer now, though, and the bath was beginning to sound more attractive, he thought as he willed himself to sit up more, and slid over to the edge of the bed. He hated being sick, absolutely loathed it, and hadn’t experienced it since he was a child before the wall had been destroyed. He had assumed, incorrectly -he now knew, that his titan abilities prevented this sort of thing, and as much as he was tempted to wrap himself back up in the blankets and go to sleep, he decided he’d be cooperative.

  Levi was running around all over trying to relieve his discomfort, and not being a pain in his ass was the least he could do. When the older man returned, he set the fresh pajamas down on the table, and returned to the bathroom, before announcing it was ready.

  Eren braced himself as Levi came to stand in front of him, preparing for the inevitable whoosh of cold he would experience once the bedcovers were stolen away.

  “Come on,” Levi said as he uncovered him, and Eren sucked in a breath through his teeth at how terribly cold it was. “The room will warm up while we’re in the bath.”

  Once they were in the bathroom Levi peeled Eren’s clothes off, ignoring that full-bodied flush that was covering his skin, scolding himself internally for even thinking about it.

  “It’s freezing, Levi!”

  “You’ll be fine, now get in,” Levi scolded gently.

  At the firmness in Levi’s voice, Eren thought of saluting him, but decided not to be a smartass and cautiously dipped a toe in. It didn’t feel as bad as he thought it would, and he steeled himself, clenching his jaw before stepping in and plunking himself down into the lukewarm water. That had been more shocking than just his toe, and he pulled his knees to chest and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep from shivering.

  Looking up at Levi, he watched as he undressed, shocked when he slipped into the water behind him, and Eren knew this couldn’t be comfortable for him. It was tepid, cool and supposedly soothing to him because he was feverish, but it had to be torture for him.

  “Aren’t you cold?” Eren asked as Levi shivered and pulled him back to settle against his chest.

  “Doesn’t matter,” he whispered, ignoring the cold and splaying his hand across Eren’s chest, holding him gently to him. Hugging him for a moment while he adjusted to the polarity of the cold water and Eren’s too warm body against his.

  “Are you sure?” Eren asked.

  “I need a bath anyway.”

  There was no reason to dally, and Levi dipped a cloth into the water, beginning to run it over Eren’s shoulders, and the younger man sighed and closed his eyes. He had gone into mission mode by this point, a task had been laid before him, and it was what he was solely concentrating on. Different from missions of his past, but in the moment, it felt as important as any of the others had been.

  He felt Eren relax more, body going limp under his ministrations, and turned his head to look down at Eren’s face. His eyes were closed, and he looked peaceful, and Levi was glad for him giving in and allowing him to do this. There was a slight nagging in the back of his head, being they were naked in the tub together, but Eren didn’t need that kind of attention right now. There would be time for that when he had recovered.

  It hadn’t felt terribly helpful to Eren at first, but as he settled and allowed Levi to run water over him, that nagging heat began to abate, and his body hurt less. Levi had been correct, the bath did help, and a twinge of relief washed over him as the cool wet cloth was swiped gently over the sides of his neck. “Thanks.”

  Satisfied for the time being, Levi settled back more, trying to relax in the cold water as best he could, before trailing lazy strokes over Eren’s cheeks, then folding the cloth and laying it across his forehead.

  Eren could feel Levi’s hands running over his arms now, light affectionate touches to his aching body, and for half a moment he almost felt normal wrapped up in his arms. As sick as he was, Levi conveyed something more in those gentle strokes against his flushed skin, something nearly the same as when they were in bed together, but it teetered on the edge of an emotion Eren couldn’t quite identify. The tenderness in it was different, innocent and with a purity that was dissimilar to their usual contact. He despised being sick, but he enjoyed the feeling this left in its wake. It was, dare he say, _loving_. He had never been on the receiving end of that kind of love before, so he was unsure if he was correct, but he thought, perhaps his heart knew what it was.

  “Any better?” Levi asked, and Eren concentrated on the feeling of the thrum of Levi’s voice where he was pressed back against his chest.

  “Yeah,” he sighed, and Levi tightened his hold on him, squeezing him gently with his arms and legs.

  For a time, they had relaxed there as best either of them could, Levi freezing, but concentrating on the warmth of Eren against him, and Eren, glad for the reprieve from feeling as if he was going to catch on fire. As the water cooled, though, and his teeth began to chatter, Levi wrapped all around him wasn’t enough, and he could feel goose bumps rising not only on his own skin, but on Levi’s as well.

  There was only so far Eren’s limbs could retreat in against himself as it became too cold, and only so much he could press back against Levi before he was prodded forward by his self-professed nurse

  “I think we should get out, I don’t want you to get too cold.” Levi said, leaving them both to withstand the rush of cold as he departed the tub, and quickly wrapped a towel around his waist, then held one out for Eren. “Come on, we’ll get you dressed and back in bed.”

  Moving quicker than he thought possible in this state, Eren moved from the bath and into Levi’s waiting arms, a soft towel wrapping around him, before he was being whisked away out of the bathroom and Levi was drying him off, then handing him pajamas.

  “Thanks,” Eren said softly, feeling badly that Levi was still dripping wet and in a towel.

  “I’ll get the bed changed,” Levi said, going straight to work.

  When Eren was clothed again, he sat back in a chair by the hearth, watching as a towel clad Levi expertly secured the sheets around the mattress, folding and tucking the corners with an astonishing precision that almost made him laugh. “You know, you can get dressed first, Levi.”

  “I can get dress once you’re back in bed.”

  “Aren’t you cold?”

  “I’ve suffered worse, Eren,” Levi deadpanned, pulling out extra blankets from his wardrobe, and then lifted the top sheet on the bed, and beckoned Eren over. “Get in, it’s nice and crisp.”

  Eren complied, laid back, and let Levi cover him, then pile blankets on top of him, smoothing each one, so they wouldn’t be wrinkly, he surmised. Levi pulled everything up to his chin, and tucked the layers around him, coming to sit on the edge of the bed, hand reaching up to his cheek.

  “Warm now?” Levi asked.

  “Yeah. You were right,” Eren confessed.

  Using the opportunity while Eren was agreeable, Levi felt his cheeks and forehead again, he wasn’t nearly as hot as he was when he had awakened him, and the flush to his face had backed off of significantly. He could leave to do his errands, but still he worried. He knew Eren would be fine, it wasn’t matter of thinking he wouldn’t be, but he wasn’t fond of the idea of Eren suffering alone. Moving forward to brush his lips over his forehead, Levi whispered against them. “Are you sure you’re alright with me leaving?”

  “I’ll be fine, Mother Hen. I’m not dying.” As much as Levi’s concern was welcome, and he would have adored having him not leave, Eren knew he was good enough for him to go. Being doted on was lovely, and he enjoyed it, but he’d couldn’t abide binding Levi to his side the entire time he was sick.

  “If you’re sure.”

   Eren struggled to get free of the pile of blankets, but managed to grab Levi’s arm as he moved to get up. “You know, you didn’t have to do all of this.”

  “Eren, haven’t I always done what was needed when it comes to you?” There was a weight to that statement that they both understood.

  “Yeah,” Eren conceded.

  “Then why would I stop now?” Levi didn’t wait for an answer, only tucked him in more and moved to his wardrobe to get dressed. By the time he was finished and ready to leave, Eren was already asleep, and he checked him over once more, before hastily scribbling a note that he wouldn’t be gone long, and leaving a pile of handkerchiefs on the nightstand for him, then departed.

XxXxX

  When Eren awoke, it was to the sounds of Levi working in the kitchen, and the scent of what he thought was food. He cautiously sniffed again before he thought he caught a vague scent of chicken and sneezed.

   “You’re awake.”

  When Eren finally opened his eyes, he was greeted by the sight of an aproned Levi standing over him. “I think…”

  “Yeah, you’re awake.” Levi kneeled next to the side of the bed, feeling his forehead again, and narrowing his eyes at his cranky boyfriend, as he noticed Eren about to swat his hand away. “Not bad. I thought those blankets might have made your fever worse, but you aren’t as hot as this morning.”

  “I still feel just as bad.”

  “The soup will help. It’s chicken. It’s supposed to make you better.”

  “Yeah, my mom used to make chicken soup when I was sick,” Eren sighed quietly.

  There was that far off look in those eyes at the mention of his mother, and Levi saw it, knew that this still was, and always would be a sore spot for Eren. Of all the deaths he’d experienced, it was the one that hurt the most. Over the years there had been many conversations between them where Eren had spoken of her demise and the agony of losing her, some long, others simply brief mentions. Mostly at unexpected reminders or during those late night whispered conversations when it had been only the two of them. Levi had always listened, his experience of his own mother’s death, similarly painful when he reflected on the memories, but traumatic in a way that was so different.

  Words failed him, as they sometimes did when Eren was like this, and he dug through the blankets and took his hand, fingertips tracing over his upturned palm, conveying through touch what he couldn’t express with voice. There were no soft spoken platitudes that would ever heal that wound, he could only console him with this, and he looked up, their eyes meeting as he continued to stroke Eren’s hand, a hushed recognition communicated quietly between them.

  “I’m okay,” Eren whispered, breaking the spell. They didn’t need to speak for him to understand what Levi was saying, the assurance he had just given unnecessary as well, for Levi to know. He needed to say it more for himself than for Levi, the depth of that gaze between them heavy enough that had would have begun crying had he not ventured speech.  

  “You are.” He didn’t need to ask Eren if he was certain, knowing he didn’t want to delve farther into that feeling, and he wouldn’t do anything that would push him to. “Do you need anything?”

  “Yeah, I need to get out of this bed.” Pushing the bedding away, he stretched, grimacing slightly at the aches in his body. “How long have I been in here, anyway?”

  “Nearly six hours. You were still asleep when I returned, so I started cooking.”

  Glad Levi wasn’t forcing him to stay in the bed, as he suspected he might, Eren grabbed a blanket, pulled it around his shoulders and moved nearer to the hearth. “That feels better.”

  “Good, the soup’s done. You can see how that helps.”

  “I think I’m hungry.”

  Levi raised an eyebrow as he returned to the kitchen and began ladling soup into bowls. “Think?”

  “Yeah, I can’t tell.”

  “Try to eat it all, then,” Levi said as he came to sit with Eren and set the broth down in front of him. “I’m eating it too, in case I catch whatever it is you have. Preventive measures.”

  Eren allowed his head to hang over the bowl, inhaling the smell of it as best he could, it smelled sort of good from what he could tell, but it probably tasted better, or so he hoped. When he finally got a spoonful in his mouth he was surprised his stuffy nose wasn’t making it taste downright awful. It was good, really good, and he was sure he could eat an entire pot of it if he wasn’t sick. “This is delicious!”

  Levi smiled, one of those little smiles he only gave to Eren. “You think?”

  “Yeah,” he said between mouthfuls, and had a thought. “Levi?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I think you should open a restaurant. This soup is really good.”

  Levi laughed. “I don’t know if it’s that good.”

  “No, it really is, and you’ve always been great at cooking.”

  “Don’t you think you’re a little biased, Eren?”

  “No, I always thought you were a good cook.”

  “But you always liked me, too.” Levi smirked.

  Eren blushed at that, and almost choked on his mouthful of soup.

  “I knew it.” Levi had been waiting so long to say it.

  “Fine. Yes.” Eren crossed his arms at being found out. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a really good cook, though, and should open a restaurant.”

  Perhaps Eren’s suggestion wasn’t so absurd. He hadn’t been able to think of any type of business thus far, and he had been told by many people over the years that his cooking was indeed good. “We’d have to serve something other than just soup.”

  “Yeah, but you are good at making other things too. Think of all the dinners and breakfasts you’ve made me over the years.”

  “I don’t know if I’d want to do breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I’d never see you.”

  “And you’d never sleep.”

  “Maybe only breakfast on Sunday, and no dinner that night.”

  “That would be more manageable.”

  “I’ll look into it once you’ve recovered, and we’ll start making plans.”

  “So, I had a good idea?”

  “You always do, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated this chapter so much about seven hours ago, it was flailing madly between fluff, serious emotional crap, and horrible choppy writing. I almost trashed the entire thing, then realized it was probably a byproduct of my inconsistent writing music yesterday, and made a new writing playlist (thank you to The Psychedelic Furs and Echo & the Bunnymen). Usually domestic feelsy stuff is easy for me to write, but this one was a real pain in my ass.
> 
> So, I realized after finishing this, that this the third smutless chapter in a row, I'll probably remedy that in the next one after Eren's feeling better. ;p
> 
> Thanks for reading. Hope you guys like it better than I did earlier today. <3 <3 <3


	15. Chapter 15

  The shifter’s morning had consisted of getting behind and making himself later than he wanted. That, and grogginess. He’d tried unsuccessfully to tempt Levi into cuddling and going back to sleep, but the older man only admonished that they had things to do and given him a kiss. After that he proceeded to pull the covers off Eren, slip out of bed, make tea, bathe, dress, and bound out of his apartment on some mission to obtain breakfast, leaving Eren to slowly crawl out of the warmth of the covers and force his sleepy self to take a bath.

  He was tired. The flu he’d recuperated from a week prior still leaving him drained and requiring more sleep than what he was getting –less sleep than he needed, thanks in part to Levi. Still, there was work to do today. Hanji and the others were meeting them at the site of the house to assist in installing the window on the roof today. Armin and the scientist had devised a plan that seemed workable, a way to lift it and fit it into place, and they had been kind enough to procure some supplies from the warehouse to do it.

  It would be rude to leave them waiting, so he shuffled to the bathroom to brush his teeth and fix his hair, finding Levi coming through the door and into the small apartment as Eren returned to the living area to dress. The shifter was definitely running late.

  “Good, you’re up.” Levi set a bag on the table before walking toward Eren. “I got you breakfast. Apple muffins.”

  They sounded delicious. Levi knew he loved those, but Eren wasn't sure he’d be able to have one right then when he noticed the almost predatory expression on Levi’s face as he moved closer, stopping a few inches away, then leaned up to take his lips.

  They hadn’t been in a relationship long, but Eren already knew what that look meant, and he wondered how in the world at Levi’s age he could be so amorous so often. Not that he was complaining about it at all, but it appeared as though he had awoken a new kind of insatiableness in Levi recently. It was a good thing most of the time, nearly always, but as Levi had reminded him earlier in the morning, there were tasks to do.

  Tasks Eren was now sure they would be late for as he felt his cock begin to swell when Levi's mouth moved to his neck. He was such a sucker for that already. When they were standing toe to toe Levi was the perfect height to put his mouth there, and Eren loved that, liked grasping the back of Levi’s head and holding his face against the sensitive skin there, but this wasn’t the time no matter how much he wanted it to be.

   Eren tried to fight it, but once Levi’s fingers trailed over his stomach, and he dipped the tips of them down between the towel and his skin Eren began to care less. And when Levi tugged it away and dropped it on the floor, Eren grasped Levi’s head and smashed their mouths together, tossing his mental protests out the window for the moment.

  It took a few minutes for his head to clear before he sounded a weak protest against the older man’s lips, “We’re going to be late, Levi.” He tried to ignore his erection, and Levi’s, which was now firmly pressed against his thigh, grinding into it. Eren was attempting to be responsible, just as Levi had been that morning, _trying_ to be responsible no matter how much he wanted this to continue.

  “I don’t care.” Levi’s lips slipped away, moving to press teasing kisses to Eren’s jaw and chin, teeth scraping against his flesh until Eren whined.

  “You cared earlier,” Eren barely ground out.

  “I don’t anymore,” Levi murmured as he backed Eren up against the side of the bed, then dropped to his knees. “We’re running ahead, if we ride fast, we won’t be late. I need to make you feel good right now. ”

  Little encouragement was needed after Levi looked up at him, eyes flashing with lust, and he brushed his lips across the tip of Eren’s cock, tongue peeking out to swipe over the head, smirking when the shifter’s hands fisted in his hair none too gently.

  Levi had never done this to him when Eren had been standing up, and Eren was sure his legs were going to give out when Levi took him into his mouth and began sucking. Eren tried not to thrust too much, but when Levi sucked harder, then slid his lips further down over his length Eren was sure he’d almost choked him. And it didn’t get any easier when he looked down, saw Levi unbuttoning his pants, pulling out his cock, and Levi began to jerk himself off while he blew him.

  It was _obscene_ , so deliciously filthy, and the image of Levi below him made Eren cry out, back bowing as he pressed his cock forward and hit the back of his lover’s throat.

  Eren knew Levi liked that, liked stroking himself while he watched him writhe under his hands, his tongue, his mouth. Eren liked it too. Enjoyed watching Levi getting himself off. It amazed Eren how wanton he’d become in such a short time. Going all his life without this kind of physical affection to a sex starved pervert -or so he felt, and he wondered if he’d calm down once he and Levi finally had sex.

  Likely not, Eren thought when Levi began to move faster, sucking harder, one hand grabbing Eren’s balls, and Levi’s hand on his own dick sped up. Eren felt as if he was going to collapse, but he was so close, feeling that twitching in his lower back, his stomach beginning to tense as his hips danced forward. Eren could feel Levi moan around him. The shifter opened his eyes, glanced down, saw come spill over Levi’s hand, then the older man’s eyes looking up at him, and he was undone, coming apart bit by bit. His fingers dug harder into Levi’s hair, and his legs trembled as he released into his mouth, and Levi continued moving up and down over him, sucking him gently until he was spent.

  It was quick, faster and far less emotional than when they were usually intimate, but Eren enjoyed it, liking it more when Levi stood up, licking his lips, then kissed him deep like he always did when they were fooling around. Eren felt warm arms embrace him and fingers coming to card through his hair.

  “I’m sorry.” An apology breathed against Eren’s lips as Levi pulled back, and looked up into his eyes.

  “Why?” Eren questioned.

  “We didn’t have a lot of time. I rushed.”

  “I’m not complaining,”

  “It was quick,” Levi pointed out.

  “We can spend more time later when we get home,” Eren softly promised.

  “Eren, you’re perfect.”

  “Far from it,” Eren said.

  “ _I_ think you are,” Levi said and gave Eren another kiss.

  Eren blushed, Levi was too much, and he was going to miss spending so much time with him once his leave was over. He’d become accustomed to them being practically inseparable over the past few weeks. Going to sleep and waking up in the older man’s arms only to spend their entire day together. Though it had been a short time, not having that was going to be an unwelcome change.

  That wasn’t all that was wearing on Eren either. Other things began bothering him as he and Levi rode to the site and continued as the afternoon passed. He spent much of his time quiet, thinking about the house, realizing that he wasn’t nearly as excited about it as he had been in the past.

  Even as Eren assisted Jean and Levi in hoisting the large window up to the roof and then secured it, no emotion came like he expected it would. This was the last piece that required completion before they could shingle the roof, side the house in wooden planks, and move on to the interior. It was a milestone Eren had been looking forward to. He thought he’d feel some sense of triumph, or completion, but none of that came, only a feeling of dread about going back to shifting. It descended upon him like a thick blanket, making him feel heavy, sluggish and far removed from almost everything else.

  What had been something for him to hang onto in hope was suddenly beginning to feel wrong.

  He considered the notion that Armin and Mikasa had been right when they had tried to talk him out of building the home. That perhaps they could see something he couldn’t. Or maybe it was only that coming out here with everyone else instead of spending his valuable and quickly dwindling free time with Levi weighed on him. Maybe he was only selfish. These were his friends, they had helped him, and he couldn’t make his entire life revolve around Levi either. That wasn’t fair.

   Eren knew Levi had sensed his mood as well, the older man asking him periodically throughout the day while they worked if he was alright, if something was wrong, but every time he had, the shifter had only brushed him off and blamed it on being tired.

  That was why he now found himself forced to sit and take a break. Levi wasn’t outward about it, wasn’t bossy, demanding he stop, but he was _insistent_ he have some water and relax. He knew what the older man was doing, and while he appreciated it, Eren still felt distracted and as if he was a burden.

  Like Eren was during the war when Levi had to carry the weight of his duty to kill him if needed. When Levi had to rescue him. When Eren would fuss and cry. When he couldn’t do all the things that they depended on him to do as they were needed. When so much more people had died than necessary because of his mistakes and ineptitude.

  It all still bothered him. Those times when he’d fucked up. When he couldn’t control himself at first, and it took him so long to seal the wall. He’d almost killed Mikasa, then punched himself in the face like a moron. It still troubled him. He still had nightmares about the day when they had lost so many. He knew it was unrealistic to think he could save them all, but it dragged him down at times, and no matter how many times Levi had assured him over the years not to have regrets, it didn’t stop them from creeping up.

  “Hey, Eren.” Surprisingly, it was Jean, not Levi this time who now drew him out of his brooding.

  “Yeah?” He looked up at his friend, forcing a smile.

  “I haven’t seen you much lately,” Jean said, foot toying with a pebble near the toe of his boot.

  “I’ve just been trying to enjoy my leave.” It was true, but there was a tone present in Jean’s voice that told him the man was getting at something else and Eren wanted to see what it was.

  The two were like fire and oil sometimes; explosive, and they’d had their fights. There were those times when Jean had pissed Eren off enough that punching him had been wholly satisfying, but there were also moments when they’d opened up. Found strength in each other not only for battle but on an emotional level.

  It was why Eren didn't mind that Jean was digging a little right now, though he was prepared to be guarded.

  “You and Levi are spending a lot of time together, huh?” The sarcasm Eren would generally have expected wasn’t there.

  “Yeah.” It didn’t make Eren blush as badly as it used to.

  “I’m glad. It’s about time you two made it official.” There was that smirking smile on Jean that had become a trademark after the war and he was happier. “That took years.”

  “What do you mean?” Eren asked.

  Jean laughed. “Are you serious?”

  “Um… yeah.”

  “It’s just you two have acted like you were together for years, like an old married couple or something.”

  “I don’t think so.” Eren knew now that his attraction to Levi went back far longer than what he initially had thought, but an old married couple…

  “Why do you think I used to tease you two so much?” Jean laughed. “You used to get so angry, and Levi would be so protective, but I’d hoped you two would stop pretending you didn’t love each other and get it over with. I was trying to help.”

  Eren hadn’t thought much about Levi loving him. There was affection, yes, but could he really love a monster? And Eren was so guarded with his heart, at least where that kind of love was concerned. He wasn’t so sure he knew what love even felt like. “I don’t know if I’d call it _love_.”

  Jean laughed again. “You’ve always been such an idiot.”

  “Hey!” Eren stood up, but his fight drained away when he realized Jean wasn’t trying to be an asshole and he sat back down. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what my problem is.”

  “Like I said, you’re an idiot.” It was typical Jean, but it didn’t mean he was wrong.

  They were interrupted when Levi approached with that damn canteen in his hand that he’d been forcing on Eren all day. “What’s going on?”

  “And here he is. I told you, Eren.” Jean gestured toward Levi before taking his leave of them.

  “What was that about?” Levi asked as he crouched in front of Eren and shoved the canteen toward him once they were alone.

  “Nothing, Jean was just saying we were an old married couple or something.”

  “Oh.” Levi raised a brow, there was a soft smile, and Eren noticed him avert his eyes for a split second before they were back up, gazing at him. “I haven’t given you a ring yet, so I suppose not.”

  Levi was joking, it was light-hearted, but there was something in his voice that wasn’t usually present. It almost hitched for a moment, Eren had caught it and he wondered if he was half serious. He could only blush and change the subject.

  “So, are we done for today?” Eren asked.

  “We are, but they brought dinner,” Levi explained.

  “I wanted to go home,” Eren said looking down at his lap. “I don't feel like being social.”

  Levi leaned forward, took Eren’s face between his hands and kissed him gently before drawing back to look at him. “I know you don’t, and it’s exactly why you should be socializing. You’ve been down today, and I shouldn’t be monopolizing all your time.”

  Eren had been down, it was true. He couldn't hide it from Levi, and he hoped he didn't ask him to try and explain it. Because he couldn't, not all of it. He knew he was anxious about going back to work. That was something he could explain, but it always resulted in Levi determined to talk to Hanji about finding him something else to do. The house was something he didn't want to tell Levi about though, and he didn't fully understand why. Part of it was pride, and part of it was not knowing why the prospect of building the house and moving into it didn't feel the same anymore.

  It was easy for Eren to concede when Levi looked at him like he was now. It couldn’t hurt to be social, to do what he enjoyed every night until recently, and it wasn’t as if he wouldn’t have time later to spend with Levi when it was only the two of them.

  “Alright, I’ll stop moping around, and we’ll stay.” Eren stood, smiling when Levi took his hand.

  Eren looked at the house as they moved from the front door, walking the length of the finished outer structure. He surveyed it as they moved to the side yard where the others already had a fire going, hoping that spark he had for it before would reignite, but it didn't.

  “Are you feeling better, Eren?” Armin asked when he saw them approach.

  Hearing this question for so many years sometimes made Eren hate it, but he knew Armin only meant well.

  “I’m good.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck and found a place to sit beside his friends, Levi settling next to him. “That flu really has been hard to get over.”

  Hanji squealed. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, though, and we were able to see the house. I’m so excited!”

  “The plan did work well,” Armin pointed out.

  “Yeah, a window in a roof. I would never have thought of that,” Jean interjected and looked between Levi and Eren. “It’ll be romantic…”

  “Shut the fuck up, Jean,” Eren cursed, but there wasn’t any anger behind it.

  It was the usual banter between the two, more like in the old days and Eren knew he was probably teasing because he hadn’t gotten the chance in a while.

  Levi shook his head, sharing a knowing look with Armin and Hanji, used to the rivalry or whatever it was between Eren and Jean.

  “So what did you bring for dinner,” Levi asked. It didn’t seem like Eren and Jean would end up in a real fight, but he’d learned years ago it was good to change the subject or distract the two. Especially if Mikasa wasn’t nearby. It wasn’t always easy, but he could quickly fall back to his days of having to manage everyone out in the field and was good at putting an end to conflicts when he wanted without being obvious.

  “We brought rabbit, and some vegetables,” Armin said as he pulled parcels from his bag.

  When Sasha wasn’t around to cook it usually fell to Armin. Something that had begun near the end of the war. The blonde went to work as they all fell back into the comfort of familiarity and routine.

  Eren was beginning to feel less stressed, discussing the house with Hanji and Jean while Armin prepared dinner, Levi lounging quietly next to him. There was still the lingering worry about his lack of excitement revolving around it, but talking about it, and laughing during casual discourse had dislodged some of his anxiety.

  Having Levi next to him helped as well. Feeling his knee pressed against his own, that little thing he had done to Eren for years now. Always a physical connection when they were in each other’s presence, and Eren realized as he sat there with Levi that his touch had probably always conveyed what it did now.

  It didn’t feel any different since they were together than it had before they had been. Eren remembered what Levi had said earlier about a ring, how his voice had skipped, and he allowed his mind to wander to the possibility that Levi’s feelings for him were deeper than he had dared to hope.

  “You two are so cute together,” Hanji quipped, drawing Eren’s attention. “It makes me so happy.”

  Dinner so far had been relatively free of commentary about their relationship, and although it put them both on the spot, Eren supposed his friends couldn’t be blamed when he was sitting so close to Levi.

  “Are you all of you over this now?” Levi asked, gesturing between him and Eren.

  “I know I’ve had enough of you two,” Jean answered.

  There was a nod from Armin before he looked back down at his plate and stuffed another bite in his mouth.

  “I can’t promise anything,” Hanji answered, smiling maniacally like she used to when she’d tell Eren about Titans. “I might never shut up about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, it took me forever to update this. I got other fic ideas, went out of town, wrote some prompt stuff, and I think I'm subconsciously procrastinating because I know how many chapters are left. Finishing fics is always bitter-sweet for me.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. <3 <3 <3


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